I haven’t been on my new job very long, but I’m mentally drained. I’m not quite sure how that’s possible considering I’ve done nothing that would require that I’m mentally drained at all. Yet, it’s a far difference from being physically drained like I was from the last job. So I can say my body feels relieved that it’s not walking 25,000 steps in a day, lifting heavy objects, or overextending itself to the point that sleep is not enough to cure what ails me.
On the flip side though, my mind has lacked the stimulation it expected and desired from this new job. It’s like I had yet to grow into my position because I didn’t get any true training. It’s one thing to be thrown into a job and just begin to do, but to be honest, I was barely trained on the last job I left either. I had to actually beg to get some training because it seemed that the team leads didn’t want me to actually work.
I feel the same way with this job too. It makes me wonder why are these people dragging their feet. Is it because they don’t really know what their job entails either? It’s like, what’s the point? Why am I here? What’s the plan for me? Why was I hired? Why am I not actually working? Sure, I’m getting paid, but I actually like utilizing my skills – not just hanging around and doing nothing, and I don’t think reading through hours of company policy is the best way to utilize my time either if that’s the only thing I’m going to do for the day. What about some variety? Why must I want to go to work to waste my time? That bores me.
So currently, I’m mentally drained because the current job simply isn’t giving what I expected it to give based on the description I was actually given by those who hired me. In fact, neither of those people are around too often or even visible long enough to affect anything or anyone from my vantage point, but I do know a lot of work occurs behind the scenes. Yet, I don’t really know how the company is changing lives as it states it does when the new hires do nothing that gets them on the ground ready to work without proper training.
I went an entire week without any training whatsoever and when I thought I was in the process of being trained, the trainer talked so much that I was certain that the overtalking was to keep me from asking questions since the training was so inadequate. Maybe I need to stick around a little longer? I know it hasn’t been that long, but I feel my patience has already worn thin. When I ask questions, I get vague responses, and I detest indirectness. It’s as if something is being hidden and even if there’s no knowledge, I’d still prefer directness regarding this than being kept in the dark.
Even worse is asking questions of someone who talks incessantly to the point that I become exasperated and outdone that I no longer care about asking questions any longer. I’d just rather figure stuff out on my own. I’ve already noted and journaled several red flags regarding what this company claims to do but hasn’t delivered since I’ve been there. It makes me wonder if this is just another round of workplace toxicity that I’m learning about when I’d simply prefer to work in peace. It’s not even the actual people for me for now. It’s just the way the company does things. I honestly don’t believe the company has equipped people to handle new hires the proper way. It’s as if they are short-staffed of the people they need to assist.
If it were just enough for me to get a paycheck and be done, then I wouldn’t care, but I do care. If a company’s mission is about helping others, but I can’t see that or experience that, then that’s a problem for me. I do have a moral compass, and I think it points in a morally sound direction. So far, all I’ve done is basically drive myself to the job site and home, and that’s taken it’s own toll. I’ve done very little else, except navigate myself around to some good restaurants for lunch. Although I wouldn’t trade my current work situation for the toxic job that I left, I realize that this is truly not going to last for me if I don’t see some results soon.
More to come as I hope to adjust.
My Voice Unchained 