A coworker once asked me to swap shifts, and although I was hesitant at first, I initially agreed only if the coworker agreed to ask a supervisor for the needed day off first. It turns out that the supervisor honored the coworker’s request, and I was off the hook from swapping a shift.
The fact that I even mentioned that I’d agree only opened up a can of worms against me because this coworker told another coworker that I might possibly agree to swap shifts. So when the other coworker came to me, I was immediately annoyed on the inside that a private conversation between the previous coworker and me was not really all that private.
When the other coworker asked me to swap shifts, I immediately said that I didn’t want to do it and would only consider it if this coworker had no other options. I advised this coworker to ask the supervisor for the needed day off in the same way I’d told the other coworker. As it turns out, the supervisor also granted that coworker’s request. After that situation, I openly stated one morning in front of all of the coworkers around not to ever consider me for a shift swap because I would not do it.
Two weeks later, I received a message from a coworker I didn’t even know and had never recalled meeting before. This coworker requested to swap shifts. This coworker’s message made it seem as if I was getting a deal by giving up one of my weekend days for one of their weekdays. To top it off, the shift swap would have me working much later in the day. This was an absolute “no” for me. So I immediately declined the coworker’s offer.
Initially, I thought nothing of the coworker’s request until I received another request from them again. This time, they were giving me a two week notice for a swap day. Again, they wanted to swap one of my weekend days for one of their weekdays with a later shift. Like before, they made it seem as if I was being given a great deal. However, again, the hours for me to work would be even much later than their first request. Lucky for them, I was still in the same mood as before. I declined their offer.
Only a few hours after I clocked out of work, I received another message from the same coworker with a different shift swap request. Instead of responding to the message, I clocked out of my shift and went home. I was baffled as to how this coworker refused to take the decline as my “no” for an answer. At this point, I could sense a desperation, but the days of swapping were never the same. So, I didn’t think it was that serious. Was this person just trying to test me? Clearly. Yet, without speculating further into it, I just saw it as their desire to have a weekend day off.
As soon as I returned back to work after my time off, I again declined the coworker’s request for a swap. I actually asked around to find out who the coworker was, but no one I worked with knew this coworker. I thought if I was able to find out who the coworker was then I could introduce myself and explain how I wasn’t interested in swapping. One day, I actually thought I may have encountered the coworker in question. We passed by each other, and the grimace and eye roll this coworker gave me were a little odd. However, they may have been wondering why I was staring at them too.
Outside of behaving in an immature manner, this coworker seemed a bit standoffish towards me. So I didn’t bother to say anything at all to them. After all, I didn’t have a problem, and my workday schedule wasn’t an issue for me. The coworker in question wanted my help, but even after my declines, they didn’t seem to want to move on to asking anyone else. It was odd behavior to me that I can’t say I’d ever quite experienced from a coworker in this capacity.
A few days after this, the coworker again sent me a request to swap days for a day that I am never available to work since I had negotiated at the start of my hiring date that this day was off limits. At this point, I began seeing red and actually felt myself wanting to blow a fuse. There was very little notice given, and I wasn’t even at work to be able to decline it. It was my day off! This coworker wanted to switch for my weekend day – a day not given to the employer as a workday at all – for a random day of the week.
If I had been at work on the day I received this coworker’s swap request, I would have only had one day – my entire shift – to give a response. I perceived this coworker to either be a nuisance to erode my boundaries or someone who simply didn’t want to take “no” for an answer. Mind you, I thought the request was interesting since everyone I work with knows I never work one day because it’s not a part of my contract. In fact, I’d had a conversation with a coworker (and leader of the mobsters who attempted to bully me out of my place) who complained that many people might get upset and if they see a coworker always getting the same days off that people would like to have off.
In response to that coworker, I said that a person’s work schedule is nobody’s business. I don’t know why this coworker became agitated about my response. There was a great failure to understand that there was one day in my contract that I absolutely would not give to the company as a work day. It didn’t matter to me if this was understood or not because coworkers’ issues with scheduling have nothing to do with me. They can complain all they want. It was strange that this same coworker always has the same weekend day off because that’s what they chose to have but complained about the day I chose for me.
So, when I thought about this other pesky coworker who kept badgering me for shift swap requests, I had to wonder why I was being bombarded with these requests at all. Had they not considered negotiating for a day of their choosing? Did they not want to use any of their paid time off? I didn’t know. I didn’t even know the coworker at all to even make an assessment. I just felt hassled that every time I went into work my shift, I always had a request for a shift swap.
As a result of the nuisance, I sent the coworker a message. I told them I didn’t do shift swaps and that I wouldn’t be able to accomodate any future requests for shift swap either. This way, I had documentation if the situation escalated with more requests. For the record, this coworker had sent me many requests – some I declined and some that were automatically declined because it was my day off. After I began to realize the requests weren’t going to stop, I sought the coworker out to speak to them, but because I didn’t want to appear unprofessional, I decided to address them in an email.
Declining is the “no” I thought they could receive, but instead, I had to go one step further to protect myself and deescalate a growing concern regarding them. This coworker could not take “no” for an answer. So to cover myself in case I needed to later go to human resources, I sent the coworker an email. It was all to no avail. The requests continued to come. I supposed that the coworker either didn’t read their email or wanted to show me their persistence to wear me down so that I’d relent and change my mind.
I would find out later that this coworker actually sent a number of coworkers messages for swaps, but none of those who were sent messages accepted this coworker’s requests. Like me, the coworker also declined as well. Most of them simply stopped responding to the coworker’s requests at all because they also noted that this coworker was not taking “no” for an answer. Unlike those coworkers, however, I was beginning to dislike going to work to have to deal with the nuisance. So, I eventually took matters into my own hands to stop what I felt was becoming harassment.
When I feel pushed, I only come back harder until I reach a point of disengagement, and that’s exactly where this situation went before I copied my email and sent it to human resources. I quietly disengaged from responses and withdrew myself from even declining further requests. I simply forwarded the messages to human resources until I stopped receiving them. No one talked to me about it, but I also never received any more requests.
When people don’t respect your boundaries, it says more about them than you. By standing your ground, you’re reinforcing that your time and energy are valuable and not up for negotiation.
My Voice Unchained 