When dealing with workplace abuse, there are varying levels of sabotage one might experience. I’d say I’ve experienced quite a lot as I’m sure you may have too.
In areas of sabotage, I’ve found myself dealing with quite a number of narcissistic individuals hellbent on sabotaging my efforts within the workplace. It’s been frustrating to say the least.
There are several situations that come to mind when I think of sabotaging efforts against me, but one has always bothered me for years after it occurred because I never saw it coming.
I actually admired the person who sabotaged me (as I did so many others too), and I’d even been around this person outside of work at different events. I tried on various occasions to connect with this person, but when nothing panned out, I gave up. I’m never one to force things to click.
Needless to say, however, I was oblivious for a while that we simply were never going to click because this person didn’t want to click. Although they were cordial towards me, they didn’t like me at all, but I didn’t know this.
“Keep My Name Out Of Your Mouth”
This line is very reminiscent of what Will Smith said to Chris Rock, but I’m sure it’s been said many times before by plenty others. As a matter of fact, I told a former colleague this when I felt pushed to my limits about her sabotaging efforts against me.
At the time, I was a math teacher, and I shared one group of students with this colleague, who was an English teacher. Periodically, we would have small chats about the students – their academics and their behaviors. We always kept each other abreast so that we’d be on the same page (so I thought).
I admired this English teacher and thought she was cool. I liked her intellect and sense of style, but oftentimes there was a disconnect within our communication. I always thought it was me and my social awkwardness and manner of explanation about things. I never felt comfortable around her, and I wasn’t sure of the reason, but I passed it off as just me.
Later on, I’d come to find that things were really amiss with this colleague and me, but I didn’t know the reason. It was as if one day we were cool, but then seemingly out of the blue we were not. Her energy had shifted towards me in such a way that from a distance I’d no longer see a smile on her face when she’d see me walking towards her. In fact, I’d see contained microexpressions of disapproval and anger on her face, but I didn’t know the reason.
Even when I began to notice changes within the students this teacher and me shared, the reasons for her seemingly negative behavior towards me didn’t truly register to me. I figured maybe other things were going on with her, but despite that, I was always kind to her. I always spoke to her too.
It was during a math project when I began noticing the most unusual behaviors from students this teacher and I shared. It was not necessarily unusual for students to misbehave, but I’d never had an issue with blatant disrespect from these particular students. In fact, we were already an established class with distinct routines and great camaraderie. So the changes in some behaviors from good to disrespectful was rather alarming to me.
I’d begun to notice students questioning me about the math project I’d assigned in terms of “do you know what your doing” types of attitudes that didn’t make any sense to me. From this group of students (as with all) questions were always welcomed, especially since that was expected with a group of academically and intellectually gifted students. However, the questions and comments that I was being encountered with had more to do with my level of intelligence regarding the facts I presented to the class.
On more than one occasion, I had to take a step back and bite my tongue on matters, but it had gotten to a point where some of the students were disrespectful, mean, and apathetic towards me for no reason that I could even comprehend. I had always had a great camaraderie with the class and had never had any problems of this magnitude before. So I was baffled as to what was happening. A few phone calls to parents of some of the students changed things only slightly.
I’d noticed that once the students came to me from their English class, it would take 10 minutes to calm them down to get into our class routine, and this had never ever been an issue before. It all began during the math project. Other than pure excitement about the project, there was nothing I could think of that would warrant such disrespect. It was a project I’d spent much time putting together to match the varying interests of the students.
At the time, technology use in class was relatively new and not as predominantly used outside of paper and pencil as things are now. So the kids were overjoyed with the change. I was big on technology and did everything I could to incorporate the use into lessons. It was just that finicky little questions kept coming up and evolving into a means of disrespecting my intelligence about practically everything regarding this project.
For instance, I’d told the students for the project (because they were researching and using a lot of data) that they could shorten numerical amounts in the thousands using K as 1,000 as in 16k representing 16,000. This was new information to the students, and they thought it was cool, but then the very next day, a student questioned me and said that “Mrs. So and So (the English teacher) doesn’t think you know what you’re talking about.” I literally had to prove something mathematically to this student that I didn’t think was necessary. My intelligence as a teacher had been called into question by a student who wasn’t even a teenager yet.
At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but it had become more of a common occurrence for the students to question the information I presented, and we’re talking MATH of all things where problem solving could be done a multitude of ways to come to the right answer. Yet, there I was being challenged by students via an English teacher who seemed hellbent on sabotaging my class and bringing a class of students against me. I was confused but also frustrated because a well-thought out project that was supposed to be fun had become a burdensome chore.
It wasn’t long before I received phone calls from a few parents wanting to know what was going on within the classroom. These parents were concerned that their children were returning home with complaints that I was being disrespected for my efforts as a teacher, and I seemed to be defeated and lost. I was stunned, but I also felt a sense of support because the sentiments of these parents proved that I wasn’t crazy or even necessarily alone. Those few students who posed behavior challenges usually disrupted the first 10 minutes of class. I soon recognized that there was a connection with their transition from English class to math class.
In particular, the concerned students relayed that the English teacher seemed to have some type of issue with me, and the kids had started to notice this and how it was affecting me and the class in general. Apparently, the English teacher was constantly mentioning me in class and presenting a narrative based on how she perceived me as a teacher. In her eyes, I wasn’t a good teacher even though she’d not ever set foot in my class to observe me, even though I’d been awarded teacher of the year and had competed at a district level, and even though (up until the point her sabotage began) I’d had great classes of students overall.
To my defense and without my knowledge, evidence of what was going on was gathered by a parent via their child when the child tape recorded conversations the English teacher had with a select number of boys in their class. These were the boys who continuously questioned me in class about what I was teaching and how I was teaching it. They were the ones who came into class with a penchant for causing disruptions for the first 10 minutes. Plus, they’d also stopped completing assignments in class and were more or less becoming more defiant. In some ways, calling their parents had somewhat deterred their behaviors.
Up until that time and prior to knowing about the recording, I had actually had several conversations with the English teacher about the class wondering if she’d noticed any changes. She, of course, hadn’t noticed any problems and mentioned that she would talk to the students who were causing problems. I had no reason to believe that there was any issue with this teacher at all.
However, when a parent contacted me about their evidence on tape about what was going on in English class, I was flabbergasted! It was as if someone had knocked the wind out of me. I hadn’t heard the tape, and I didn’t want to hear it because I didn’t want to believe that a colleague would be bold enough to talk about me to students and involve them in her sabotage against me. I was so stunned that I went home and sat for an hour staring at the mantle on the fireplace attempting to process what I’d heard this parent tell me.
I told the parent that I would handle the situation and apologized for their child and other children being involved in such drama, despite the fact I had no idea beforehand until that moment. What else could I say? I didn’t even know what to do. I don’t even recall praying about what to do because I was so shocked, but the very next day, I asked the principal to meet with me and the English teacher. He agreed, but by the time I’d arrived to the English teacher’s classroom, it was apparent that they’d already had conversation about something, and I sensed that I was on the outs. even though I was the victim of all the disrespect.
The principal seemed to be on his way out the door as I arrived to meet. He smiled at me and said that it seemed like it was an issue between the English teacher and me. I was puzzled, of course, because I’m the one who asked for the meeting in the first place. At that moment, I knew this teacher had just hijacked the meeting for herself and probably flipped the script to make it appear that I’d misread everything or was blowing things out of proportion.
I had no idea, but inside of myself I felt a mixture of feelings such as fury and bewilderment, and when I looked at the English teacher and saw the smirk of condescension on her face, I lost it. I stopped the principal in his tracks and said, “No, wait. You both need to hear what I’m about to say.” I never looked at the principal again until I was finished. I walked right up to the English teacher and calmly but firmly exclaimed, “So, it’s been you all along! I came to you about these students looking for help, and it’s been you all along. You’re the problem.”
The English Teacher: I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about. [talking to me with condescension]
Me: A student recorded a few of your classroom discussions.
The English Teacher: Really? I don’t believe you. Where are these recordings?
Me: A parent has them. That’s how I know they exist. They began recording you because it was noticed that you spent a lot of time talking about me behind my back and not saying nice things about me. Anyway … why are you talking about me to these students? If you have a problem with me, you should address me – not involve students.
The English teacher: [looking at the principal and glancing back at me] I don’t know what you’re talking about. No one’s been talking about you.
Me: As I said, [name of student] recorded you because her parents told her to after she became upset about the things you were saying about me. I’ve been contacted by quite a few parents about this. Four parents … [name of parents]. Why are you discussing me with students?
The English teacher: [silent but staring at me like she could burn a hole into my soul]
Me: This entire time you’ve been sabotaging my efforts to teach. Your actions have created descension within my class. The first ten minutes of every class is chaotic all because of the things you’ve been saying about me and my abilities. I had told you that the first 10 minutes were chaotic and you claimed you had no idea. You lied. It’s all you! Again, I ask, why are you discussing me with these students?
The English Teacher: [still silent]
Principal: It’s obvious we’re getting nowhere. Just let it go.
Me: I’m not talking to you. [never looking at the principal and still staring at the English teacher for an answer] I don’t know what your problem is with me, and at this point I no longer care. Just stop talking about me to these students.
The English Teacher: [still silent but containing a microexpression of rage]
Me: Keep my name out of your mouth to these students! If you can’t, I’ll request that tape from that parent and take it to the school board myself, and I’ll slap a lawsuit on you so fast, you’ll wish you’d dealt with your insecurities before ever crossing me.
I turned looked at the principal in disgust and said, “If you don’t think I will, try me.”
I walked out of the door leaving them both standing there without ever looking back for any reactions. I was done. I was so done, but I felt cool, calm, and collected. Yet, I expected to hear from the principal on the matter and wondered if I’d get a write up for the way I addressed him.
Later on, I saw the principal, but he never brought up that issue with me again. In fact, he behaved as if nothing had ever happened, and that was quite baffling to me. As for the English teacher, I blotted her out of my thoughts. It was odd, but in my heart and mind, she no longer existed even though we shared a class of students. I don’t believe I actually ever spoke to her again.
As a matter of forgiveness, I did forgive her, but because of her actions, she was not a person I ever wanted to deal with again. The level of betrayal I felt when it was revealed to me she was behind the sabotage was mind-blowing. I couldn’t believe she hated me that much that she would stoop to the level of turning our shared group of students against me, and for what? I was blown away, but I was also incredibly hurt and saddened by it all. It took some years to work through this.
I couldn’t think of anything I’d done to this teacher to cause that level of sabotage or any at all for that matter, but when I look back, it was clear she hadn’t liked me at all from the start. It wasn’t until much later that the parent of that child who’d recorded some of this English teacher’s discussions with the students that I came to learn that this teacher didn’t like me.
Mainly, this teacher was irritated by me because the students spent a whole lot of time in her class talking about the math activities we’d do in my class. I think it bothered this teacher so much, that she wanted to make them stop. So because she couldn’t get rid of me, she orchestrated a smear campaign against me, except that the students would smear me by disrespecting my intellectual abilities as a teacher to my face.
This was the ultimate sabotage, and the fact that I confided in her about what was going on most likely gave her the satisfaction she desired regarding a situation she’d created against me. After this situation, I never thought of her in the same way again and never had any desire to speak to her again either. It doesn’t mean that I hated her. It’s just that I had no desire to be around this type of person. Although we’d share groups of students for another year or two, I do not recall having any conversations with her at all. We probably did, but I just don’t recall them which probably means I was dissociated enough that I no longer cared to indulge.
Needless to say, that’s one experience of sabotage within the workplace that took me a long time to work through because it’s effects deeply wounded me, but I’m good now and can only hope that this teacher changed for the better. Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 