A coworker I’ve referred to as the Loud and Annoying Narcissist faded out of the spotlight at work until one day I noticed she was gone. There was no fanfare over her leaving. Her absence wasn’t mentioned until it was discussed over a brief conversation about the fact that there was a calmness within certain work areas. That’s just how loud and annoying this narcissist was within the work environment.
The Loud and Annoying Narcissist could be heard before she was ever seen, and I always figured it was because she needed to have that much attention on herself. I wondered if she talked loud for the sake of simply being the only voice that could be heard because literally her voice was the only voice one could hear. I’d often have conversations with someone else and could often not hear myself simply because this narcissist had the ability to drown out and talk over any other sound.
The Loud and Annoying Narcissist demanded respect, but more than respect, she demanded fear. A lot of coworkers dreaded working with her because she was not a nice person. I even heard a few say they were afraid of her. From day one, I saw the mean side of her, and it was the only side I really came to know. It was also the side of her I strongly disliked because she gave off negative mean girl energy almost as if it was a right to simply be mean for no reason.
The Loud and Annoying Narcissist was one of my first introductions into the workspace. She was my team lead and the one I reported to from day one. Aside from the narcissistic hiring manager that reminded me of my narcissist mother, this narcissistic coworker was nothing more than a bully. From my first encounter with her, I knew immediately that she didn’t like me. My presence was an agitation to her, and she made it her task to let others know this. She’d roll her eyes and smack her lips any time she encountered me. In fact, she quite often looked at me with a type of disdain that seemed to muster up her disgust of me.
Although we would greet each other as a formality, her energy was not friendly towards me at all. It was clear to me that she wanted to intimidate me, but I’m not easily intimidated, and I have grown so accustomed to her kind of personality that I knew to immediately zero in on the insecurities she projected outwardly. Most often, she avoided any eye contact with me unless I’d turn in a direction to catch her staring a hole into my soul. She was always giving me the evil eye, and I could always feel her contempt of me. She’d speak to me in a way that was condescending as if I was beneath her. She seemed to hate the ground on which I walked upon. It was even obvious to others.
However, the Loud and Annoying Narcissist demeaned everyone in her presence. No one seemed to be more capable than her, and despite my coming from the world of education into the corporate arena, she talked to me in a way that was an attempt to make me seem less than. Oftentimes, I had to be careful not to let my wit get the best of me. Although I am often silent in the face of someone’s attempts to devalue me, once I’ve reached my limit, I often don’t hold back. In fact, I’ve been told my sarcasm can cut like a knife. Despite her meanness, I never backed down from her, and I didn’t allow her negative comments get the best of me even though I sometimes had to take a step back, regroup, and regather myself.
Around the time that the house of diabolical cards created by a team of managing bullies began to fall apart, the Loud and Annoying Narcissist rescinded her position as team lead and became a regular worker like me. Yet, not wanting to give up too much power over others, she placed herself on the team that I worked on, and there began my days of workplace dread. I hated working with her because she was always so loud and so negative. Everything was a challenge because of her negative attitude. She reminded me a lot of another narcissistic coworker I’ve referred to as Damsel in Distress.
Both the Loud and Annoying Narcissist and Damsel in Distress had mean streaks and loved bossing others around. Their mantra seemed to be that if they weren’t happy, then no one else should be happy either. They had a tendency to spill out their negative vibes onto everyone, and I often had to literally pray against the transference of their negativity onto me. Both also loved attention and always sought validation from others. In addition, both worked to diabolically scheme to get me pushed out of my position and would band together with other adversaries who didn’t like me to talk about me and silently bully me. These women were nothing more than former high school mean girls who quite never grew out of being mean and immature.
Needless to say, when there came a time of shaking within the work environment, a mob of bully team leads, coaches and managers were moved out of their positions either because they were fired or demoted, and a time of quiet reprieve was given to the victims of their emotional and verbal abuses. I reckoned that it was easier for the Loud and Annoying Narcissist to step down so that she wouldn’t come under fire. Laying low simply meant that she could continue to do her meanness towards others undercover, and for a while, this is how she briefly displayed her narcissistic antics.
Personally, I found the Loud and Annoying Narcissist to be an unlikable woman even though she had a few positive traits. If she wasn’t so mean, the good qualities about her might have made her a likable person, but I’ve even wondered if she didn’t prefer to be liked by others. She was just so very mean and grouchy all the time. I couldn’t even ask her a reasonable question about the work without her always copping an attitude. So, I avoided talking to her at all. The few times there’d be a group discussion about work, she’d always do her best to drown me out of the discussion by talking over me. I sensed that she disliked me that much.
Needless to say, I stopped directing any questions the Loud and Annoying Narcissist’s way, and I made it a point to never even talk to her at all. I mostly grey rocked her simply because her attitude about everything was so intolerable. I spent my work time simply listening to her talk and drown out any voice that didn’t agree with her. In fact, a few other coworkers didn’t like her either because of her negativity, but in order to keep peace with her, those same coworkers would always gather to her side, and this meant they were always sided against me even though I was always silent. It was strange, but I totally expected their reactions because that’s how it usually is for me. In fact, most coworkers who talked to her would never be caught talking to me on the days she was present, and when she was present, I was always given the silent treatment and/or stonewalled out of everything.
Overall, anyone in a position of power almost always left the Loud and Annoying Narcissist alone and to her own devices. Once, a team lead and former coworker of hers outed her as a bully, and the life force of who she was as a person seemed to immediately drain from her face. Even though she was a bully, being verbally outed as one caused her great shame, and in the coming days after this statement was made, she wreaked a catastrophic worldwind of insults upon anyone in her path. Being outed had incurred her a great narcissistic injury from which it seemed hard for her to recover.
There were also other times when male coworkers would verbally stand down against the Loud and Annoying Narcissist for their right to be heard to voice their opinions or thoughts about a situation. Since she was so keen on drowning out others and talking over them, many male coworkers would speak to her in such a way that it would shut her completely down. I never gathered that these male coworkers were trying to disrespect her. They were simply fighting for their right not to be disrespected, and those were the times that I could see that appearance of rage shroud her eyes. Being shut down by anyone also incurred her narcissistic injury, and that injury was simply not allowed to manifest as her shame.
Simply put, the Loud and Annoying Narcissist was highly insecure, and I noticed that when she was the loudest was when her insecurities were on display. If she talked loudly about her accomplishments, I always took note this meant she was lacking in some place else, and it may have been that someone else was complimented about their work, skills or talents. Around me, she had the need to speak frequently about educational things to make her sound as if she were highly intelligent. Not to say that she wasn’t intelligent, but I most often saw her need to talk as if education may have been an area of insecurity for her.
Overtime, I began to hear of the Loud and Annoying Narcissist less and less as she was present at work less and less, but I also saw less of her because she was removed from our shared work team. Although this was a relief for a time, the relief ended when she was replaced with another version of herself in the form of another narcissist, Damsel in Distress. Yet, I noticed that once the accolades of the Loud and Annoying Narcissist were reduced and once superiors no longer wanted to deal with her antics, she began emotionally and physically withering away as a result.
The Loud and Annoying Narcissist had even mentioned to me once how unhappy she was with the work environment, but by then, I had observed that those within superior positions just weren’t willing to put up with her narcissistic behaviors anymore. Plus, the power structure she was once a part of, in the form of two other mean narcissistic bully leaders and a host of flying monkeys who catered to them, had been torn down because those bullies and flying monkeys had either been fired, demoted, or quit. So, although the toxicity within the work environment was still present, it wasn’t as pronounced as it had been before, and I don’t think she could survive the work environment unless there was absolute chaos.
In the end, a narcissist needs narcissistic supply for survival, or they will essentially lose interest and move on. Gladly for this particular workplace, the Loud and Annoying Narcissist chose to move on, but unfortunately for the next workplace, her reign of terror will begin anew. Needless to say, ding dong! One narcissist is gone, and I couldn’t be more the merrier and neither can any of this narcissist’s victims.
My Voice Unchained 