Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

It’s official, and it’s been official for a while. I’ve accepted it for what it is and am currently in the process of doing something about it.

The reality is that I’m in an abusive relationship with the corporation for which I’m employed, and it sucks. Maybe “sucks” isn’t the best word to use in this context, but that’s the word that fits for me.

Specifically, I’ve come to hate my current job, and it hasn’t always been this way. I had great hopes actually, but I’m finding that corporations such as this one don’t care about my great hopes. In fact, this corporation seems to care very little about me or the rest of its employees.

Yet, the red flags were always there from the very beginning based upon the things that I experienced starting from my hiring date. I continued on, though, because I had the hopes that things would change and become better, or at least tolerable. For instance, I saw a lot of toxic behaviors from coworkers, team leads, coaches, and managers who are now no longer in the workplace. Their leaving made things a lot better and a lot less confining and narcissistic, but those changes haven’t been enough to secure my desire to remain as an employee.

To date, I’ve suffered many injuries on this job too. Most of those injuries have been minor, but there have been some serious injuries that required medical attention. I’ve even had to file a claim that was almost ignored (like the first time a claim needed to be filed for another injury). In fact, when I go home, I will see bruises on my body in various places that cannot be explained because I don’t recall the incidents. The limps, fractures, and bruises have all led to a downfall in my health as well. I’m frequently taking anti-inflammatory medications to heal, but to no avail because the accidents just continue happening.

For the most part, it has been made very clear that team leads don’t like dealing with employee injuries because of all the paperwork that must be completed to document the instances. As a matter of fact, as soon as I reported both serious injuries, I was ignored, even though I had a doctor’s note explaining pertinent injury details. It left me to wonder the reasons for such a lack of care in this corporation for its employees.

The physical demands of this job have made it so that I no longer have the energy to attend to my after work needs. I’m much too exhausted to do anything else. Oddly, it wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only began noticing changes under the direction of a new coach/manager. Although this new lead had a vision, that vision has quickly tapered off into a nightmare for every employee under their “reign”.

No one is happy, and for the most part, these mostly long-term coworkers who’ve been employed by this corporation a lot longer that I have, were already miserable with the job in the first place. These unhappy coworkers are the “bullies” of the corporation who undermine the efforts of everyone else. These are also the ones a part of the mobsters of bullies who had been using narcissistic tactics to try to subdue me under their control. Although their efforts mainly failed them, we are now all suffering within this oppressively laborious work environment.

In fact, I’m also quickly losing my own personal shining light. In fact, my light is growing very dim, and I have been in the process of silently planning my exit. With each day that I work, I feel hours of my life being shaved away from my future. The physical demands of lifting, pulling and pushing heavy objects has taken its toll upon my body to the point that I’m realizing that I’m too old for this kind of work. To be frank, this is not even the original job I signed up for at all. It wasn’t even the original part of my responsibilities until the new coach changed everything around without considering the frailty, lack of strength, and physical abilities of some of its employees.

In fact, the coach/manager in question no longer comes around to attend to this aspect of the job anymore and appears distant in caring about their responsibilities to the tasks. When they do drop in on occasion, they are only helping certain members of the working group, and I am finding that I’m frequently ignored as if I’m not even visible. The clear message has been that I’m not wanted for some time, and that feeling I’d have periodically that something is driving me out, is very present feeling even now. So I’ve decided to leave.

Although money is a necessity for paying my bills, I refuse to die for it in the process. This job is literally killing me, and there’s a lot of people toxicity to match. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I’ve finally reached my limit. It’s time to go. It’s time to rejuvenate. It’s time to get out of the mess.