A Real Life Drama Queen
I suppose the video was meant as a scare tactic to put me in submission, but it backfired. The video was of Damsel in Distress on an actual talk show. On the episode of this talk show, she was giving the audience a view into her personal life that revolved around a cheating spouse, and in doing so, the guests – her husband and the husband’s mistress – got into both a verbal and physical altercation.
Although I was not surprised by all the drama, my jaw did drop that Damsel in Distress had chosen to show me this video. Although I was intrigued, I was also confused as to why she wanted me to see the video. I knew she wanted to be friends, but I didn’t know if showing me the video was her way of showing me that she was about a certain type of lifestyle prone to violence or if she had a tendency to be imbalanced or something.
Although I tried not to show any judgment regarding the video, I kept the behavior exhibited from the video in a compartment of my mind. After all, this was something that occurred in this Damsel’s younger days. People do change. However, change was not so evident with this Damsel. She was still the same type of person, always stirring up drama wherever she went in the workplace. Drama was also a major part of her personal life.
The more I got to know Damsel as a coworker, the more I got to know her personal life too. In fact, there was nothing that she didn’t share with just about any of her flying monkeys, the mobsters. Even if she didn’t directly share her personal information with me, I was always able to hear her conversations as if so on purpose, since I happened to always be in the vicinity of working so closely with her and the mobsters.
As a matter of fact, the more I saw into the dynamics of Damsel’s life, the more I realized that giving her the benefit of doubt would prove to be a grave mistake. For a time, though, I felt sorry for her. Undoubtedly, she’d had a hard life and experienced quite a bit of trauma. Some of the things she told me left me too mute to even know how to respond to her. So I’d always remain silent and just listened to her.
I never offered Damsel any advice. I simply reflected back whatever she told me. It was my way of showing her that I really listened to her, but even some of the hardcore trauma she shared with was too gruesome for me to want to dwell on, so I just offered her issues to God in prayer. I knew from experience that some narcissists will share personal details about themselves for their own agenda. They seek supply. They seek empathy. Yet, they also seek to use their life stories to draw their listeners into revealing personal details about themselves in an effort to destroy them later.
Sometimes with Damsel, I could only think, “Hey lady, I’m here to work. I don’t want to hear all that. I’m not a therapist.” Yet, I wanted to extend empathy at the same time despite there being a time and a place for that type of sharing. The best I could do was ask her about therapy and if she’d ever considered it. I found out she had not ever considered it because she was a survivor and would simply use her story to help others.
Nevertheless, I wondered what possessed her to want to share such intimate details about her personal life in a work setting and talk so loudly about it that others could hear her. Her loud talking made me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t think I was the only one who felt this way upon hearing her story. All the while, she kept saying she was not ashamed of her life. It is one of the most paradoxical things about narcissists I have known.
The narcissists I’ve know have shared their stories with me without shame, but once I’d take a closer look into their being and revealed to them that I could actually see and feel their pain because I could see them, their shame would literally rise up within their faces and their body language … as if they had somehow been exposed and as if sharing their story alone wasn’t exposure in and of itself.
Although a strange paradox, I think that those narcissists hadn’t realized that anyone could want to know them deeply and understand their pain, and when they found someone who could see them for who they are and still love them, they’d feel shame because they are actually seen as if a secret was discovered that they wanted to keep hidden. (I don’t know if I’m making sense here, but being able to see beyond a person’s disorder and see who they really are is sometimes why I’ll give a narcissist, in particular, the benefit of doubt.)
Nevertheless, I was both shocked and bothered by how nonchalantly Damsel in Distress shared her trauma out in the open within a work setting. I stared intently at her, but I noted that there was no emotion behind her eyes. She was just talking as normal as she does when she gossips. It was strange and robotic. It was like she had no couth whatsoever, and no sense of care regarding professionalism within the workplace … that certain personal issues are not for public conversation.
I was unable to speak in response to her candid sharing for the rest of the shift. In fact, I was frozen in silence until I left work. If she had expected me to share in response, she was in for a rude awakening. Absolutely nothing would ever make me share such intimate and traumatic stories in a work setting for other listening ears. I don’t even share superficial details about myself that can’t be searched online. All I could think was, “If you can’t find information about me on Google, then you’re not going to know anything outside of that at work.”
Later on, though, I realized that the amount of personal sharing done by both Damsel and some of her flying monkeys was intended for me to share personal details about myself as well. However, this plan didn’t go as they’d hope. My lips were even more sealed, and I felt the need to be even more careful. It came to a point that I knew it was worth mentioning more than a few times that “I’m always going to be professional” despite me realizing that maybe the mobsters simply had no concept of what professionalism actually meant in the workplace.
Believe me when I say those mobsters tried everything to enhance my downfall at the workplace to the point that the actual atmosphere at work was making me ill. A downfall was wanted, and a downfall was intended for me. Giving a narcissist the benefit of doubt is a huge mistake.
Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 