I hate having to work so closely with troublesome coworkers, especially when those troublesome coworkers are narcissistic in their behaviors and want to involve me in their drama whether directly or indirectly. Being in such close proximity of them often gives outsiders observing our group dynamics the possible impression that I am a part of the group. Because of having to work so closely with these coworkers, the perspective from outsiders is that I am “with” these coworkers regarding what they think, say and do. This is never the case. I’m almost always the loner.
Within any group dynamic, my selective mutism kicks in, and I am prone to never say a word when there is any type of discussion. While working, I am more focused on the task at hand. So I never join in on discussions even when there might be an opening for me to do so. I am also socially awkward, and anything I might add to a conversation among my coworkers would throw the entire topic of their conversation off balance. More than likely, I am prone to saying things that don’t make much sense to others or will either be taken with some offense. Basically, I feel most often misunderstood within a group dynamic.
Needless to say, whenever there are conversations going on with my coworkers, those conversations are often counterproductive to the work we are doing anyway. Plus, I wouldn’t join in either way because those conversations are often usually unprofessional in content and context. Although I don’t strive to be better than anyone else, I do strive to present myself as a professional at all times. I believe work should be about the work, and because I am on the job to work, the work is what I want to do.
Guilty By Association
To be “guilty by association” means to be perceived negatively or judged based on your connection or proximity to someone or something deemed undesirable or controversial. For the most part, coworkers are not friends, and my proximity to them in work duties shouldn’t be taken as anything other than what pertains to our shared tasks. Unfortunately, however, many of the coworkers on this job are friends with each other or connected in a familial way outside of the workplace. So it might be easy for others, such as management, to perceive deeper connections that don’t actually exist with all coworkers.
In my case, I am not friends with anyone at work even though I am friendly. I don’t go to work with any intentions of making friends. I intend on keeping my work life and personal life separate. Plus, I have learned from personal experience that most coworkers do not make good friends. Although I was fortunate enough to make some great connections with people from my last place of employment, those great connections weren’t intended for lasting friendships. In fact, most of those great connections had an expiration date and ended when my time on that particular job ended. Even though I did make one lasting friendship from my old job, that friend also left that toxic work environment too.
As a general rule, I keep coworkers at a peripheral distance because they are often competitors even though I don’t seek to compete. The workplace is simply the environment where competition takes place. I’m never looking for friends in such a setting because it’s all too commonplace for a coworker to set themselves up against me whether it be for favor with someone in management, a higher position to go after or simply because there is a striving to be better than me on the job.
Needless to say, I don’t strive to make friendships on the job because when a fallout happens, it will often be detrimental to the effectiveness of my work and professional relationships. I don’t like being involved in any workplace drama, and neither do I like being a part of workplace issues. My intent is to go to work, do my job, get paid, and go home. I desire to always leave work at work when possible, and when I cannot, that literally becomes a festering problem for me.
So when there is some type of drama going on, I don’t even want there to be a hint that I am in some way involved in the drama. Despite my proximity of working near my coworkers, I never want there to be the appearance that I am in some way connected to the conversations going on in any way. Besides, I’ve found that those conversations shared by my coworkers are often passive aggressive in nature, gossipy, and verbally abusive. In addition, those conversations are almost always complaints against management.
Typically, when I have a problem, I prefer to address it head on without any lingering feelings of bitterness and growing resentment. I never see the harm in addressing management with my concerns unless I’ve weighed the cost and see that nothing is going to change anyway. Even if I agree with the complaints or suggestions of my coworkers, I prefer not to engage in conversations about management with them while I’m working since others who overhear those conversations will often weaponize them for their benefit(s) anyway.
To make a long story short, I like being recognized for my character, and I always want my character to speak for itself in terms of integrity and virtue. I might be around coworkers who gossip and cause drama at work, but that doesn’t mean I desire to be a part of it. Yet, this is the perception I sometimes get when all these coworkers do is talk loudly and gossip when managers and other coworkers outside of the department are around us. I’m just doing my job and never partaking in the conversations even if some of the conversations seem interesting. Yet, when there’s trouble, somehow I actually feel as if I’m guilty by association.
My Voice Unchained 