The mobbing behaviors against me at my current job were intense for a number of weeks. I’d quietly suffer through the mobsters’ silent treatment, stonewalling, and gaslighting behaviors. Sometimes, however, I’d mumble to myself with annoyance. I was sick and tired of dealing with immature adults. The mobsters were competitive against me for absolutely no reason that I could give them because I wasn’t even trying to compete with them. I just wanted to do my job well and go home.
Only on the days that the leading mobster was present, a narcissist I refer to as Damsel in Distress, would the mobsters actually participate in mobbing behaviors against me. Otherwise, each individual member of the mob would actually sometimes try to have basic conversation with me. I was careful with this, though, because I perceived it as a tactic for them to gather information about me. Also, I always knew when they were up to know good. Their covert behaviors were always uncovered and laid bare before me because of my ability to discern through their manipulations.
A number of times each individual mobster would attempt to gain access to me by asking for my phone number as a way to “stay in touch in case something happened,” while on the job or they’d ask me about personal details of my life. I never shared anything about myself that wasn’t searchable on the internet. If I did give details, they were so abysmal that the mobsters could only stare at me in wonder. Otherwise, my lips were sealed on even the simplest of details about myself. Nothing ventured; nothing gained.
Yet, at some point, the mobbing behaviors against me eventually died down, even on the days that all participants were present at work. I was grateful that team leads had separated this group of bullies. Overall, they were not effective at actually working together without some type of drama. Fortunately, this separation provided me with some times of peace, but I was often left to work with only Damsel, the leader of the mob. Without flying monkeys, however, the leader wasn’t so tough on her own. She was merely a distressed damsel – always the victim of some salacious story she needed to tell.
Interestingly, I’d find that being around each mobster member individually was to my advantage. In this way, I’d learn about who they were apart from each other as a whole group. I’d also learn what made them possibly desire to bully others. Oddly, I’m not even sure their desires to bully actually took precedence over their roaringly loud insecurities and personal issues. In fact, I think their need to bully actually came out of their insecurities and personal issues. Those issues were always on display one way or another, and if they were not actually talking about their insecurities, they were projecting their insecurities onto me.
With each mobster, I’d learn their ranking within the group as it related to their connection to Damsel. She seemed to control the group, and they seemed to fall all over themselves trying to please her. It was odd to watch because I could also tell that Damsel didn’t like them all that much either. She only seemed to gravitate to them based on the amount of dramatic stories they could bring her as it pertained to people within the workplace.
There were even times that I could see her disdain for the flying monkeys in the way that they worked on the job. In fact, sometimes I thought Damsel looked disapprovingly at each of them individually when their work wasn’t up to par. I got that she sincerely wanted them to all compete against me, and when someone wasn’t working at their hardest, then they couldn’t collectively win against me.
On the other hand, Damsel was a hard worker. I actually felt that working hard was the only way for her to obtain the recognition and validation she desired for herself. If no one was telling her she was doing a good job, she seemed to react with disappointment. Surprisingly, together, she and I made a good team in getting things accomplished, and I can say those are the times that I felt more at peace in her presence. When I sensed there was no competition, no projection, and no animosity, I actually liked working with her.
This isn’t to say that Damsel didn’t try to shirk her responsibilities once in a while. In fact, overall, the mobsters were a lazy bunch, and I’d soon realize they manipulated their way into their roles by stealing assignments and taking credit for the work of others. In fact, I’d often take note that the mobsters would often wait around for me or another member of the team so that they could literally assist us with our assignments but make the claim that they were only trying to help us. This always annoyed me because they were literally getting the credit for my hard work.
The job itself is incredibly easy, and I didn’t need nor want their help. I knew they made excuses to help so they didn’t have to do any additional work. Plus, if they were not around me, they behaved as if they’d be missing out on something. In fact, I’d watch them out of my peripheral vision and see them make up something to do to keep from doing their actual jobs in the hopes that if a team lead would come around, they’d be more prone to designate me with a task away from the group.
After having enough of the mobsters’ games of manipulation, I eventually matched their energies against me. When they’d hoard over the work in an effort to keep me isolated and away from the group even though we were all supposed to complete whole assignments together, I began hoarding my lone assignments and would make sure they couldn’t take them away from me. I didn’t even have to say anything about it. I’d simply show up much later to the group with my tasks when they were about done with theirs so that they would have no choice but to leave the area to gather more of their own tasks.
Needless to say, I took to learning about each mobster, and often found that my guard was up with them even on an individual level. I simply couldn’t relax around them at all. There was always an invisible partition that I could actually feel. It was an energy I was all to familiar with when I’m around someone who’s words didn’t match the overall truth of the situation. It wasn’t that I even wanted to be friends with any of them, but I didn’t want to feel like I constantly needed to watch my back around them either.
Yet, I found that having to watch my back and discern the energy the mobsters projected was always the case even when they weren’t around Damsel. There was always something in their individual behaviors that caused me to pause and consider the red flags of their behavior. For instance, each flying monkey mobster would have conversations with me about their personal life issues or just something random to have something to talk about, but I never felt like I was comfortable enough just to share and be myself with them.
Not being able to freely share even the simplest details of who I am as a person is always a major red flag to me. It was as if I had to search for a way to respond to each individual mobster because there was something within the conversation that just didn’t feel sincere or genuine. Mainly, I’d just listen to what they had to say about their lives. The only time there was common ground was when there was anything to mutually share about our frustrations with the tasks and routines of our jobs. Otherwise, mum’s the word.
Many times, I knew Damsel and the flying monkeys were simply trying to get information from me even when they were discussing the details of their lives, but I’d always be pretty matter of fact with my responses. If there was something I didn’t want to talk about, I simply didn’t. I never talked about my personal life issues at all. I was even hesitant to even say if I had a headache. After so much experience from past situations with narcissistic types who gladly used my own information against me, I’m no longer at ease being an open book about anything going on in my life. I just let people assume.
Mainly, I pretty much live my life independently, and people will generally gather from what they perceive about me anyway. Based on what they gather, I’m just a single, lonely lady with nothing much going on within my life. Unless I mention something that causes people to take a step back and actually reflect with wonder, my life is pretty much a mystery. I never even talk in terms of my associations with other people if it’s not necessary. I also don’t mention anything about my family unless I share something bain from childhood like something as silly as a favorite cartoon or something so surface it’s not worth a conversation.
I guess I’d say I learned from experience that things and people can change on a dime. I really don’t trust people nor situations, but I do trust patterns. When those patterns have a way of repeating themselves, I can pretty much navigate the situation I’m in at any given moment. Learning about the way in which some of my coworkers operate has been so useful in helping me to navigate my way within a narcissistic work environment. Having made the choice to remain in such an environment requires that I find ways to protect my peace at all costs because when that dime flips (as coins often do), I should always be prepared for what comes next.
My Voice Unchained 