My secret enemy has always been someone who I believed to be my friend. The fact that this secret enemy and I would share what I believed to have been comradery and love was nothing but a mere facade. Yet, they were the only ones enlightened to this knowledge; I was in the dark. I was blinded by what they said despite the eerie feelings (more like red flags) that something was amiss. Eventually, I would realize that it was their feelings of envy, jealousy and hatred towards me which changed my perspective about who they were in my life.
My Secret Enemy
Realizing that someone I once considered a friend actually harbored negative feelings like envy, jealousy, or even hatred against me was deeply painful and disorienting. In fact, it was a profound betrayal, especially when I trusted the person and believed in the authenticity of our relationship. Discovering this hidden animosity forced me to re-evaluate the past and the dynamics I shared with the person.
Factually, upon my discovery, I felt a mix of emotions, from hurt and disbelief to anger and sadness. Recognizing that someone’s resentment may have been masked by friendliness or even support can left me questioning their motives and the genuineness of our shared experiences. I also felt a sense of loss for what I thought the relationship was, coupled with a need to protect myself from further emotional harm.
This type of betrayal happened often enough that I had to work on ways to process and handle the realization that I had a host of secret enemies. I had to acknowledge my feelings by allowing myself to grieve the loss of friendship I believed I had, even while the so-called friendship was still happening. I had to reflect on the dynamics and think back on any moments or signs I overlooked regarding that so-called friend’s true feelings about me.
I had to reflect without blaming myself and reflect in a way that I could gain a clearer understanding of how the situation unfolded with my secret enemy. I’d actually come to find that the secret enemy’s emotions and feelings towards me were actually a secret at all. I’d always had a hunch that something was amiss. So I had to go back to that hunch and question as to why I would feel it and then consider what was going on within my presence to make me feel that way.
While my secret enemy was still in my life, I had to consider setting boundaries to protect my emotional well-being. This sometimes meant limiting contact with the enemy or disengaging from conversations with them that made me feel unsafe and undervalued. I had to also focus my efforts on healthy connections by surrounding myself with people who genuinely supported and uplifted me.
Interestingly, I couldn’t find friends who’d uplift me and celebrate me within the same circle shared with the secret enemy, since those so-called mutual friends were more the secret enemy’s friends than mine. When times were tough, those mutual friends would actually choose to stand by my secret enemy. So those were the times that I came to understand my place within their lives, and that was really no place at all except for in a state of devaluation.
Thus, I had to realize it was not their validation or explanation that I needed to move forward. In fact, as much as I tried to understand a secret enemy’s dislike of me, I never fully understood. Instead, however, I chose to trust in my own worth and find connections with people who would nourish my spirit even if that mean a long time without the true connections I desired to have in my life. No connection was better than a false connection built upon a facade of someone who secretly hated me but pretended that they did not hate me.
In the end, I had to eventually distance myself altogether from such connections and reveal to that secret enemy that I knew the truth. I didn’t have to necessarily even expose this fact. They just knew that I knew the truth by the fact that I chose to walk away and go no-contact from them. I chose to cut off all connections to them by choosing to never engage with them again. This also mean cutting off connections to mutual so-called friends.
So that I could stay true to myself and continue to walk in my authentic self free from negativity, I did choose to practice forgiveness. This didn’t mean that I excused any of my secret enemies’ behaviors against me, and it also didn’t mean I allowed them back into my life. I simply meant that I chose to release the hold their negativity had over me by choosing not to allow their hatred, envy, jealousy or any other negative emotion cause me to linger in pain.
Conclusion
Encountering someone who turns out to be a “secret enemy” can shake your trust in others just as mine was shaken each time I encountered a secret enemy, but it can also strengthen your ability to discern genuine connections from superficial ones. After some time, I was able to discern patterns with secret enemies long before a secret enemy knew that I was on to them.
By processing the experience and reinforcing my boundaries, I actually became more attuned to relationships that aligned with my well-being and personal growth. In fact, it was easy when I could easily see the fruit of a person’s life, and when that fruit didn’t match the words that the person spoke in terms of their character, I knew this person had the potential to be an enemy.
Although I don’t necessarily believe that a person sets out to be my enemy, I do know that sometimes people deal with their own personal issues and have a tendency to project them when they don’t want to deal with them. I also know that I’m not necessarily at war with people themselves but more so the spiritual entities that surround them.
Remember, your self-worth is not defined by someone else’s envy or animosity.
My Voice Unchained 