Damsel in Distress
One bully directly and indirectly ruled over at least six other coworkers – all female with the exception of one male. The male was used to attempt to subdue me by giving me unnecessary tasks to do to keep me away from the group. The supervisor had placed the male bully in charge of a department for which he was actually ill equipped to even handle. Plus, he was also very lazy and would disappear from the area for excessive breaks.
I found the male bully’s behavior odd because he had never mistreated me prior to being moved into this position. In fact, he was always quite nice and respectful towards me. I never even perceived him to be a bully. Yet, around the lead bully, who I refer to as Damsel in Distress, he was a totally different person, aiming to please her every whim. In fact, this grown man whom I believed to be in his early 30s, behaved like a complete child around Damsel in Distress. I’d even listen as the bass would leave his voice whenever he responded to her, but his voice would immediately return to being deep and loud when he responded to me.
In hindsight, I thought the male bully’s behavior towards me seemed very out of the ordinary, as if there was something he really needed to prove to Damsel in Distress, or even to himself. I watched how he basically catered to her and did everything at her beck and call. The two of them even had a coded language which was their obvious way of communicating about something dealing with me. It was a very strange dynamic, and I found myself dreading my workdays with them when they were all together.
I didn’t know until I began listening to mobster conversations that they all resided within the same apartment complex, and if someone in the group did not reside in their complex, then they certainly all hung out together and kept in contact via phone. As a matter of fact, on days that Damsel in Distress didn’t work, the flying monkeys kept her informed via text messages with updates about what was happening at work. I thought this was insane, but I also know this is how the narcissistic leader keeps tabs and control regarding what is going on. So, I was never really out of the Damsel’s sight even when she wasn’t there.
I refer to the main bully as Damsel in Distress because she whined and complained so much. She was always so negative no matter the occasion, and she was always gossiping. After watching her in operation, I had no doubt she was the main source of workplace information. She knew everything. She knew when someone was hired and when someone was fired. She knew the reasons behind almost all that took place within the workplace. It was as if all workplace business was her business.
Nothing was kept secret with Damsel in Distress. Anything told to her would always be told to someone else no matter how trivial the gossip or issue. It’s almost as if she couldn’t help herself, and if she was caught in the crossfire of spreading information, including misinformation, she would always turn on that babyish, whiney voice that grated my nerves. I was astounded that anyone bought into her manipulation. It didn’t take me long to figure out her crybaby ruse was all a part of her manipulative ploy to get what she wanted within the company.
Damsel in Distress would even fake cry … basically cry in that babyish, whiney voice without letting one tear fall from her tear ducts. It’s the whiney voice I hate to hear because it always signifies that the whiner is a manipulator. Using a babyish voice is meant to get the target(s) to give into demands. As quickly as Damsel in Distress turned on that babyish charm she subdued the target(s) under her control. Yet, as quickly as she turned on that babyish, whiney voice, she immediately turned it off and reverted back into being a wicked, mean tyrant.
I took note that Damsel in Distress’ voice changes always coincided with what she wanted as it pertained to her agenda. With supervisors, team leads, managers, and coaches, she would react as a Damsel in Distress to make herself out to be a whiney victim, but when she really wanted to throw her target(s) under the bus, she’d talk in a matter-of-fact and demanding voice to get her point(s) across. This change of voice was not only to signify how much of a victim she supposedly was of her target(s) but to also signify that she was in complete control of any given situation.
In addition, I noted that Damsel in Distress would always turn on that babyish voice to get what she wanted from someone she presumably could easily manipulate. The supervisor that seemed to be in cahoots with her would seemingly fall under her spell as I balked at the fact that this grown woman literally behaved as if she was a child.
When Damsel in Distress didn’t like a person, she’d revert back to using a harsh sounding voice and would become very demanding, short, and direct. There were certain people I noted that she’d use this harsh voice with, and they were generally people she didn’t like or people she attempted to intimidate. Damsel in Distress seemed to mistreat certain people more than others.
For instance, Damsel in Distress didn’t seem to have much tolerance the neurodivergents. In fact, she’d fuss a great deal about a visibly autistic coworker having a meltdown – not comprehending that the meltdown occurred because of sensory overload, etc. zWhen I explained, she was very combative and dismissive towards me. For the most part, I tend to mask my neurodivergence for the sake of survival, but sometimes it’s not always possible, and sometimes I don’t even care. That’s when I take note of Damsel in Distress giving me an evil glare. Yet, I tend to ignore her either way. I refuse to be intimidated by a grown woman throwing childish temper tantrums.
Generally, though, very few coworkrs cross Damsel in Distress mainly out of their fear of her retaliation and mean streak. She’s very much like the Loud and Annoying Narcissist that once worked alongside me in the same department. Their personalities are basically the same. In fact, Damsel in Distress was really not a kind person at all and was somewhat bossy and mean to most coworkers to exert control.
To keep myself from being attached to Damsel in Distress as if we were connected through shared behavior, I’d often show those same coworkers patience, kindness, and compassion. In this way, Damsel in Distress might have op felt somewhat obligated to change her behavior towards others in my presence. When she’d show a coworker her ugliness, I’d show that coworker that’s not the way to behave by simply showing my kindness and patience. In turn, those coworkers were less likely to associate Damsel and me as being the same type of person.
Oftentimes, I’d take deep sighs within myself because she was such a drama queen. The energy it required to be in her presence was sometimes so overwhelming. So to downplay her behavior, I’d limit discussions with her when at all possible, and if it were just me and her working together, I’d just listen to her talk but not necessarily engage with her. Knowing when to add “huh huh, hmms, and wow” or whatever was often all that was needed to signify to her that I was interacting. Besides, she wanted to be the star of her own “talk” show anyway.
Interacting with Damsel in Distress wasn’t difficult though. I already knew from my first meeting with her that she didn’t seem to like me at all anyway, but when it was just the two of us, she obviously seemed as if she had no choice but to talk to me even if I could tell by her energy that she didn’t really like doing so. The thing is though, narcissists feed off of any energy that anyone gives them even if they don’t like the person they are around. The narcissistic supply is all a narcissist cares about no matter where that supply comes from.
Over time, I gathered that the behavior of Damsel in Distress was no different than another coworker I dreaded working with who’d held the same position. It was the Loud and Annoying Narcissist that the supervisor had replaced with Damsel in Distress. In fact, I’d say the two coworkers are literally the same as it pertains to narcissistic patterns but slightly different in terms of spectrum. Both behaved as if they hated the ground that I walked on. The only difference was that the Loud and Annoying Narcissist didn’t try to hide her disdain for me at all but would still try to interact with me to gain some sort of supply.
Needless to say, I have no doubt that Damsel in Distress is a narcissist. Her behaviors range from overt to covert, but she is rather passive aggressive and always uses others to do her dirty work. Her main issue is that she’s a busybody always stirring up trouble with her gossip. She talks about everyone even if indirectly without using a person’s name. She seems to know everyone’s business. However, if someone knows something that she doesn’t, then she’ll shut them down in an effort to get their information fact checked, or she’ll behave as if the person doesn’t know what they are talking about.
I learned very quickly that nothing I shared with Damsel in Distress would be kept secret even though I didn’t share any personal secrets with her. This is just to say that there was nothing I said that didn’t travel to another person’s ears. If I said anything, her flying monkeys always knew the information. So I was always very careful to not say anything I didn’t want her to know. I also had to be careful about agreeing with her regarding issues with other coworkers because she’d try to say to others that I had cosigned on something she’s said as if I agreed with her, thereby making me guilty by association.
In time, Damsel in Distress wanted to be my friend, but I never succumbed to her desires. She frequently asked me for my phone number as a way to “keep in touch”, but I always found a way to deter or resist her. She always invited me to outings or get togethers, but I always declined her invitations. My usual excuse was always the truth … that I didn’t like being in groups of people or I had other things to do. She also frequently asked me about my favorite foods so that she could prepare them for me to eat. Nope! I’d instantly decline that offer. I’ve been down that literal road of being food poisoned by at least two narcissists before. So I definitely refused to take that as bait.
In fact, I locked myself up like I was iron clad and couldn’t be broken into at all. I never actually talked about my personal life to Damsel in Distress (or anyone else) at all – not even to mention what my plans were after work or during my days off. The less I gave information, the better it was for me when I needed to stay out of the crosshairs of destruction. Any conversations I did engage in with Damsel in Distress were always surface topics related to social media news that provided a little depth for me enough to want to engage, or I simply listened to her so that I could gain information into her psyche. I wanted to understand what made her a narcissist.
In time, I’d learn enough about Damsel in Distress to know that giving her the benefit of doubt would be a huge mistake and difficult to bounce back from without repercussions. Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 