There are several factions within my current workplace. These factions are together for various reasons. Some are bullies and some are friends. The all seem there to support each other in one way or the other. I belong to neither of them. I’m a faction of my own.
Needless to say, I’ve come to realize that instead of there being many solo individuals, there are those that get together to create a faction for mere survival. The fear of being eaten alive with no witnesses to stand by for assistance within the corporate setting is a very real thing. I’ve experienced it myself. If I didn’t have the confidence to stand alone, I really would choose not to.
I think it’s because of other experiences I’ve had with bullying and mobbing within a work environment has given me the stamina and courage I’ve needed to stand alone if I have no one else, but then again, I’ve been standing alone pretty much my entire life. But as I’ve reiterated, there’s nothing like having a strong support system, and I believe this is why many factious groups within a work setting actually form.
Although there are many factious groups that resort to bullying and mobbing against others to get their way and/or survive within the work setting, some of these groups form out of the necessity for protection and support. One such group I think of within my workplace was started by a woman. This group originally began out of comradery and burgeoning friendships, but over time, I wasn’t the only one noticing changes within this group and how they approached team work.
What appeared to be a gang of men led by a woman actually turns out to be a group banding together for support. I’d originally wondered if the woman of the group actually gravitated toward this group of men because of issues with the mobsters, and it turns out that I was partially right. Not only did the woman have similar backgrounds to the men she bonded with, but they were all experiencing issues with the leader of the mobsters, a coworker I refer to as Damsel In Distress.
Damsel In Distress is no doubt a narcissist. She has all the characteristics of one described within the DSM-V. On a good day, one can expect to be in the idealization phase of her abuses, but on the most terrible of days, one knows beyond a doubt they’ve been discarded because Damsel’s silent treatment can be quite lethal. I’ve experienced this silent treatment on multiple occasions myself.
In the beginning, however, I hadn’t taken much notice that there were any other issues with Damsel and other coworkers because I was always the main target. It wasn’t until this faction led by the female coworker formed did I begin to notice I was no longer a main target. In fact, I had become a minor target when Damsel’s anger would be projected elsewhere for the sake of keeping up a good appearance so that it would never appear there were issues with me, particularly when team leads, coaches, and managers were around the team.
It wasn’t until a team lead informed me about a verbal altercation between the female lead of the male faction and Damsel did I realize with conformation that issues existed between the two. Otherwise, Damsel and her flying monkeys would always make it appear that I was the main issue. The only time I was for certain that anyone else was an issue was based on how their discussions about other coworkers swayed in directions of negativity.
When Damsel and the mobsters began dropping various hints that the female lead of the male faction seemed to be applying herself less to tasks, taking more breaks, and “flirting” with the males, that’s when I took note that something had obviously changed within the dynamics of the team itself. Although I was already aware of these changes, I didn’t know that Damsel and the woman had a verbal disagreement.
I just knew that one day after returning from a break, there was a thick and heavy cloud of oppression within the workspace. I could only describe it as if a death had occurred, and that’s exactly how I phrased it. “What happened back here? It feels like death?” To which my response was met with an eerie silence. Neither women would look at me, and neither women would talk. Being that it seemed that Damsel was the angriest based on the amount of rigidity I saw form within her body, I knew she’d received a narcissistic injury of some sort.
As it turns out, that was indeed the case. Later, both ladies would confide in me what happen, and of course, Damsel made herself out to be the victim. The side of the story I heard from the female coworker confirmed verbatim what the team lead expressed to me that happened. The female coworker had defended another coworker that Damsel had verbally annihilated with her words, and Damsel fired back at her. Damsel even involved one of the coaches but had explained things in such a way that the coach intervened and settled with following her lead.
Needless to say, this altercation between the two women defined that there were two groups contending against each other, and for a time, the mobsters lacked any real power. They could only whine and complain their sentiments to the team leads, coaches and managers, but they whined enough that they were able to break apart for a while, thereby, keeping the entire team from completing work tasks on time.
It was to the point that the faction led by the woman lessened their presence on the team and were eventually punished by team leads from being on the team for a while. However, without replacements to assist the team, the team was at a loss. This loss made the mobsters appear as victims, even though I knew this wasn’t the true case at all. In the process, I took note of how the woman who led the faction changed in her attitude and overall appearance. Although I didn’t perceive her to be a bully, she had become less friendly to the overall group.
In fact, the female leader of the faction stopped speaking to the team altogether, except when she needed to relay information to me. It placed me in an awkward position, nonetheless, but I pretended not to notice so I wouldn’t have to get involved by being in the middle of the two women. Yet, I found it to be a lot lonelier without this woman around me because she added a balance of peace to an already chaotic team.
After some time of the silent treatment and distance from the team, the woman began assisting the team at various times. She most often assisted the team on the days Damsel was not present. However, on a day when all of the mobsters happened to be absent, I had an opportunity to talk with the woman, and she explained exactly what had occurred. Over time, she’d become less happy working on the team because of all the negative energy.
Although neither of us talked about the cause of that negative energy, our mutual understanding of who was the cause was instinctively known. Damsel was the main issue even though I’d also point out that the flying monkeys are issues too. I was just careful not to say this simply because I don’t know who I can really trust, and I didn’t want it to appear as if I was gossiping. However, the female coworker and I had an honest conversation about the emotionally abusive work environment and how it just wasn’t healthy for anyone.
Out of this conversation came the most amazing compliment I could have received from anyone, and it made me wonder if that was my main purpose for actually being within this particular workspace. The female coworker said that I made it the main reason she could stay on the job because I was always a person of peace. Despite my quirks, she didn’t consider me toxic at all. She liked my work ethic and thought I was a lot of fun to be around, but other than that, the place was entirely too negative and toxic.
According to the female coworker, on the days that Damsel was out of control with anger were the days she’d pull back from participating as much on the team. And I so completely understood her reasoning, and she added that it was the main reason her group avoided assisting the team as well. The vibes were always dark and negative. Plus, the conversations that Damsel and the mobsters had were often inappropriate. There were a few times that coaches would shut conversations down, and I was fortunate to never be around when this happened so that I was not guilty by association.
Nevertheless, I learned that groups aren’t always about bullying others. They are sometimes about protecting and defending themselves from groups who do bully others. These groups might be perceived as negative if they are misunderstood as cliquish. In fact, this was my worry at the time I saw this group forming, but as it turns out, the group was only attempting to stay away from the dramatics of an actually mobbing group. Unlike the mobsters, this faction weren’t going around being mean to others for the sake of control.
My Voice Unchained 