Throwing One Under the Bus

“Throwing someone under the bus” means to betray or sacrifice someone, often a colleague or friend, to avoid blame or to protect oneself. This phrase suggests that someone is being unfairly blamed or put in a difficult position for the benefit of another. It implies a lack of loyalty and a willingness to harm others to save oneself or to gain some advantage.

For example, in a workplace scenario, if a mistake is made and one employee blames another to avoid getting in trouble, they are “throwing that person under the bus.” It’s generally seen as a negative action that can damage trust and relationships.

A narcissistic person might use the phrase “throwing someone under the bus” to manipulate situations and deflect blame in several ways:

Justification of Their Actions:

1. Blaming Others for Their Mistakes: When a narcissist makes a mistake, they might accuse someone else of “throwing them under the bus” to shift attention away from their own error. For example, if they fail to meet a deadline, they might claim that a colleague didn’t provide necessary information, thus portraying themselves as the victim.
2. Minimizing Their Responsibility: If a narcissist is confronted about their negative actions, they might argue that they only acted in a certain way because someone else was trying to sabotage them. This shifts the focus away from their behavior and onto the supposed betrayal by others.

Making You Look Like the Bad Person:

1. Preemptive Strike: Before you can address an issue or criticize their behavior, a narcissist might accuse you of “throwing them under the bus.” This preemptive strike puts you on the defensive and makes it harder for you to address the real issue.
2. Gaslighting: Narcissists often use gaslighting to make you doubt your perceptions and memories. They might say something like, “You’re just trying to throw me under the bus,” when you point out their wrongdoing. This can make you question your own judgment and feel guilty for raising legitimate concerns.
3. Playing the Victim: By accusing you of “throwing them under the bus,” a narcissist can garner sympathy from others and paint you as the aggressor. They might exaggerate or fabricate scenarios where you supposedly betrayed them, thereby diverting attention from their own misdeeds and casting you in a negative light.

Deflection Techniques:

1. Redirection: When faced with criticism, a narcissist might deflect by accusing you of betrayal, thereby redirecting the conversation away from their actions. This tactic distracts others from the main issue and puts you on the spot.
2. Creating Confusion: By frequently using phrases like “throwing me under the bus,” a narcissist can create confusion and ambiguity about what actually happened. This makes it difficult for others to discern the truth and can erode trust in your version of events.

In essence, narcissists use the phrase “throwing someone under the bus” as a tool to manipulate perceptions, deflect blame, and undermine your credibility. Recognizing these tactics can help you navigate interactions with narcissistic individuals more effectively.