From time to time, I will take note that my own behaviors are narcissistic, and I don’t like how that behavior makes me feel. In fact, I reason that this is why I may have experienced a multitude of problems at work because there were times that I often felt triggered to react to someone else’s behavior.
I did learn, however, that the key to recognizing my own traits and wanting to grow is a significant and positive step.
Below are practical approaches that helped me to address narcissistic behaviors within myself and work towards personal growth.
1. Self-Reflection and Awareness
- Identify Triggers: As I became more aware of what triggered my own narcissistic behaviors such as my need to be right, to voice my opinions, or to seek validation, I began to understand these triggers to help me manage my reactions.
- Journal: I often journal to reflect on my thoughts and behaviors. Writing down instances where I notice these traits have helped me gain clarity on why they happen and how I can change them.
2. Practice Humility
- Accept Imperfection: I often remind myself that it’s okay not to be right all the time. I embrace the idea that everyone, including me, can make mistakes and learn from them.
- Listen More, Speak Less: I do my best to practice active listening. Instead of focusing on voicing my opinions, I try to listen to others’ perspectives without immediately responding. This has helped me understand different viewpoints, and it has reduced the need for me to dominate conversations.
3. Seek Validation from Within
- Internal Validation: I work on building self-esteem that isn’t dependent on external validation. I affirm my worth and accomplishments to myself [often by journaling or having an internal monologue] rather than seeking validation from others. Positive affirmations and self-compassion practices are always be beneficial.
- Mindfulness: After instituting practices in mindfulness that I learned from a former colleague and dear friend, I engage in mindfulness exercises that keep me grounded in the present moment. Mindfulness helps me detach from the need for external approval so that I stay focused on my internal state.
4. Develop Emotional Intelligence
- Empathy: By nature, I always practice putting myself in others’ shoes. I often consider how my actions and words might affect others. I also strive to respond to others in a way that is considerate and empathetic.
- Emotional Regulation: I work on managing my emotions, especially when I feel the need to assert my opinion or to be right. Those are the times when I can feel myself getting heated within the moment when I feel no one will listen to me. Techniques such as deep breathing, pausing before reacting, and silently counting to ten have helped me. When I feel especially overstimulated, I usually walk away from the area to take some downtime to deescalate any anxieties or negative feelings. I never want to explode my emotions onto anyone.
5. Growth Mindset
- Embrace Learning: Although it has taken me much practice, I do try to shift my mindset from needing to be right to wanting to learn. I’ve found doing so transforms interactions from being about winning or proving a point to being about growth and understanding.
- Feedback: When possible, I seek constructive feedback from people I trust. I allow myself to being open to hearing how others perceive my behavior, and then I use that feedback as a tool for growth.
6. Practice Gratitude and Generosity
- Gratitude: I regularly try to practice gratitude for the positive aspects of my life, and I also make it a practice to show gratitude towards the people around me. Doing so continues to shift my focus from what I need or lack to what I already have.
- Generosity: I try to engage in acts of kindness and generosity without expecting anything in return. Doing so has helped reduce self-centered tendencies, and it fosters a more outward focus towards others.
7. Therapeutic Support
- Counseling or Therapy: In the past, I have found that the narcissistic traits I’ve found difficult to manage on my own required me to seek help from a therapist. Therapy provided me with tools and techniques to work through these traits in a supportive environment.
8. Set Personal Goals
- Behavioral Goals: Frequently, when I find that certain narcissistic traits are popping up again, I will set specific, measurable goals for myself related to the traits I want to change. For example, if I want to be less argumentative when I feel I want to assert my opinions, I set a goal to actively listen and ask questions before offering my opinion in discussions.
- Celebrate Progress: I’ve found it helpful to acknowledge and celebrate small victories as I notice improvements in my behavior. When recognizing progress, however small, I am motivated to continue growing.
9. Forgive Yourself
- Self-Compassion: I am often reminded to give myself compassion. I am autistic with selective mutism. Narcissistic traits and autistic traits can sometimes be superficially similar in certain behaviors or social interactions, but they stem from very different underlying causes and have different implications.
- Forgive Yourself: Many times, as I self-reflect upon my behaviors, I am sometimes faced with the fact that I am triggered into a state of overstimulation. I often have to fight having a meltdown because of this. Thus, I understand that change is a process, and I might not always get it right, but I still continue to work on my behaviors, nonetheless. So practicing self-compassion when I slip up is a reminder to myself that growth is a journey.
10. Stay Consistent
- Daily Practice: Personal growth requires consistent effort. When I incorporate these practices into my daily routine, I help solidify the changes I’m working towards.
By focusing on these areas, you, too, can be better equipped to manage and change the traits that bother you. Growth is a lifelong journey, and the fact that you and I are willing to put in the work is a testament to our commitment to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
My Voice Unchained 