Part 5
What I Observed
Things were done within this workplace as they always had been, and that’s likely always going to be the case even long after I’m no longer remembered as an employee. When new people are hired, they are quickly inducted into the madness. Nothing really changes for the better. When new team leads, coaches, and managers come into the business, they are more likely to play along with the way things are for the purpose of maintaining their own individual survival. So it makes sense for them to remain collective in doing things the same way even if those things feed the toxicity.
Someone different who comes along and questions the status quo will either fall in line or have a difficult time with being mobbed by bullies. Even though most of those bullies complain about the same things that someone different sees and points out, the bullies don’t propose any solutions. They just complain and wallow in the madness. Then that someone different will constantly battle because they are different, their perspectives are different, and their way of doing things are different, and not that they necessarily think much differently than anyone else, but they still choose to propose solutions.
So it had been with me. I’d always chosen to propose solutions. Sometimes those solutions were accepted because the realization was that the job tasks became so much easier to do. Sometimes my solutions were highly resisted because those listening wouldn’t have been able to get credit for coming up with the ideas. Many times, however, I’d simply chosen to take initiative and did whatever needed to be done to make things easier even if I was simply choosing to make things easier for me. Those who observed me would silently follow my lead, ultimately realizing that I’m really no dummy.
Nevertheless, the bulk of my coworkers who seemed to love playing toxic games didn’t like my solutions and only fancied me as a troublemaker. I gathered that I had been perceived as a troublemaker in many aspects, but I didn’t care. I’m all for working hard, but I’m not going to be dumb about it. I’m more for working smarter and being efficient. However, this line of thinking just didn’t seem to compute overall within this particular toxic workplace. It would often be like I was speaking a language that was not completely understood by the majority of my coworkers, and if they did understand me, they didn’t like the fact that I was the one saying it.
In fact, I often scratched my head in awe as to why some of my coworkers liked working harder than necessary even though most of the time many of them liked giving the appearance of working hard instead of actually doing it. Instead of doing things a much easier way, the team that I worked with often opted for a path of most resistance where it seemed we were always pushing against the grain of everything including time, effort, and will.
It was as if the team I worked with liked to struggle for absolutely no reason but to say they were struggling, and that was absolutely insane to me. They frustrated me so much with this mentality, and I was glad for the days when some of those team members had off days. Those were the most narcissistic ones who believed they had to lead everything with their foolish ideas. When they’d return and saw that the team implemented smarter changes without them, they’d literally complain and whine immaturely the entire time we worked until their grievances were heard by members of management.
For the most part, I’d always pull away from coworkers who exhibited low mentality and just face their rejection. I was not about to work harder for no reason. That’s crazy! I was always about working smarter, being efficient, and getting things done on time. I was always about organization and not creating obstacles that kept the team from meeting our goals. I was always about honoring others in their abilities no matter where they were in their skills.
Whenever someone new was sent to work with us, I was always tasked with training them, but the two leading narcissistic coworkers on the team would always attempt to grab the reins to over talk me at every opportunity. It was annoying, but I would do my best to assist others. Besides, it became apparent to many coworkers who they’d rather approach when they’d have questions, and it was never the narcissistic ones. In fact, most coworkers who were sent to work with our team would often complain about the leading narcissistic ones behind their back because of how those narcissistic ones treated the coworkers. Those narcissistic coworkers were often viewed as condescending, brass, and rude.
Essentially, this was the theme I walked into when I was first hired to work at this corporation. Nothing was as it seemed based on how the hiring manager first treated me when I was hired. It was all a façade. I was brought into the fold with the promise of “goodness” but was met with a lot of negativity the moment I began my first day of work. Those people I encountered who seemed very hateful to the core remained that way when I left, and those people who were nice through and through also remained that way when I left.
I should have turned around the moment I experienced the first “bite” of narcissistic abuse when the hiring manager talked to me in a way that disrespected me to the point I had to question if she was okay. Yet, she wasn’t the first person I had this type of interaction with either. In fact, there were quite a few coworkers I had to calmly question if they were okay or felt better after they behaved as if something I questioned or even my silence seemed to trigger them. Those were the people I’d look squarely in the eye and ask them to repeat themselves or ask if they were okay only to receive their startled response, and those were also the people I didn’t too much deal with again long afterwards.
This particular workplace was filled with a lot of immature adults and adult bullies, but there were just as many kind, empathetic, jovial, and compassionate coworkers too. However, the place was so permeated with toxicity, even the smiles I’d often see would be broken down frowns by the end of a shift. Many times, I’d listen to coworkers vent and realize that even the immature adults and adult bullies were overworked, exhausted, angry, and simply trying to make it just like everyone else. I could have a lot of empathy at times, but then I’d also have very little tolerance for the bull.
Overall, I just couldn’t keep myself going on this time clock of madness. It was just too much. Everything I experienced pretty much sums up why there is such a high turnover rate of employees coming and going at this particular job. This time around, I found myself going too, and simply letting go.
My Voice Unchained 