I was 32 years old when I purchased my first bathing suit. It was a big deal for me because it was the first bathing suit I had ever worn. I hadn’t worn a bathing suit ever before because somewhere in the compartmental recesses of my mind, I’d associated wearing a bathing suit with the shame of exposure (of my body).
Frankly, a bathing suit was a reminder of the shame I felt of being exposed moments after I’d spent the day at a pool learning how to swim in a pair of my favorite shorts and a t-shirt. I was a developing young girl, and even in those sheer 70s-styled shorts and shirt, my body had attracted the attention of two teenage boys who later assaulted me when I was nine years old.
Because I had experienced shame from what I had worn that horrible day, I wouldn’t dare ever wear a bathing suit. Oddly, I never went to a pool again until I was 32 when I was relearning how to swim. It was then that I had an overwhelming desire to wear a bathing suit. So I set out to make my first purchase.
I remember going to several stores to find the perfect bathing suit. I wanted one that would not only flatter my body, but I wanted one that would make me feel less exposed (if that was possible). I soon found one that was perfect for me, and to date, it was my favorite bathing suit that I’d ever worn.
A friend of mine, at the time, who I’d grow to discover is a narcissist, fell in love with my bathing suit the first time I’d worn it. This narcissist loved my bathing suit so much that she purchased one just like it for herself. Back then, I didn’t see the big deal. We shared similar tastes and wore a lot of the same types of outfits. I didn’t notice it much then, but she was a bit of a copycat and always tried to one-up me. In fact, I didn’t notice a lot until I began researching narcissistic personality disorder.
Needless to say, this narcissist and I went on a disastrous road trip together where I made a lot of discoveries concerning her personality. During our stay at a hotel, we decided to relax one evening at the hot tub. I wore my favorite bathing suit, and the narcissist wore the same one too. While we were wearing our identical bathing suits, I received a compliment on mine, but she did not receive a compliment on hers.
The lack of acknowledgment that this narcissist received set her off into a silent rage. I only noticed that she was somewhat angry by the way she bore down on her teeth to force a smile at me when I asked her if anything was wrong. That compliment that I’d received had cast a damper upon the rest of the evening, thereby turning her happy mood into a somber one. She’d later say after dinner that I needed the confidence boost from that compliment since I wasn’t accustomed to wearing bathing suits.
When I think about her words now, I realized that she was devaluing me and making light of the compliment that I’d received, but if anything, her change in attitude gave me intuitive insight into carefully considering what might occur next. What would later happen is that I’d return home from that road trip with her to find that my bathing suit mysteriously went missing. I could only conclude that this narcissist had taken it out of my suitcase when I was not in the room because I had definitely packed it and had it in a particular compartment with the rest of my worn clothing.
The Narcissistic CopyCat
Narcissists often copy or mimic others for several reasons, which usually revolve around their need for control, admiration, and validation. One of the primary motivations behind this behavior is their lack of a solid sense of self. Narcissists tend to create a false self or identity that is shaped by the traits they observe and admire in others, especially in people they see as successful, desirable, or powerful. By copying you, they try to incorporate your qualities into their own persona, attempting to elevate themselves and gain social approval.
Another reason is to manipulate or establish control over you. When narcissists copy your behavior, preferences, or even style, they might be doing so to gain your trust and mirror your identity back to you, making you feel like you have a lot in common. This tactic, known as “mirroring,” can create a bond that makes you more likely to trust or confide in them, which can then be exploited for their benefit.
Additionally, narcissists might copy you to diminish your uniqueness or achievements. By imitating what makes you stand out, they blur the lines between your identity and theirs, reducing the spotlight on you and redirecting attention to themselves. This can lead to frustration as they try to outshine you by mimicking your strengths while trying to take credit for them.
Ultimately, this behavior ties back to their deep-seated insecurities, need for validation, and desire for control in relationships.
As far as the bathing suit, I never found it, and I was never able to replace that exact design either, but I was certain that the narcissist had taken it. When she realized that I couldn’t find it, she had that narcissistic smirk on her face that told me everything I needed to know about her involvement regarding the bathing suit. If she couldn’t copy me and receive the same compliments as me, then I guess she didn’t think it was worth it for me to have the bathing suit.
My Voice Unchained 