The Jabbin’ Super

It certainly didn’t take long before the jabs came at me from almost nowhere. Yet, because I was paying attention from the start, what I thought was a subtle probe eventually turned into a subtle jab and then became more jabs on top of more jabs to come. This made me take out my journal tools to record as much as I possibly could – not necessarily to lodge a formal complaint, but more so to make sure I wasn’t going crazy from the gaslighting.

The Interview

On the day of my interview for my newest job, the hiring supervisor, whom I’ll refer to as the Jabbin’ Super, made it a point to talk about her educational background after she asked me about my own. I only thought this was odd because the interview questions were for me. Although I don’t think it’s abnormal for the interviewers to introduce themselves, I did found it odd for her to go on and on about herself right after asking me a few questions.

Jabbin’ Super and the other interviewer present had formerly introduced themselves and stated their positions within the company. Then they went on to tell me about the company. From there, they went to beginning the interview. So, I did think it was odd that the interview would be hijacked and taken over by a need to fill me in on her background, but I let it be since I was attempting to secure a job.

I had no choice but to open up about my past career since the Jabbin’ Super and the other interviewer asked me about my background – education, previous work experience, etc. I didn’t get very far into talking about my previous career before Jabbin’ Super interrupted me to tell me about the detour her life took before going into the career she settled upon in the present.

It was an intriguing story, but I felt the subtleties of provocation for some reason. I chalked it up to this supervisor wanting to find commonalities with me, and in some way, it sounded as if she were trying to prove to herself that she hadn’t detoured from her original path. After all, it was a point of keeping the conversation going within the interview. So I figured, “okay”.

I’m not one for building upon a story unless it makes sense for me to do so. I never feel the need to elaborate an answer to a question unless I’m asked to do so. Usually, the response I give is blunt and to the point. So when I was asked about my background, I simply answered the question and gave nothing more, but before I could even finish the details of all of the areas of work I’d completed, I was interrupted from my complete thoughts.

I never actually finished or had an opportunity to elaborate on the rest of my resume and how I’d be an asset to the company that wished to hire me. In fact, I thought the interview was a bust. I’m not big on words at all when it comes to interviews. I am slow to process, and therefore, slow to get my thoughts across to others unless I’ve been allowed some time to think. I even have to fight very hard not to go into a phase of mutism because of the easy ability I have to simply go blank and not have words.

For the most part, I felt like I rambled on, absolutely making no sense at all, and didn’t make much of a sell for myself to be employed by this company – not to mention I was battling and trying to recover from the flu. I was so thankful that the interview was virtual because I would have definitely failed in person. I would have definitely gone blank within a natural setting. At least I was within the comforts of my home and not actually having to personally interact with anyone.

I Got the Job, BUT…!

Nonetheless, it was a surprise to me when I was called three days later for an acceptance of the job. I thought there must have been some mistake. I’d put in nearly 500 plus applications over the past three years looking for a job to fit my personality, and I’d only yielded two interviews – one where I was ghosted and this one. I figured that maybe this company was desperate or something else was wrong. When I looked the company up based on it’s reviews, there was a mixture of both the good and the bad.

Since my previous job was weighing me down with its toxicity, I decided to cut my losses there and try someplace new. Looking back, I had to have been desperate myself since I gave up a year’s worth of paid time off that I had already scattered out for the year. I indeed wanted out to have been willing to start the system of things all over. So that’s what I did. I accepted the position.

Needless to say, I was looking for peace, but I was sure that because toxicity exists in different facets and within certain circumstances, I knew I wasn’t going to completely get away from it, but I did have hope. So here I am again finding myself facing another formidable foe through no doings of my own, except for the fact I’m just being me. Yet, within this space, I’ve questioned myself and God multiple times on why it seems that I annoy people so much with my presence.

For the most part, I thought things were going well aside from a few red flags that rubbed me the wrong way, but I was willing to grow in patience. From the change up of venues for orientation that first consisted of driving to my regular job site only 20 minutes away to driving to another job site nearly an hour away to the adding on of four additional days of orientation making my round trip 10 hours long, I didn’t know what could be worse.

Yet, the fact that I’d arrive home not physically depleted as I did from the last job was a sign that I could deal with this a bit longer until I couldn’t. So I bit down on the situation and held on until I realized I had encountered a familiar spirit that was even more subtle than the ones I dealt with within the previous toxic workplace. That familiar spirit was passive aggressive in nature and loved to make digs in very condescending ways.

Jabbin’ Super likes to make jabs and digs, but she does it so subtly that no one has noticed but me. The jabs are so subtle that that I originally missed them as jabs because they left me so confused at first. I was left to question, “Was that what I thought it was?” Only to answer myself with an affirmative, “Now you do know what this is!” Yes, I knew. I had spotted the subtleties of jabs arising against me since the interview. However, I didn’t think they’d come as quickly as they have within succession of each other.

Jabbin’ Super wasted no time attempting to devalue me by diminishing my achievements. Since I’ve shared nothing else about myself, her main attack has been against my previous career. She always makes it a point to talk about how she almost went into my previous career until she realized she needed to make more money. I could have simply bypassed this comment as it’s no secret to anyone that many educators don’t make lots of money, but it was the way in which she said it that caused me to pause.

There was a jab to the comment … an arrogance that I knew all too well from others who’d jabbed me before. Jabbin’ Super then went on to say how the path she chose didn’t make her any less of an educator because she still gets to work with youth and teach others. Mind you, I’d never said a word about anything. I’d never made mention regarding anything about her career or her career choices. Yet, she felt the need to release all this. It would have not caught my attention at all if there hadn’t been an air of superiority within her voice towards me.

The first two times, I was confused as to what I was hearing until a still small voice within me said, “You know what this is. You know what she’s doing.” Instead of feeling the impact of her words, I just listened, and made a mental note that I probably needed to pay more attention to her actions and words towards me in the future. I later added to the log I began keeping after noticing other red flags about the organization. The only solace was that her actions and many of the red flags I saw were not as overt as my previous place of employment.

After a few days, Jabbin’ Super wasn’t around, and I felt so much peace. Yet that peace was short-lived when I found I had to deal with contention coming in my direction from another coworker. The coworker was kind to me at first and even very helpful, but I was glad that I wouldn’t have to work with her long-term because she was quite talkative. I could literally feel my social battery go on decline every time I had to listen to her.

Since that time away from Jabbin’ Super, I came to a realization that she had been doing things to get under my skin from the start. This is taking a long shot, but I discerned that the change in location for orientation was made to see if I would flake out on the job. I have no doubt she heard about the comment I made about the distance for travel from one job site to another and how the pay didn’t seem to compensate for this. This was a comment I’d made to the human resource person and another person at the original job site.

So, I’m almost certain that immediate change was made to somewhat make me eat my words. Then, that one day of orientation became five days, and that change wasn’t made until the day I arrived for the first day of orientation. So, of course, I was shocked and bothered as it was a strain and inconvenience. For a company that is meant to serve the community and help those in need, it was somewhat oxymoronic to place a financial strain on a newcomer to the job by causing them to travel to an orientation two hours away round trip for five days when the original destination for orientation was already at the site of job placement (which the human resource person didn’t realized she’d confirmed to me).

In addition, the subtle jabs and remarks that were intended to be digs to my core seemed to increase the more Jabbin’ Super was around me. It was to the point that when our eyes met, I knew for certain what and who I was dealing with, and I had to turn myself off and detach so that I wouldn’t join in on the battle she seemed to be perpetuating against me. It was obvious she wanted to subdue me for whatever reason. I’m new and in training and don’t know a thing about the job. All the training was crammed into a six hour presentation that left me zoned out after realizing that this was perhaps a set up that I couldn’t win.

After asking my usual clarifying questions because I’m always trying to make sure I understand, I believe Jabbin’ Super was offended and intrigued that I would dare have any wonder or thoughts outside of the current job position. She made sure to further diminish my abilities and knowledge about things that I’m quite adept at because of years of experience. She attempted to make it appear to the other new hires that I really didn’t have a clue, but I never joined in with her fury and games. I just didn’t want to tussle. It just didn’t make sense to me to even do so.

Yet, at some point, I found myself pissed off to the highest of pissivities because I realized that I had been once again targeted for bull. It was at that point that I felt a keen sadness deep within me and a desire to just cave my shoulders into a folding position and cry, but I held my composure together and remained silent. It was from that point that I detached and kept my stares away from Jabbin’ Super’s eyes all while questioning if I was the one who had a problem with her, even when I already knew what I’d discerned from her.

It was odd. It was like I was watching a demon take delight in knowing it had triggered me. There was something within Jabbin’ Super’s eyes that appeared so familiar to me that I no longer wanted to stare into them … that I knew I might blow a fuse knowing what was silently lashing out before me. ‘It’ wanted me to react, but because I decided to look away and keep my gaze away, ‘it’ couldn’t play games with me.

Then my mind trailed back to how Jabbin’ Super had talked earlier within the day about her time at church the previous day. It was a conversation she was having with someone else, and I wasn’t privy to it except for what she spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. It was then that my mind made a mental note that she wanted me to hear about her church dealings for some reason. I knew this game all too well, and I wasn’t going for it. That type of wool can no longer be pulled over my eyes any longer.

Later on, I realized that Jabbin’ Super had face value to maintain, but she has two faces. There was a face to be seen on the surface that would remain on at all times – charismatic, outgoing, and loving, while there was face underneath the surface that was probably only seen by her targets – sneering, devious, and sarcastic. I don’t know who any other targets are or were, but I knew who favorites were in that moment, and I knew immediately who I might be triangulated against. Yet, I’m not one for playing games. So I immediately took myself out of any playing field and remained silent.

So basically, I’ve summed up that I probably won’t grow within this job and move forward because of what I’m already having to encounter, and it was only into the second week. As I said before, there was a sadness that sank into my being. It was like, “Here we go again. When does it end?” I just couldn’t fathom that I was in another toxic type of environment, but something was very different about it. It didn’t have the same vibe as the previous toxic work environment, and I had to frequently remind myself that it was just the site for orientation. I had not even been to my actual assigned job site.

Just as there were nice people in my previous workplace, there were very nice people within this workplace too, but they were more in the background than foreground because it was not my normal working environment. I hadn’t even met my actual coworkers. So I didn’t really know what to think, and I didn’t want to jump to any assumptions. I wanted to maintain the hope that things could get better, and since Jabbin’ Super was a traveling supervisor, I had high hopes that I wouldn’t have to encounter her that often.

To be honest, I suppose being one to ask so many questions might have sounded an alarm for Jabbin’ Super. Yet, I don’t ask questions to actually be a pain in someone’s backside. I ask questions to understand, and I take notes to reiterate the points I need to understand. However, sometimes, I think my questions bother those who aren’t so secure within themselves or those who don’t understand the need for so many questions.

Another supervisor sat in on the training too, and she didn’t seem to be at all bothered by my questions. She willingly answered every single one of them and elaborated when I needed more information. Even when I asked about two positions that were vacant and what those positions entailed, she didn’t bat an eye and went on to explain just what criteria would be needed if one wanted to apply.

Yet, Jabbin’ Super was set off by my questions. Later on, it dawned on me that my line of questioning probably solidified that I was a threat because I was enquiring about a position different than the one I’d been hired for, and the other positions hadn’t even been advertised. Plus, I was overqualified for the position I was hired for in the first place, and I think this set Jabbin’ Super off. Yet, I only asked about the positions to understand their relation to my position and how everything all worked together. For me, I have to understand the bigger picture.

Needless to say, I have to decide if I want to tone myself down or simply detach and go through this job without making any connections. I also have to decide that if I remain just how much I plan to interact with such a malicious behaving supervisor. For the most part, I couldn’t wait for the week of orientation to be over so that I could move on to my assigned job site. I was in store to find out a lot more, and Jabbin’ Super wasn’t going to make life on the this new job easy for me.

Stay tuned for more to this unfolding story …