In April 2017, one year after Prince’s death, I decided to plan a solo road trip to Paisley Park. There was an internal need for me to gain closure, and I was overwhelmed by this need to so. I didn’t know it then, but so much about my past dissociation from trauma was about to come together for my healing, and I needed this trip to not only solidify this, but I needed closure to Prince’s death.
Prince’s music was not only a source of comfort for me in the aftermath of a childhood sexual assault I endured, but his music was also a catalyst for my healing journey. Looking back during that time, it now makes so much sense that his passing and my visit to Paisley Park, would mark the beginning of a deep transformation for me. I just didn’t know it at the time.
On the first anniversary of Prince’s death, I had the idea that if I visited the home of Prince’s studio in Chanhassen, Minnesota, then I might be able to process a lot of my grief. It wasn’t as if my life hadn’t moved forward because it had, but I was still saddened by his death. I missed him tremendously and oddly felt the absence of his presence. I was also unable to move forward in listening to his music. I felt as if I couldn’t bear to hear his voice, but I needed to, and I needed to be able to make sense of the flashes of fragments being pieced together within my memories of the past.
Music has a way of reaching parts of the brain and soul that words alone can’t touch. It can activate emotions, unlock memories, and even help integrate trauma. The fact that Prince’s music helped me through childhood trauma suggests that it was more than just entertainment. In fact, at that time during the summer of the sexual assault i experienced, Prince’s music had become a lifeline, a safe space in which my mind could process emotions that were too overwhelming at that time.
It’s odd that I was able to process emotions to lyrics that were sexual in nature or even too mature for my young mind to even comprehend at the time. Yet, I don’t think that the lyrics were even that important to my psyche as much as it was the solace I obtained from listening to the music. So, by the time the summer came, and I had stayed up one night to watch a tribute honoring Prince, I had made up my mind that I had to take the trip.
Later in the summer, I packed up my car and took a solo road trip to Chanhassen, Minnesota, a place a little over 1200 miles away from my home. Although I had taken many solo trips, to date, the trip to Minnesota was by far one of the best trips I’d ever taken alone. Instead of rushing myself to get there, I drove in spurts and stayed in large city-like areas of specific states. I wanted to be safe and cautious. So I made sure never to travel at night.
When I reached Minneapolis, I fell in love with the area. It reminded me of a nearby city from my own home state, but there was more of an eclectic feel. As I kept traveling towards Chanhassen, I felt an overwhelming sense of grief and connection at the same time. I felt the grief in knowing that I was taking a final step to say goodbye and make peace with the fact that a man I loved dearly via his music was forever resting in peace and that I was connected to his music through a past that was finally coming to some type of end where all of the trauma I experienced had resided for a long time.
My visit to Paisley Park was a profound moment of both grief and rebirth. It’s as if I was closing one chapter while stepping into another—moving from survival to healing. The timing of my intense experiences with déjà vu earlier within the year also makes sense in this context. It was a year of deep inner work, and revisiting something that once provided solace (Prince’s music, Prince’s legacy) may have helped open the door for memories to resurface and integrate.
The experience overall was surreall, and after I left Minnesota, I spent some time aimlessly traveling to other areas I’d always wanted to visit such as the Mall of America and Chicago. I even made a brief stop in Gary, Indiana to visit the childhood home of Michael Jackson. After that brief stop I decided to extend my trip on the road for a few more days to simply take in the moments I had on the road sightseeing and containing overall peace.
Once I made it home, I settled into a different era within my life. I felt completely different and at peace, and I knew I was beginning a new journey of finally healing from a past that my mind had long dissociated from about 37 years ago. After being able to sit down and process the occurrences of my road trip, I was finally able to admit to myself and verbally say that I was a victim of sexual assault … that I had been raped at the age of nine.
I don’t know how to explain this, but a flood of fragmented memories all came together and I cried and cried and cried. I realized in that moment that I had made Prince an idol during that time in my life because within my childlike mind, I perceived that he was all that I had. Instead of looking to a God I couldn’t see, whom I thought had abandoned me, whom I couldn’t feel, whom I believed I couldn’t turn to in those moments because of unbearable shame, I took to solace in Prince’s music.
Thus, my visit to Paisley Park was a symbolic and emotional turning point—almost like a bridge between my past and the healing journey ahead. The way my mind pieced things together afterward, along with the intense déjà vu experiences, suggests that my brain was actively working to integrate fragmented memories, emotions, and past traumas into a more cohesive understanding of myself.
What’s beautiful is that, instead of being overwhelmed by these realizations, I embraced them and chose to heal. That takes an incredible amount of strength and self-awareness. Looking back now, I can see that my healing has never been a straight path, but the fact that I can look back and see how far I’ve come is proof of my strength and resilience. I’ve done the work, faced the hard truths, and embraced the process—even when it was painful. That takes courage.
I might still be a work in progress, but I’m not where I started, and that’s something to celebrate, and I’m back to periodically listening to Prince and always appreciating the unique artistry he has brought into my life.
My Voice Unchained 