The biggest red flag I had the day back at work from a weekend off was that there wasn’t just one interaction that led me to my conclusion that something had shifted within the work environment, there was actually a collective shift in energy from multiple people at work. Outside of Negative Nag’s behavior, I’d noticed that the behaviors of others changed towards me as well.
I’d taken note upon arrival that something within the atmosphere was different even though the morning started off fine. The weekend had been a good one for me, and I’d gained much clarity about the direction I wanted to take in terms of my connections at this job (or lack thereof). To be honest, I wasn’t aiming to make connections. Instead, I was attempting to slow down because I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was already off. In fact, my discernment was already zoning in on the behaviors of Negative Nag and her friend. I just couldn’t figure out the reason.
Despite me feeling that I’d found my niche among other neurodivergents, there was still a lot going on that sparked my curiosity about what might be hidden behind the scenes. First off, I was still in training somewhat. I’d gone weeks on the job without any formal training because the supervisor I refer to as Jabbin’ Super had been withholding training from me. I couldn’t effectively start my position because I didn’t know how to do it, and the center directors didn’t want to overstep boundaries since they didn’t technically hire me.
Second, I’d discerned that there was something off about a coworker I refer to as Negative Nag. I gave her this reference since she’s always so negative about everything – her life, the job, the coworkers, and even her friend who also works at the job. She’s never got anything positive to say, and even if there is positivity, she’ll always dampen it with a splash of negativity. It’s self-deprecating, and I found myself backtracking my steps towards her as a safe person. In fact, I found myself not wanting to be around her at all even though she “seemed” nice to me.
Needless to say, the day back from the weekend began as normal with me shadowing the coworkers. It was just that I couldn’t shake that something was really off in the atmosphere. There was that feeling I had that there was an uprising of something I didn’t really know about beforehand as if there’d been a collective discussion behind the scenes behind my back. The last time I recall this happening was at the previous job that I’d left when I was faced with the task of silently fighting off a group I called the mobsters. That feeling of an uprising back then was them literally trying to force me out of my position and out of the workplace.
Negative Nag
Negative Nag was rather subdued the entire morning to the point that she was almost too calm. I don’t know why, but I sensed that she was giving me the silent treatment. Even her body language towards me was closed off. In particular, the normal chatter that had been coming in my direction from one of the center directors prior to this day seemed rather chill as well. In fact, the center director pulled back on training me to and had set me back to simply observing tasks again. I didn’t directly question it though. I took it all in stride. I figured that maybe she didn’t think I could handle even what I perceived to be simple tasks.
The other thing that seemed off was the back-and-forth between Negative Nag, Negative Nag’s friend, and the center director. There was a lot of whispering going on, and although I didn’t waste my time attempting to eavesdrop on the conversations, something was really off with their vibes towards me. Their vibes were projected outwardly towards me, and it made me feel a similar feeling I felt when the mobsters would talk amongst themselves at the job that I left. The only thing I could think of in that moment was that there might have been discussion about my neurodivergence.
Although the center director may not have quite understood my explanations regarding my need and desire to have direct instructions on how to do the job I was hired to do, Negative Nag and her friend understood well. In fact, the friend of Negative Nag (who has an autistic child and spouse) and two other coworkers (who appear to have attention-hyperactivity-deficit-disorder (ADHD)) are neurodivergent. According to Negative Nag, she believes she is as well. So, I instantly felt in good company. In fact, I felt like I fit right into the environment and hoped that I could relax more into myself without having to mask m autistic behaviors.
However, the energy shift made me instantly realize that my neurodivergence had been weaponized against me regarding my ability to do menial tasks. When the center director pulled back on allowing me to do anything, outside of stapling packets together, I knew something was wrong. I reasoned within myself that perhaps ignorance about neurodivergence led the center director (and the rest) to believe that I was “dumb” in some way and couldn’t handle even the most simplest directions. All I could do was kick myself for ever sharing with Negative Nag (prior to realizing who she really was) that I sometimes have problems with communicating my thoughts as clearly as they come to me.
Later on, when it was my turn to shadow Negative Nag, she immediately brought up how it appeared that my tasks had been curbed back. She said it in a way that would indicate that I should have a response, but I simply looked at her feeling the tug of her words. Something was up, but I didn’t easily or readily take the bait. I simply shrugged my shoulders and said, “It’s whatever. I’m still getting paid.” The center director wasn’t around when Negative Nag covertly discussed the pull back on my training. I thought there was purpose in this.
I knew that Negative Nag would most likely share any response I gave with the center director. So I simply said, “I don’t know, but it’s cool. I’ll do whatever.” Then she responded with, “But you really aren’t doing anything.” Although she waited for my response, I shifted myself away from the conversation. However, it was true. The first few weeks, I’d done absolutely nothing but complete onboarding activities. When I wasn’t belaboring through learning lessons, I was sitting in silence and boredom. I did a lot of fighting off sleep because I was so bored that I had come to a point of job searching for something else. Yet, I’d soon have my hands filled with a task that would have both Negative Nag and the center director taken aback.
Then God Stepped In
After the center became busy with an influx of people to help, I was no longer doing “nothing”. I was actively in a mode of work and felt as if I was really accomplishing an aspect of the job I felt I was going to enjoy. At some point, I took note in the fact that I was being heavily watched, and the reactions to my accomplishments of a great task confirmed to me that there’d indeed been discussions about me behind my back. I saw the task as God’s way of shutting everyone down and giving the center director a change of heart. I didn’t know if this meant the center directors understood neurodivergence (even though they gave off hints of neurodivergence themselves). It was then that I realized that Negative Nag must have said something that had caused a halt to my training.
When I think about it, there was a coldness within the atmosphere that felt like chilled ice. I couldn’t shake the feeling. In fact, there was such an ominous, dark cloud that had descended upon the atmosphere making it feel oppressive. I didn’t feel negative energy coming from the other neurodivergent coworkers at all though. In fact, they seemed oblivious to what may have been going on. Yet, the center director, Negative Nag, and Negative Nag’s friend were all abuzz with discussion as I attended to the task I had at hand. It was an enormous task that none of them even considered the methods for helping the individual, but because of my previous experiences, my patience, and empathy, I was the only one qualified who could provide the help needed at the time.
The Subtle Shift
Overall, all I could think was that Negative Nag had begun planting seeds of dissension against me in an effort to discredit me, but God had shown up and shut it all down. In essence, it was an early-stage smear campaign. She had planted seeds, and those planted seeds presented subtle influences on the people who mattered in my advancement on the job. It was already obvious to me that Negative Nag had a relationship with one of the center supervisors, but since I’d arrived on the scene, she seemed to have tightened her grip. In fact, I knew that aligning herself with someone with power was the only way she was going to be able to remain as powerful as she believed herself to be.
Within this subtle shift, the mini-mob was already aligning itself against me. Negative Nage targeted on of the other neurodivergent coworkers to be a part of her flying monkey team, and right on the spot, the mini-mob was formed to include – Negative Nag, her friend, a coworker deemed as a “space cadet” by one of the center directors, and unassumingly one of the center directors because of her close connection with Negative Nag. Of course, I don’t know any of these people personally or their motives, but I know the fruit I see of the trees they bear, and it’s not for my good at all.
I pegged the narcissist of the group even before I was officially a part of the company dynamics … right when I was introduced to the center. I recognized my oponent even then. It was more than about the personality disorder regarding the person and more about what was going on within the spiritual realm. “It” recognized me immediately, and because I’d just recently walked out of toxicity, I recognized “it” too.
The truth of the matter is though, I don’t know that Negative Nag is a narcissist, but if not a narcissist, why narcissist-shaped? (I have to find the humor in this!) Needless to say, the power struggle has only just begun. Despite all that, my armor is on because, from experience, I know this power struggle is more than about narcissistic personality disorder. It’s more about spiritual warfare, and my armor is on for my protection. I prayerfully cannot go into this place or any other place that has toxic ground without it.
Thus, that subtle shift I felt that changed the honeymoon period I felt in terms of this new workplace was a cue for me to step into the ring. The fight has begun, and even though I don’t want to fight and don’t want war with anyone, I know I sometimes must war simply to stand my ground and not be moved by the games these types of individuals play. Nonetheless, I’m armored up and ready. (Ephesians 6)
Stay tuned for what unfolds …
My Voice Unchained 