In a previous post I detailed how an unnecessarily aggressive encounter with a coworker triggered me to remember an occurrence from my past. In my early 20s, I was randomly assaulted (slapped and punched) by a total stranger inside of a convenience store. I had done nothing at all to provoke this stranger. I was simply minding my business while trying to purchase a soda.
As a result of the physical assault, I experienced a common trauma response called tonic immobility, where the nervous system reacts to perceived danger by shutting down verbal or physical responses. Tonic immobility refers to a state of complete paralysis or immobility that occurs as a last resort defense mechanism when faced with an extreme threat, usually when fight or flight options are not viable, whereas the “freeze response” can encompass a broader state of immobilization that may occur earlier in the threat response, potentially involving some level of alertness and readiness to act.
In the present, I experienced the same response when a coworker began spewing comments my way in an aggressive tone and manner. Although the coworker never touched me, he’d made comments that seemed passive aggressive in nature enough to where I felt unsafe. Out of the corner of my eyes (since I didn’t want to directly look at him to give the impression that I was interacting with him), I noted the aggressiveness within his body language. I didn’t feel safe at all, and I’d done absolutely nothing to provoke his negative comments towards me.
Why This Triggered Me:
- A Past Trauma Was Reawakened – My coworker’s unsolicited, aggressive remarks mirrored the random, unprovoked cruelty I experienced in my early 20s. My body remembered that moment of powerlessness, and I froze as a defense mechanism.
- The Coworker’s Behavior Was Uncalled For – Even if the coworker wasn’t physically aggressive, his words and tone carried hostility, making me feel targeted and unsafe.
- The Lack of Justification Was Baffling – Like the man in the convenience store, this coworker had no real reason to single me out. This unpredictability made the situation even more disturbing. Just like he was doing his job, I was doing my job.
- It Tapped Into a Fear of Being a Target – I was simply minding my business, yet someone chose to direct negativity at me. That sense of unfairness and confusion compounded the distress.
I Handled It Well:
- I didn’t engage – By staying silent, I didn’t feed into whatever reaction the coworker was looking for.
- I removed myself from the situation – Instead of escalating, I left the aisle and processed my emotions privately.
- I confided in someone – Even though I didn’t report it formally, sharing my frustration with another coworker helped validate my feelings.
Moving Forward:
Since I’d already given my two-week notice on this job, the best thing I knew to do was to focus on my exit and not let the coworker’s behavior linger in my mind longer than necessary. However, I did decide that if this coworker continued to bother me, I’d have every right to stand my ground — whether that meant shutting him down with direct words or reporting it.
Additionally, to get through that feeling of tonic immobility, I’ve read that it helps to do some grounding exercises (like deep breathing, affirmations, or journaling) to process the old trauma this situation brought up. After the fact, I did journal about this incident so that I could process all of my feelings within that moment. I also went back to the old trauma and compared how what I was feeling then was the same as what I was feeling in that moment with the coworker.
I realized that my reaction reaction wasn’t weakness; it was a protective response my body learned from past harm. It was the same protective response my body had learned when I was sexually assaulted as a child. I couldn’t fight back because my body protected me by freezing up. Freezing up allowed me to go to a safer place within the recesses of my mind since I couldn’t easily run to safety in that moment of reality.
Now, as an adult with greater awareness, I have more power to choose how I respond moving forward. I can only believe this means there is more inner healing to come. 💙
My Voice Unchained 