The body snatcher is someone I refer to as an envious person who makes every attempt to embody the being of the person they envy. This person envies their target so much that they study them in an attempt to steal essences of their being – mind, soul, and body.
Within the context of narcissistic situations and connections, I’ve dealt with a body snatcher so frequently, that I find myself simply adding descriptions of their behaviors into my journal for my own personal study in an effort understand them and the trappings of envy.
When I discern signs of envy projected towards me from anyone I’m around, I take a step back and silently observe. I’m careful to take note of behaviors, and my mind seems to automatically classify these people into a designated group.
That grouping is either one of harm or one of good. Since envy can be a motivator to propel someone into doing something inspiring, I don’t always view envy as negative. Yet, when I sense that envy is about destruction, I know that I’m dealing with someone who’s actually dangerous if signs of their danger never materialize against me.
If I discern the person to be an actual narcissist, I always take note of the people they keep around them as flying monkeys. I most often find that the flying monkey associates are plagued with negative envy too. Together, they will gossip and devalue the target(s) of their envy in an effort to build themselves up.
Most often, I’ll find that flying monkeys to the narcissist will display envy by proxy. Whenever the true narcissist or the most dominant narcissist doesn’t want it to be discerned they are envious of me, the lesser one of the flying monkeys will display signs that envy is at work.
From mimicking my mannerisms to stealing terms of expressions I use, I begin to realize how much of an influence I seem to have over the group. Having such an influence doesn’t mean that everyone envies me. It simply means that there’s some type of influence, and the targets admire that influence.
Nevertheless, envy by proxy is something often carried out by the flying monkeys while the narcissist remains silent and seems innocent of any wrongdoing. Most often, it will be the flying monkeys who plague me with their negative behaviors. They are ultimately the instigators who attempt to push me out of my position and ultimately out of the workplace.
If that flying monkey attempts to pull back, it’s often because they realize I’m not the threat that the narcissist as made me out to be and that I’m a genuinely kind person despite obvious quirks. In fact, I’ve seen this a number of times when a mobbing group has attempted to bully me through means of the silent treatment, gaslighting, or stonewalling. I will know who desires to fully participate in these actions against me based on their obvious behaviors and the looks within their eyes.
Someone who seems to not truly want to participate in mobbing behaviors against me, but goes along with the group anyway, will have a look of remorse within their eyes. It’s just something I can see, and I will realize that this needing to belong to a group for acceptance is the person’s weakness. It doesn’t mean I trust them though. It simply means that I realize who the real influence of the group is when it comes to the one in charge.
Needless to say, envy by proxy is a real thing, and it’s annoying to experience. When I take note that the things that I say and do are now being said and done by someone else, I begin to feel as if pieces of me are being ripped away from me on purpose. That’s when I take note that their feelings of envy against me are actually being projected onto me so that it appears that I envy them. This almost always happens in situations of triangulation, and these situations are all orchestrated by the dominant narcissistic individual within the group.
Yet, in actuality, I’m seeing my very own qualities displayed by someone else. I don’t envy them, per say, I’m just in awe of how much of my qualities have been taken over by them in an attempt to anger me and drive me away. They attempt to be “me” while erasing me from their sight. They attempt to display the essence of who I am so that they can get the credit that I deserve for the work. They attempt to embody me by copying all the things that I do and then doing them before I have a chance to do them.
These narcissistic individuals are competitive by nature, and their envy and insecurities drive them to be competitive. While I’m just trying to work, they are competing with me for the work that I do. While I’m just trying to focus on getting a task done, they are busy creating obstacles to keep me from completing tasks so that they alone can take all the credit for work that I’m also a part of too.
It’s all actually so senseless in the grand scheme of the work because it’s a team effort. When there’s no competition, things are good and everything runs smoothly, but whenever there’s more than one of the mobbing crew around (also known as the mobsters), then I’m the one on the outs with them. In fact, they do everything possible to make sure I know that I’m isolated from them while creating circumstances that make it appear that I’m the one causing the problems.
Often times, these body snatchers lead me to question my own sanity. For instance, when I try not to engage with their negative energy, I’m often wondering if I’m the envious one and just don’t want to face it. Yet, when I consider the work I do on a team with others, I know this can’t be the case. Although I don’t want to be left behind in the work or removed from my post, I’m not envious because of what the others do. I’m always seeking to improve myself … to do better than I did the day before.
I don’t consider competition until one or more of the mobster members on the job mentions how much they’ve done as a way to get me to compare, and that’s when I realize they are the ones attempting to create conflict and a sense of unease within me regarding my own abilities. I couldn’t care less otherwise. There are days when I attempt to do the bare minimum just to prove outwardly that I don’t desire to compete, but everything that I do, a body snatcher will do too.
If I pull back on tasks, then one of the flying monkeys of the mobsters will pull back. It’s like there’s a fear that they’re missing out on something based on what I choose to do. It’s weird. I can’t do anything without being monitored by them. They talk about me and my behaviors even when they don’t think I’m paying attention enough to hear them. They sometimes speak in code. They will even roll their eyes at each other when they notice me doing something differently.
Then, the one flying monkey whose presence often annoys me, will fly into place to mimic my actions. It’s quite unnerving to say the least. I’ve even taken a break to find that this flying monkey will follow me for the purpose of monitoring my whereabouts. Once, not having any idea that I was in a restroom stall next to this flying monkey, I could hear them on the phone talking to the leading mobster bully exclaiming, “Let me go so I can see where [my actual name] is at.”
When I walked out of the stall at the same time this flying monkey did, knowing that they were talking to someone about me, they grew immediately silent. The exchange was awkward as I was sure they were hoping I hadn’t heard a thing or knew that I was the one being talked about, but at the same time, I don’t think this flying monkey even cared that I knew.
In fact, I’ve walked up several times hearing hushed conversations about me with this particular flying monkey angrily talking about my whereabouts. My behavior is monitored heavily. My actions are always reported to the leading mobster, Damsel In Distress. Yet, they all seem to think I’m blind to their behaviors against me just because I say nothing about them. Even when I’m on good terms with them, I don’t trust them. They are body snatchers.
Oddly, their outlandish behaviors only occur when the mobsters can group together or when there’s a need for them to communicate when the main mobster, Damsel in Distress, is not at work. When separated individually, they are more likely to work with me in peace if they aren’t angry and committed to stonewalling me out. I usually know I’m being stonewalled if I attempt to make conversation and am faced with their antagonistic responses. Then I’ll just go silent and go inward with my thoughts and say nothing else the rest of the time I’m working.
I seriously don’t like drama, but I’m not afraid to confront situations head on when I’m so bothered by them that the thoughts careen me into making a response. I’m prayerful about this, though, as my need for justice is quite often mistaken for my need to argue. I’m not ever trying to argue, but I do believe is reiterating my point. I won’t allow for blatant disrespect no matter how much some of these toxic behaving coworkers attempt to provoke me.
In fact, in my previous career, I dealt with the same type of behaviors from professional colleagues. They’d only pretend to “befriend” me in the effort to laugh and talk about me at my expense. It was strange that they seemed to hate the very ground that I walked upon but would deem themselves to be supportive of me if I did something that made our particular department shine. They were fairweather colleagues at best but mainly enemies that I knew I needed to be careful around if I wanted to keep myself safe. What’s even worse as that this previous career involved educators!
Provocation
Provocation is actually a body snatcher’s specialty. They live and love to provoke their target(s) to anger or a meltdown. They seek to get a reaction from their target(s) at all cost. This is how I know I’m not the problem because I never attempt to provoke anyone. I simply try to protect myself and my peace, and I just want to be at peace. I don’t want to be involved in drama, but a body snatcher lives for it, and they secretly live for target(s) … to be their target(s) … to embody their target(s).
I often feel I’m being provoked by a person’s need for strong competition. I never want to compete with others. It’s never my intent. I feel like it creates a tension I don’t desire to feel. It creates division. Within a team space, work is done with a common goal in mind and it’s supposed to be done together. Togetherness creates a type of unity, and that’s what I desire when I work with others. I never desire friction, and when I feel it, I shut down and tune those responsible for the friction out of my zone so that I can continue in peace.
It’s difficult to maintain peace when someone is attempting to provoke a reaction from me, but I do my best to maintain professionalism and peace at all times. I never want to react out of character, but if I need to address or confront a person’s negative behavior to save myself from losing my cool and being disrespected, I will. Yet, my first go-to is usually to leave the toxic environment space and take a break so that I can regroup without having a meltdown. A meltdown is never something I want on display because if I lose my cool, I’m liable to say everything I’m thinking, and that’s never a good thing.
In fact, I’d been dealing with a situation where a coworker seemed to be intentionally trying to provoke me to react to her pesky, nuisance behaviors. The behaviors are always passive aggressive in nature and done or said in a way that I would be the only one to witness them. It’s the type of sinister behavior my malignant narcissist mother would always leash upon me, and no one else would be the wiser. If I freaked out, then I was made to look disrespectful.
Thus, losing my cool in such a circumstance with a coworker would paint me as the culprit as if I’m the crazy one or something. So, I make every intention to ignore this coworker’s antics when possible. However, one time, I addressed this volatile but insecure coworker when I attempted to pass by her to get to some materials. I said “excuse me” to which she replied loud enough for me to hear but low enough that others wouldn’t. She said “no” and gave me a smirk.
Based on how triggered I felt, I knew this coworker’s response to me was an intentional reaction. I did not let the behavior slide. Instantaneously, I was puzzled and turned around to them and said, “Wait, what did you say? Did you say no?” Yet, this coworker behaved as if they didn’t hear me and continued to walk in the opposite direction. Be that as it may, though, I could see the prideful posture of this coworker which exuded a type of arrogance I was all too familiar with from previous experiences with other toxic persons.
Again, I wasn’t going to let this coworker’s behavior slide even though I didn’t want an argument, but when this coworker approached my direction again, I looked them in their eyes and asked, “Did you say something you needed me to hear?” They then sheepishly replied “no”, but there was a visible smirk on their face as I walked away. So I knew this coworker was lying about their actions. However, as immediately as I addressed it, I knew the underlying intentions. I was already triggered and attempted to immediately self-regulate myself by stimming myself back on task.
Inside of my head, I replayed the situation, first pondering what I’d done to possibly cause it. Once I realized I wasn’t responsible for the coworker’s negative response, I replayed their behaviors, including their microexpressions, along with the smirk. I knew what was up. I knew the intent, but the replay of it all is how I stim myself back on track. I replayed events to piece them together. In doing so, I calm myself back into peace. I also am able to process the occurrence. Maybe it doesn’t make sense as a reader that I do this, but it definitely makes sense to me.
In the process of calming myself, I happened to look up from what I was doing to see this coworker staring at me. Their glance had softened into a look of fearfulness. I did not see the look of pompous pride that their smirk had cast upon me previously. I believe the coworker knew they’d crossed the line with me. I’m certain they were trying to figure out had they incited me to anger. To be honest, I felt anger with a mixture of other emotions. In fact, I was flabbergasted as the coworker’s behavior seemed to come out of nowhere for no reason.
I didn’t mention this interaction with anyone at first because I was still processing it, but something about the entire situation bothered me and just didn’t add up. Later on, this same coworker came into my work space to ask for my “advice” on how to do something. I genuinely answered and didn’t give her a reaction from the previous situation. I realized that she was attempting to read my behaviors … to see if I were going to react to her meanly or coldly, but I did not. I was careful because I discerned that something else was going on, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
In fact, there was one other coworker around who’d not actually known what had taken place, but when the leading mobster, Damsel, returned from her break, I immediately knew this act had been planned on her behalf. Although I cannot prove it, I know that I know that Damsel in Distress knew what had occurred. There was a weird silence in Damsel’s return that prompted this thought.
Despite trash-talking this particular coworker behind their back for weeks, Damsel and the coworker were now friends along with the flying monkeys. I found this to be wishy-washy to say the least, simply because Damsel made this coworker out to be her number one enemy. Yet, now, everything had changed and all was good. Although people are free to forgive and move on, I never trust this type of behavior with narcissistic individuals. The fruit of their works shows they aren’t very forgiving individuals at all. They hold grudges and they always settle scores.
In fact, this wishy-washy behavior with the coworker and the mobsters is the kind of behavior I never trust with people. It’s fake behavior, and it’s narcissistic in nature. The mobsters knowing that this particular coworker doesn’t like me says a lot about their sticking beside them, and it also says that their being good with me was only a ruse until they re-strategized a different way to get rid of me. This would also explain why I still feel contention with the flying monkeys particularly when Damsel is present.
Nevertheless, I never mentioned anything else about this situation until I talked it over with a former team lead who revealed to me that this coworker’s antagonistic behaviors were exactly how she’d experienced them when working closely with that coworker too. It was the reason that this former team lead no longer wanted to work within the department. The former team lead mentioned that she was the one always reprimanded for calling this coworker out on provoking behaviors while this coworker cried tears and played the victim.
Although I didn’t mention the mobsters in this scenario to the former team lead, I knew that the mobsters were in on it. I just couldn’t prove it. Shortly after that interaction, I decided to document the occurrence along with other documentation and just keep watch. Since then, that coworker hasn’t said anything in a negative manner again and has even behaved as if the situation never occurred. I suppose the intent was to make me appear crazy and as if I had misread the entire situation, but I had not, and this was confirmed by the former team lead who’d had the same situation occur with her.
Furthermore, I couldn’t help but notice Damsel’s behavior and silence after what had occurred, and it was all so eery. I had a knowing that both Damsel and the colleague were in on it together. I just couldn’t prove it. Yet, this type of behavior would occur in more subtle ways with one of the flying monkeys of Damsel whom I’ll refer to as the Sidekick. The sidekick has a presence that I detest being around as much as I detest being around the coworker I called out. There’s something so wickedly off about her, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Every time she’s around with Damsel, the atmosphere is way off and feels demonic.
Needless to say, I believe that the mobsters all realize that the Sidekick’s behavior’s may trigger me the most because she is the one who copies me to no avail. It’s like monkey see, monkey do, and it’s annoying to me. If a team lead mentions what she wants me or another teammate (whom the mobsters have also put on the outs), then Sidekick will immediately fly into place to do the task so that it appears she took initiative over us.
In fact, Sidekick will swoop in to complete my tasks after I’ve gone to break, so that when I return, there’s either nothing for me to do or it’s impossible for me to get to the tasks because Sidekick will also rearrange the tasks in a way that I’m blocked from completing them so that only she and Damsel can complete them. It’s so annoying because I end up getting shafted in the process or having tasks that no one else wanted to complete.
Oddly, on the days that Damsel is not present, Sidekick does not behave in this manner. The only time she might behave snarkily is when she’s in direct communication via phone call or text with Damsel. I usually always know based on how Sidekick communicates with me. If Sidekick freely talks with me, I know there’s no issue, but if Sidekick gives me the silent treatment, I know Damsel has been in her ear. It’s strange, and it’s crazymaking behavior that is exhausting to deal with whenever I work with either of them.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself becoming so outdone with the competitive and one-upping behaviors that I don’t want to return to work even though I know this is the point of the behaviors in the first place. This lets me know that Damsel and the mobsters hadn’t given up at all in their attempts to get rid of me. I can only wonder whether a series of events that occurred leading up to the most recent toxic behaviors against me incited Damsel into a rage, but I don’t know for sure (but more on that in another post).
Essentially, provocation is used to actually deter a target and send them away. The goal is to get rid of the target for good. Despite the fact that I felt that I had reached a place of being on fairly good terms with the mobsters, I’m always aware when their temperaments change towards me. In fact, what they originally felt about me is never changing. They originally tried to get rid of me from the start, and I suppose they only halted their behaviors when they were separated from working together for a while and began going after others. Yet, now, they’re back to me.
Needless to say, I’ve found myself having to discern the difference between envy and a genuine response to toxic behavior. I don’t believe I actually envy any of my coworkers. I do admire the work efforts of some and I do admire the character traits of a few, but I don’t admire anyone to the point of obsession. I don’t want to do any one any harm, and I don’t want to push someone out of their work position either. I simply want to do the job I was hired to do – nothing more and nothing less, unless something within an arena I’d find interesting opens up.
It’s very draining and taxing to put up with such toxic behaviors all the time, and I grow weary of being provoked when I just want to work. Body snatchers just want to take and take and take. They don’t care about their target(s). They exert their energy into simply snatching the best qualities of their targets away from them. It literally feels at times like an invasion. Meanwhile, the leading narcissist, Damsel in Distress, remains silent and watches the carnage from the sidelines as if she doesn’t know that I know she’s very much involved in everything.
The mobsters are all body snatchers. They are destructive beings. I tire of working around them to the point I’ve come to realize why so many other good workers turn to downsizing their work efforts to the bare minimum. I can also see why so many good workers take strategic absences to rid themselves of workplace toxicity for a number of hours. Times of retreating are desperately needed, and I so get it now. In my previous career, I had downtime away from toxic behaving coworkers, but on this particular job, these types of behaviors are constantly in my face.
Being strategic about how to cope has become my overall goal now because I have now taken to using my protected days off but in very calculating ways so that I can limit the amount of time I’m around these toxic coworkers.
Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 