The day before I gave my two weeks notice, I could hear faint background voices whispering seeds of doubt that maybe I was making a mistake, but by mid-shift at work, I knew that there was no turning back. I was done. There’d be no rescinding this resignation. My decision was final and resolute. I was ready to leave.
Mainly, the doubts came in the form of fear of the unknown – not knowing whether I’d step into even more toxic territory on the next new job venture. The territory I was stepping out of wasn’t all that bad in terms of the job description, but I was fed up with all the workplace toxicity. That alone made me somewhat dread the job itself. I could no longer deny that the environment was NOT going to change at its core. I had no more wishful thinking.
So I hushed those voices of doubt, and dispelled any fears within my mind and heart. I was, in fact, not going to be better off remaining in such a toxic atmosphere. I felt that both my mental and physical health were even declining, and I no longer felt happy about being on the job just to do what I considered to be easy tasks. I decided that my mission on this particular corporate job was complete, and I had learned just about enough that I could apply elsewhere (if that were indeed the purpose of the job).
By the next day, I encountered the hiring manager twice before handing her my resignation letter. In passing, I considered that over the span of time that I’d been on the job since I rescinded my first resignation seven months to the date prior, this hiring manager had changed in attitude towards me. I don’t know whether I’d been in her love bombing phase for the entire seven months, but she hadn’t so much as uttered or manifested any ugliness towards me. In fact, any time she saw me she’d smile at me. Sometimes I’d even look around to make sure the smile was for me.
Otherwise, I’d taken note that toxic and negative behaviors had manifested within at least two other people in superior positions – an assistant manager and a team lead of another department in which I didn’t work. These two women had become very condescending towards me and even dismissive in their encounters with me. Their behavior was very reminiscent of how the hiring manager would behave towards me before. Yet, as with her, I remained respectful and professional towards them even as they seemed to increase their negativity towards me.
In fact, the more I realized these two women had an issue with me, the more I tended to avoid their path and refuse to engage them with even eye contact if I saw I couldn’t avoid them in passing. For me, some of the women had been a problem within this corporate setting, and it was odd because I was always respectful of other women and would often celebrate them. Yet, the bulk of the women with whom I came into contact within this toxic work setting had mean girl energy. There was a bully mentality they stuck to and they often traveled in packs.
Yet, the one thing I came to learn about myself within this toxic work atmosphere is that I’m not afraid. I’m not going to create issues with others for the sake of having them, but if there is an issue that I feel surfaces to cause me friction, I will address it. I don’t necessarily like confrontation, but I won’t cower in the face of my enemies. I do show initiative, and I do seek solutions to problems. I don’t stand down when I’m seeking justice or even clarity. I’m not afraid even when I’ve felt the strong negative energy of a pack of wolves against me.
At some point, all that negative energy gave way and eventually broke down from what it once was when I was first hired for the position. In fact, the majority of the mean girls that were originally present when I was first hired scattered when one of their bully team leads was fired from her position and another lead was demoted to a lesser position. Over a span of two months, I watched as mainly all the mean girls, once a part of a former mob group ruthlessly led by a very mean team leader, eventually crash out. They crashed so badly they had no choice but to leave the job.
The bulk of the mean girls were either fired or left over whimsical issues. Mainly, they’d lost their leader and scattered in the face of having to be accountable for their leader’s actions and their own actions. They didn’t want to be controlled by others and only wanted to do what they wanted to do. I was glad when the bulk of them left because the air was clear of all their animosity that seemed to make the atmosphere that much more depressive.
Although I was only at this corporation for a little over a year, I watched how the inner workings of workplace toxicity bred and multiplied itself all over the atmosphere. Despite there being many good people, the life seemed to be drained out of most of them because of the hard work, the toxic atmosphere, and the narcissistic abuse cycle that cycled them around into phases of idealization, devaluation, and discard. If for some reason the good employees couldn’t follow through regarding the demands of the company or exist in the realms of the toxic culture without issues, then they were discarded without thought.
Mainly, I felt that there was a lot of HR retaliation against the very good employees for speaking out against an issue or for advocating for themselves. I only felt retaliation via mobbing behaviors by a group of women who seemingly wanted to push me out of my assigned position. Those behaviors consisted of, but were not limited to, harsh sounding tones, the silent treatment, stonewalling, and shunning behaviors, but that was enough.
Some coworkers whom I originally thought highly of were actually in on the mobbing against me, and this was something I discovered via the silent conversations the mobsters always had with each other via hand gestures and eye signals. It was disappointing to say the least, and I couldn’t trust anyone. Their behaviors were so erratic towards me that I didn’t know from one day to the next if anyone on the team was going to engage with me at all when it came to the work. More than awkward, it was a daunting feeling knowing that I was working on a team with people who hated my existence.
Mainly, some coworkers will go along with mob behaviors to get along on the job themselves. Just so long as they aren’t targets, then they don’t have a problem with anyone else being a target. Sadly, many of those who joined in on the targeting against me had issues with me that I hadn’t easily recognized in the beginning, but the more I paid attention to remarks I realized were catty and sarcastic in tone regarding almost anything to do with me, I realized what I was dealing with in terms of workplace insecurity, envy, jealousy, and malicious intent.
Unfortunately, I’d been through similar types of mobbing before on other jobs and even in more professional careers. So it was nothing new, but this time around, I paid more attention and kept myself from engaging in much of the madness. I really tried hard to listen to the discernment that caused me to pause when it felt like a coworker was seeking to destroy my inner peace. I also stopped giving anyone the benefit of doubt just because I wanted to believe in their potential to be a good person. I was no longer as trusting of what I was told on the surface. I always tried to look deeper.
Basically, I learned to take my coworkers for what they presented to me and what I discerned about them too. I accepted the fact that whatever I was being shown about a person was basically who they were as a person. Anything someone tried to hide in plain sight always gave me pause to consider their true self. I watched the fruit the person gave forth based on their actions. Although I listened to a lot what they said, I mainly watched their behaviors and patterns to make my assessments about them.
Additionally, I blatantly refused to cave in to any plans the mobsters on this job had for me, whether it was them wanting me to eat their food, them wanting to invite me to outside events, or them telling me information that wasn’t relevant to the work tasks because they wanted to see me fail. I didn’t trust them one bit, and I particularly didn’t trust their charms which they always attempted to turn on as if they truly cared about me. After realizing their true patterns, I knew they were only attempting to extract information about me that they could use against me.
Needless to say, there wasn’t one doubt I had when I finally gave the hiring manager my resignation letter. When I handed it to her, I could tell she knew it was my letter of resignation without a verbal response to me. Anything further wasn’t up for a matter of discussion, and interestingly, the hiring manager even stopped herself when she asked me “why?”.
Despite the fact that I’d acquired what coworkers termed as the good things about the job such as protected time off regarding sick days and holidays, I didn’t care. The toxicity within this place was so overbearing I came to realize why it was important to have that time off. It’s unfortunate that I was often too sick to enjoy them.
Nevertheless, giving my two weeks notice was one of the best feelings I’ve had in a long time. The more peace I can enjoy away from a toxic work environment, the better!
My Voice Unchained 