Holding out for the good in a narcissistic relationship often involves rationalizing or downplaying the negative aspects in the hope that things will improve or that the narcissist will change. Here are some signs you might be holding out for the good in such a relationship:
1. Constantly Making Excuses
- Example: You frequently make excuses for the narcissist’s behavior, telling yourself or others that they are just stressed, tired, or had a difficult upbringing.
2. Clinging to the Past
- Example: You reminisce about the “honeymoon phase” or the good times, believing those moments represent the real person, rather than recognizing the consistent negative patterns.
3. Ignoring Red Flags
- Example: You overlook or dismiss clear signs of manipulation, control, or emotional abuse, convincing yourself that these behaviors are not that bad or that they will change.
4. Blaming Yourself
- Example: You think that if you just tried harder, were more understanding, or changed something about yourself, the relationship would improve.
5. Seeking Validation
- Example: You constantly seek validation and approval from the narcissist, hoping that one day they will appreciate you and your efforts.
6. Feeling Responsible for Their Happiness
- Example: You believe it’s your job to fix or save the narcissist, and you take on the responsibility for their emotional well-being.
7. Minimizing Your Needs
- Example: You prioritize the narcissist’s needs and desires over your own, often neglecting your own well-being in the process.
8. Living for the Highs
- Example: You stay because of the intermittent positive reinforcement – the rare moments of kindness or affection – hoping these moments will become more frequent.
9. Fear of Being Alone
- Example: You are afraid of being single or believe that you won’t find anyone better, so you stay in the relationship despite the toxicity.
10. Rationalizing Their Behavior
- Example: You constantly try to understand and rationalize their behavior, often justifying it as normal or acceptable despite its negative impact on you.
11. Isolation from Others
- Example: You have become isolated from friends and family because you are trying to protect the narcissist or avoid criticism from others about your relationship.
12. Hoping for Change
- Example: You hold on to the belief that the narcissist will eventually change, often based on their promises or moments of self-awareness that never lead to actual change.
13. Overinvestment
- Example: You have invested so much time, effort, and emotion into the relationship that you are reluctant to walk away, feeling that leaving would mean all that investment was wasted.
14. Denial
- Example: You are in denial about the severity of the abuse or toxicity, convincing yourself that things aren’t really that bad.
15. Confusion and Self-Doubt
- Example: The narcissist’s manipulative tactics have made you doubt your own perceptions and judgment, causing you to question whether you are overreacting or misunderstanding the situation.
Recognizing these signs is a crucial step towards understanding the dynamics of the relationship and taking steps to protect your well-being. It may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you gain clarity on your situation.
My Voice Unchained 