After more than a week of trainings to finally do the job I applied for, I still didn’t get to do my actual job. I had more training! I was about to lose it, but fortunately, I felt that I’d found my niche within a place that feels like close to home.
I’d not done much but complete required trainings via computer, but it mainly felt like I was doing absolutely nothing but wasting time. Although I could see the benefits of the trainings as they were necessary to understand facets of my job, learning how to do my job is physically necessary too. I just didn’t understand why the supervisor was dragging her feet with me.
I went a few days without having any contact with the supervisor, and since it seemed that I’d already unnerved her in some way, I decided I would not be so open to reaching out to her. It was apparent based on the few interactions that I’d had with her that she preferred to play passive aggressive games with me by attempting to humble me beneath her. This was not a game I wanted to play.
Although I found it oddly strange for this supervisor to take immediate offense to my presence, I took a step back, observed her behaviors, and gained clues that therein awaited her insecurities against me. I didn’t need nor want the projection. So I took some steps back and decided to let her do her thing without me needing to seek clarification for anything even though I really wanted to get started with work.
I figured, if I’m going to be trained, it would happen one way or the other or I’d simply need to look for a new job. Needless to say, the center director for the location I was assigned to was just as eager as I was for me to get started, but we were both being held at bay. So, I simply settled into my cubicle and pined away through a series of lessons that seemed designed to keep me underneath the relics of complete and utter boredom for days to come.
A few times, I would get up to walk around a bit because of being so stationary, and other times I’d fight off sleep. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for the contentment I felt during the days of being within this particular location as a working environment. I absolutely loved it. Though there was busyness amongst my coworkers, there were also glorious times of solitude and relaxation.
The overall vibe of the environment was peaceful and calm. There was absolutely no drama, and that has made a huge difference in how I face the day for work. It’s the contentment that my life has been missing. For a little close to a year and a half, I juggled feelings of fatigue, anguish, anxiety, and trepidation as I woke up each day to face a day of workplace toxicity within a Job I’d finally had enough of and decided to exit.
Although I am contracted through a company to work within this particular new job location, it’s the best location for my personality. I seem to be working among other introverts and possible neurodivergents, and I have absolutely enjoyed getting to know them through their work habits and professionalism. I also love the center director. Although we had an awkward first start, I look back and realize that maybe a lot of the awkwardness came with a bit of triangulation.
Let me explain …
Since I work for a company who does contract work for this particular location, I’m just one of many people who come through to work. For the most part, people within my position don’t stay very long, and without necessarily saying much of anything, the center director hinted around with many responses to the questions I realized I could answer myself and had pretty much already answered from the start.
The contract company is very disorganized and not very helpful when it comes to training. When I went back to read reviews from former employees, I could see how much the reviews aligned with some of my present experiences … disorganization, lack of proper training, and other issues one will find in toxic work environments. In fact, I was deeply saddened to feel that angst within me when I discerned that the supervisor already took issue with me based on her own issues of projection.
So I was more than grateful to be granted a time of distance from this supervisor. Even if that time of distance meant me not being trained for a bit, I was okay to have some distance from a supervisor who was showing a side of passive-aggressiveness I was not interested in having to manage for myself. For the most part, the lack of communication from her was deafening once I reached my workplace destination. She only seemed to want to communicate with the center director and have the center director deliver messages to me.
For a bit, this communication was fine as I tried to settle in and adjust to my surroundings. This time of distance from toxicity gave me a change to get to know the workings within the environment. It also gave me a chance to observe my coworkers and how they operate within the environment. Although I will note there are imperfections and issues that I’ve noticed, the coworkers are relatively a good group of people, and I think it helps me that it’s a small group of people too.
So, in the absence of training for my position, I decided to take that time of distance and silent treatment from the supervisor as a time to focus on the solitude that I haven’t experienced in a very long time when it comes to a work environment. What began as a disappointment turned out to be pure contentment for me, and to say that I’m elated is an understatement. There is an advantage to being in an office space that still has some privacy for me as I continue to navigate through the changes within an entirely different line of work.
Stay tuned for more as this part of my journey unfolds.
My Voice Unchained 