Narcissistic parents often use concern as a tool to manipulate their children into providing them with narcissistic supply. When they feign worry over their child’s well-being, it’s rarely because they are genuinely concerned; rather, they are seeking attention and control. By pretending that something might be wrong, they create a situation where their child is forced to engage with them, giving them the emotional response they crave. This kind of false concern can be confusing and emotionally exhausting for the child, who may feel obligated to reach out or explain themselves when there is no real issue.
The underlying goal of this behavior is to maintain a connection on the narcissist’s terms. By acting concerned, they position themselves as a caring and involved parent, but in reality, they are just manipulating the situation to draw the child closer and keep them dependent. Narcissistic parents thrive on the attention and emotional reactions they elicit, regardless of whether those responses come from love, fear, or frustration.
This feigned concern also allows them to maintain a sense of control. By inserting themselves into the child’s life under the guise of being helpful or worried, they can subtly steer the child’s decisions, actions, or emotions. The child, in turn, may feel guilty or obligated to reassure the parent, not realizing that this dynamic is less about their well-being and more about satisfying the parent’s need for attention.
In many cases, when the child resists or doesn’t respond in the way the narcissistic parent desires, the parent may escalate the situation, becoming more dramatic or critical. This reinforces the idea that the parent’s concern is not truly for the child’s welfare but is instead about feeding their own need for power, control, and validation. In the end, it’s another form of manipulation, disguised as care, meant to keep the narcissistic parent at the center of the child’s emotional world.
My Voice Unchained 