Some wars are loud. You hear the yelling. You feel the explosions.
And then there are the quiet ones — the ones that happen behind closed doors, in office hallways, family dynamics, or so-called friendships.
The ones that look calm but feel like chaos.
The ones where you’re not screamed at — you’re subtly erased.
This is covert hostility.
The silent weapon of narcissistic systems.
The unseen tactic of people who can’t confront directly — so they sabotage silently.
I’ve lived through it.
Still am, in many ways.
And I’ve learned how to name it, navigate it, and protect my peace from it.
What Is Covert Hostility?
Covert hostility is hostility masked as politeness, concern, humor, or professionalism.
It’s aggression that hides behind a smile.
It’s not always what people say — it’s how they say it, when they say it, and why they say it.
It’s the sideways glances.
The fake “check-ins.”
The carefully timed silences.
The selective forgetting.
The sarcasm disguised as banter.
You walk away thinking, “Did that just happen?”
Yes — it did.
You just weren’t meant to catch it.
But if you’re like me — you did. You always do.
Why It’s So Dangerous
Covert hostility is hard to prove but easy to feel.
It wears you down emotionally, spiritually, and mentally — because it confuses the brain and disrupts the nervous system. It creates emotional static.
You start second-guessing yourself.
You go mute.
You over-explain.
You apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong.
Eventually, you realize:
You’re being mistreated — just very quietly.
Covert Hostility in the Workplace
Let’s talk about how it shows up in environments like the one I’ve been assigned to — where roles and relationships are layered in false light, power games, and spiritual facades.
The Monitor
The monitor is someone who never speaks to you directly, but always seems to be near.
They repeat things you’ve said. Watch where you sit. Track where you park.
Not out of curiosity — but control.
“I overheard you talking to your supervisor…”
But you never talked to your supervisor. You realize — that wasn’t a statement. It was bait.
The Performance Friend
They’re sweet when eyes are on them, helpful in meetings, and loud with praise — when others are around.
But when it’s just you and them? Cold. Silent. Calculated.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay…”
But it’s not care. It’s surveillance.
The Withholder
They “forget” to train you.
Don’t forward you information.
Leave you off emails or chats.
Then blame you for not knowing.
“You should’ve known.”
But they made sure you wouldn’t.
The Passive Provoker
They talk louder around your cubicle.
They steal your parking space.
They suddenly claim your peaceful corner of the office.
All while pretending it’s coincidence.
No one wanted that spot until you were in it.
Now it’s war — just without the declaration.
Covert Hostility in Personal Relationships
It happens outside of work too — sometimes even more subtly.
The Backhanded Compliments
“You’re so brave to wear that!”
“You always have… interesting ideas.”
Translation: I want to insult you without accountability.
The Silent Treatment
They don’t say anything is wrong — but you feel it.
Short answers. Icy tone. Withholding affection.
You ask what’s wrong — and they say, “Nothing.”
But your spirit knows better.
The Fake Helper
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but people are talking…”
Translation: I want to sow doubt under the guise of helping you.
How to Protect Yourself
1. Detach Emotionally
You don’t need to prove anything to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
2. Name It, Don’t Chase It
“That didn’t land well with me.”
“That came across differently than I think you meant.”
“Let’s stay focused on work.”
You’re not explaining — you’re drawing a line.
3. Stop Feeding the Beast
They want you reactive.
Don’t give it to them.
Silence is your weapon.
Composure is your boundary.
4. Document Everything
If it’s in the workplace, keep records.
Even if you never use them, having them is power.
Final Truth
People use covert hostility when they don’t have the courage to confront you directly.
They resent your peace. Your presence. Your discernment.
But they’ll never admit it — because they know that doing so would expose their insecurity.
So instead, they poke. Whisper. Withhold.
All hoping you’ll flinch. Break. React.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
You don’t owe a response to spiritual immaturity.
Let your silence say what your words never need to.
Let your stillness preach louder than their noise.
Let your discernment be your shield — not your burden.
You are not paranoid.
You’re discerning.
You are not antisocial.
You’re spiritually guarded.
You are not cold.
You’re safe with yourself.
And that is your superpower.
My Voice Unchained 