There’s a specific kind of pain that comes from narcissistic abuse. It’s not just about what the narcissist did. It’s about who stood by and watched. Who joined in. Who helped them. Who knew better, but stayed silent.
That’s the part no one warns you about: The betrayal doesn’t always come with a punch. Sometimes, it comes with a smile. A silence. A shrug. Sometimes, it comes from people you thought were safe.
The Narcissist’s Game
Narcissists thrive on control. On image. On loyalty—not the kind that’s mutual and respectful, but the kind that demands submission. When you stop playing their game, they don’t just let you go. They rewrite the story. They cast themselves as the victim and you as the villain. They recruit others into their version of events.
And somehow, people believe them.
Enter: The Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys—those who do the narcissist’s bidding, often without realizing they’re being used—can wound just as deeply as the narcissist. These people might come to you pretending to care, asking invasive questions, pressuring you to “forgive,” “move on,” or “make peace.” But really, they’re gathering information. Delivering messages. Manipulating on someone else’s behalf.
It’s disorienting. It’s infuriating. And yes, it’s bitter.
The Enablers: Silent, Subtle, and Dangerous
Then there are the enablers. The ones who say, “That’s just how they are,” or “They didn’t mean it,” or worse. They watch you drown and call it your fault. Enablers are often well-meaning, but that doesn’t make them harmless. They keep the narcissist’s mask in place. They give the abuse cover. And they make you question your reality, just when you need clarity the most.
Bitterness is a Wound – Not a Weakness
Let’s talk about that bitterness. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s a natural response to betrayal. It means you cared. It means you trusted. It means something sacred was broken.
But here’s the truth: Staying bitter won’t heal you. It’ll harden you. It’ll keep you stuck in the story they wrote for you.
Fighting through the bitterness doesn’t mean denying the pain. It means facing it head-on. Naming it. Letting yourself grieve the losses – the loss of trust, of innocence, of relationships you thought were real.
Choosing Healing Over Hatred
Healing from narcissistic abuse means choosing yourself every day. It means setting boundaries even when they’re misunderstood. It means going no contact or low contact, even when others guilt you for it. It means letting people leave your life if they can’t respect your truth.
Most of all, it means refusing to let the narcissist, or their flying monkeys, or their enablers, define who you are.
Bitterness might visit, but it doesn’t have to unpack and stay. You’re allowed to feel it. You’re also allowed to release it.
You don’t need revenge. You don’t need to prove anything. You need peace.
And peace comes when you stop arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been betrayed in this way, you’re not alone. So many survivors carry this weight. But you don’t have to carry it forever. You can put it down. You can walk forward … maybe not unscarred, but definitely wiser. Stronger. Softer in the ways that matter.
You are not who they said you were.
You are who you decide to become … bitterness shed, truth intact.
My Voice Unchained 