Neglect in Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissistic relationships are all about neglect. It is the one way for narcissists, or even those who have narcississtic traits, to crush your spirit.

To be neglected is to be treated as if you don’t matter, and this neglect is on purpose.

A narcissist neglects you when they refuse to communicate with you. Their lack of communication can happen in a multitude of ways. When they give you the silent treatment, it is a way to neglect speaking to you. It is a way to hurt you and damage the relationship.

Ultimately, the narcissist doesn’t care about you. They don’t care that you feel neglected either. They only care about themselves – not how you are affected.

Narcissistic relationships often involve neglect on purpose for several reasons, all of which relate to the narcissist’s need for control, power, and validation. Here are some key reasons why narcissistic individuals may engage in purposeful neglect:

Control and Power

1. Manipulation: By neglecting their partner’s emotional and physical needs, narcissists maintain control over them. The partner is often left feeling confused, insecure, and dependent, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate them.
2. Punishment: Neglect can be a form of punishment. If the partner does something that displeases the narcissist or challenges their sense of superiority, the narcissist may withhold attention and affection as a way to “teach them a lesson.”

Validation and Self-Esteem

1. Supply: Narcissists need a constant source of validation, known as “narcissistic supply.” By neglecting their partner, they can provoke emotional reactions, such as begging for attention or expressing hurt, which in turn validates the narcissist’s sense of importance and control.
2. Superiority: By neglecting their partner, narcissists can feel superior. They may believe that their needs and desires are more important than those of others, reinforcing their self-perceived grandiosity.

Emotional Detachment

1. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often have a limited capacity for empathy. They may not genuinely care about their partner’s feelings or needs, leading to neglect. Their focus is primarily on their own needs and desires.
2. Fear of Intimacy: True intimacy requires vulnerability, which narcissists avoid. By neglecting their partner, they can keep emotional distance and avoid the discomfort that comes with genuine connection.

Maintaining the Cycle

1. Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists often cycle between idealizing and devaluing their partners. During the devaluation phase, neglect is a common tactic. This cycle keeps the partner off-balance and more likely to stay in the relationship, hoping for a return to the idealization phase.
2. Intermittent Reinforcement: Occasionally providing attention or affection after periods of neglect can make the partner more attached and desperate for those moments of positive reinforcement, thus deepening the emotional dependency.

Psychological Impact on the Partner

1. Erosion of Self-Esteem: Consistent neglect can erode the partner’s self-esteem, making them more compliant and less likely to leave the relationship.
2. Isolation: Neglect can lead to emotional isolation, making the partner feel that no one else understands or values them. This isolation can make it harder for the partner to seek help or support from others.

Conclusion

In summary, purposeful neglect in narcissistic relationships is a tool used by narcissists to maintain control, assert superiority, manipulate their partner, and avoid emotional intimacy. It serves to keep the partner dependent, insecure, and emotionally off-balance, ensuring the narcissist’s needs are met while their partner’s needs are ignored. Understanding these dynamics can be a crucial step in recognizing and addressing the toxic patterns in such relationships.