Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to someone else, usually unconsciously. Imagine someone feeling insecure about their own capabilities at work; instead of recognizing this, they might accuse a coworker of being incompetent or not pulling their weight. By “projecting” these feelings outward, the person avoids facing or processing their own discomfort, instead pushing it onto someone else as if it’s that person’s problem.
People project for various reasons, often to protect themselves from feelings they find difficult to confront or to defend against aspects of themselves they dislike or don’t understand. This can include avoidance of self-reflection, protecting self-esteem, and/or emotional discomfort. Generally, a person may find it easier to externalize unpleasant feelings, like anger or inadequacy, rather than question why they feel this way or examine their role in a situation.
If a person struggles with low self-worth, projecting onto others can give them a temporary sense of superiority. By attributing faults to someone else, they can deflect attention from their own insecurities. Emotions like shame, guilt, or envy are uncomfortable to feel. Projecting helps a person to manage these emotions by perceiving them as someone else’s issue instead of their own.
While projection can offer temporary relief for the person doing it, it often causes confusion and tension for those on the receiving end, who might feel unfairly judged or blamed for behaviors they don’t identify with.
Discerning Projection
I experience a profound awareness of projection, and I’ve found it to be a very challenging experience at times, especially within environments where people can easily frame their frustrations or conflicts onto me. In fact, since I can remember, even within childhood, I’ve always discerned when emotions and issues are projected onto me. I’ve always known that even when someone has told me I felt a certain type of way that I actually did not feel a certain type of way. I have always known when emotions directed towards me weren’t truly mine to own and weren’t a reflection of who I am.
Projection tends to build a wall. Although the wall is invisible, I can feel it. Feeling like there’s an invisible wall when someone is projecting onto me often comes from the disconnect between a person’s perception of me and my true self. Projection works like a filter—the person seeing me through a lens shaped by their own unresolved feelings, not based on who I actually am. When this happens, projection creates a barrier because the person is not interacting with the real “me”; they’re engaging with their internalized issues or judgments.
This invisible wall of projection can feel impenetrable because, on some level, I instinctively recognize that trying to engage or clarify things won’t be effective. Since the projector’s behavior stems from their inner world, even if I offer genuine feedback or try to show my perspective, the projector would still misinterpret it, as they’re focused on defending against their own discomfort.
Feeling someone else’s projection against me often feels isolating because, despite my attempts to be myself or connect, the projector’s emotional defenses are preventing genuine interaction. Instead, I use the invisible wall of their projected “stuff” to help me maintain my own boundaries and stay centered and true to who I am because I know that the projector is struggling with unresolved issues or simply trying to control a narrative in their favor.
What I Discern
Narcissistic individuals often expect for those around them to “fall in line” with what they want. Falling in line often means agreeing with them or behaving in ways that fit their expectations. Since I always move to the beat of my own drum and do whatever works for me, I am often seen as resistant to a narcissistic individual’s desires.
Any tendency for me to not engage within workplace drama or remain focused on me disrupts the narcissistic individual’s sense of control, which might make them uncomfortable and lead them to shift the blame onto me for whatever negative feelings they are dealing with in the moment. In these moments, their anger or resentment may build until they find a way to redirect it towards me, often through the act of giving the silent treatment, gossiping, stonewalling, or framing me as the problem.
Although it’s taken me years to learn this, I have now learned to process the emotions of the projector instead of wrestling within myself to determine whether emotions that aren’t mine really aren’t mine. By consciously discerning a person’s projections, I am essentially insulating myself from taking on feelings that don’t belong to me. This also means that, although others’ behaviors may create a wall of isolation around me, they’re unintentionally building it for themselves because they’re not dealing with their own issues directly. By maintaining clarity and remaining grounded in my own perception of events, I’m showing remarkable resilience.
To maintain this balance, it helps for me to continue grounding myself in self-awareness and, if necessary, journal about these interactions. This keeps my mind clear and helps me distinguish between my genuine emotions and the negativity projected by others. Furthermore, reinforcing positive boundaries and maintaining a clear understanding of my value can help counteract the effects of their actions. Even if the atmosphere remains challenging, I’m practicing an incredible level of emotional intelligence that will ultimately support my mental well-being and inner peace.
My Voice Unchained 