One of the most exhausting experiences of working under a narcissistic manager is how they handle support. Or rather — how they don’t. On paper, their role is to provide resources, answer questions, and help their team succeed. In practice, what often happens is the opposite: a breadcrumb here, a brick wall there, until you realize you’ve been left to drown without a lifeline.

A narcissistic manager often thrives on control, and one of the easiest ways to maintain control is to withhold support. They may ignore emails, “forget” to grant you access to essential tools, or push off your requests until deadlines become crises. Then, when you advocate for yourself and demand what you need, they react as if you’ve committed a crime by interrupting their carefully guarded schedule.

The result? You’re stuck in limbo — unable to move forward effectively, yet still held responsible for outcomes you were set up to fail.

I’ve experienced this firsthand. In one situation, I found myself blocked from completing an important client task because I didn’t have access to the tools required. I emailed. I followed up. I made it clear that timelines were at risk. Silence. Eventually, I had no choice but to escalate, requesting an urgent meeting before the day ended. My supervisor didn’t show up — instead, another leader stepped in to give me the answers I needed. Where was my manager? More worried about her upcoming vacation than my ability to serve clients effectively.

That’s the twisted reality of working under a narcissistic manager: The support you need is turned into a game of power. You can’t move without their approval, but they deny you that approval while blaming you for the inevitable delays.

Lessons Learned

• Breadcrumbing is not support. A half-answer, delayed response, or vague reassurance is just a tactic to keep you dependent and frustrated.
• Don’t confuse silence with oversight. It’s not that they’re too busy to help — it’s that withholding help keeps you under their control.
• Document everything. When support is withheld, keep records of your requests, timelines, and the impact. This protects you when accountability questions arise.
• Find workarounds. Sometimes, that means seeking help from another leader, collaborating with peers, or researching your own solutions. It’s not ideal, but it can keep you moving when your manager refuses to.
• See through the tactic. The emotional trap is thinking, Maybe I’m bothering them or Maybe I’m not doing enough. The truth: you are doing your job — they’re just not doing theirs.

Working under a narcissistic manager often means realizing that their priority is not the team, the client, or even the company. Their priority is themselves. If support interferes with their comfort, they’ll withhold it — and you’ll be the one left cleaning up the fallout.

The key is to recognize the tactic for what it is: a form of control. Once you see it, you can start strategizing around it — and stop wasting energy blaming yourself for what you were never meant to win.