In my previous career, I had less opportunities to work directly with coworkers because I was confined to a more isolated situation. In my present job, I seem to have more opportunities to “rub shoulders” [almost literally] with coworkers in ways that I wish weren’t possible.
In particular, I have a coworker who engages in behavior that seeks attention, control, and potentially attempts to provoke reactions. Even though this is not the only coworker who behaves in this way, this coworker seems to be the most extreme in these behaviors.
Every time this coworker comes around, I sense their demons reacting to me in the spiritual realm. In the natural realm, this coworker’s behaviors involve constantly questioning me, despite their experience, trying to overstep or evade my boundaries, and/or seeking a reaction from me based on their annoying behaviors against me.
This coworker’s behaviors can sometimes come off as “mean” and devaluing to me. I will often look up to see this coworker giving me an evil stare. Of course, I stare back for observation, but I will often question if there is a problem to which I get either no response or a response that says there is no matter. When I do stare into this coworker’s eyes, I look for the presence of a spiritual entity. Sometimes I clearly see it, but others times I just see eyes caught up in a trance that appear to look straight through me.
It’s as if this coworker would like to create eggshells for me to walk on, but I refuse to play their games. Although they annoy other team members, it’s become obvious that they approach me more than any other team member. With increasing time, I’ve found myself praying against whatever evil energy this coworker attempts to send my way.
Most times, I try to avoid conversations with this coworker if at all possible, but I never want to be downright rude. So, I will most often give short responses when there are questions, and I will position my body in a way that shows I’m all about the work that needs to be completed instead of engaging in conversation.
I’ve come to realize that this coworker may be trying to shift responsibility onto me or seek validation, making it seem like they are dependent on me for answers or decisions. It’s strange because this coworker will ask questions that don’t require much common sense. Although I can see this as clear manipulation, I try to give the benefit of doubt, but I’ve also grown weary of this. The questions are the type that a 5 year old could make simple judgments about.
In many ways, I see these simplistic questions as this coworker’s attempt to not only manipulate, but to also assert control in an indirect way. In other ways, besides asking an array of nonsense questions, this coworker always tries to delay the team’s lunches by taking breaks at the last minute when they already know the team’s lunch schedules or by asking for help at the last minute when some of the team members’ shifts are ending.
In fact, I’ve already gathered that this coworker likes to test boundaries and patience, especially mine. In the spiritual realm, I feel the tug as if this coworker wants to go to war with me, and I will look them in the eye searching for that entity to let it know that God has made me ready. Yet, in the physical realm, to de-escalate a volatile situation that could make me look like the bad guy, I do all I possibly can to minimize interactions and maintaining boundaries.
I figure by not engaging in this coworker’s attempts to get attention or cause disruption, I’m protecting my peace and productivity. On most days that I must work with this coworker, I am pretty successful at maintaining my distance on purpose. I often don’t bother even looking at them if I don’t have to do so. It also helps when another colleague whom I enjoy working with is present to be a buffer since that coworker is more likely to indulge in conversation with the annoying coworker.
With time, I’ve recognized that this coworker’s manipulative actions are less about the work itself and more about their personal need for control and attention. As much as I can, I try to stay neutral and detached from this coworker’s off-topic conversations or attempts to provoke a reaction, and I always try to maintain my professional demeanor. Based on their interactions with me, I believe they know that I know they are attempting to dominate me, but I won’t allow it.
I always trust my instincts and discernment to not let this coworker erode my boundaries, especially when they try to engage me at inconvenient times. The most inconvenient times are right before lunch and right before my shift is ending. However, it hasn’t been easy. If this coworker wasn’t such an energy drainer, they might be a little likable, but it’s as if they personally seek to make themselves unlikable.
With all their attention-seeking behavior, they also do things that are quite undermining as well, and I always see this play out in subtle ways as an attempt to devalue or overshadow me when workplace superiors, like team leads are around the team. I can only say it stems from their insecurity, jealousy, or a need to control the narrative, particularly when they see me naturally gaining recognition and leadership.
For instance, I always greet everyone, including them, but they never greet me. EVER! When someone greets me first, this coworker will immediately question why they weren’t included in the greeting even if I’m just showing up while the coworker has been there. It’s odd. Many times, I will hear the offense with this coworker’s voice as they try to make sure they are acknowledged over me. I don’t even care, but this type of behavior only speaks to their immaturity.
For the record, others within this work setting automatically see me as a leader without my even needing to try simply because of my prior career that placed me in a leadership position. This view puts me in the spotlight, and I think that my being in the spotlight for any reason provokes this coworker to act out. In fact, almost any coworker that perceives me as a threat will act out in similar ways even though I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in taking over anyone else’s position.
It’s emotionally exhausting when someone consistently pushes boundaries and attempts to usurp my efforts, especially in such subtle and manipulative ways, but I will continue to uphold my boundaries and stay focused on my work. This, in fact, is my strongest approach. However, if this situation becomes too much, I can see myself addressing this coworker directly, particularly when I’ve had enough. Stay tuned …
My Voice Unchained 