Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t just about cutting ties. It’s about dealing with the residue that lingers long after the person is gone. Sometimes you think you’ve moved on, only for old wounds to resurface in the most unexpected ways.
Recently, I’ve had to ask myself: Am I still holding on to bitterness? Am I carrying unforgiveness toward people from my past who wounded me deeply? The answer surprised me — because yes, in some ways, I still was.
When the Past Shows Up Again
A few weeks ago, I was reminded of someone I call the Identity Thief.
She was the kind of person who seemed to mimic every aspect of my life — following me to therapy, taking my therapy slot, even starting a blog at the same time I did. At first, I tried to brush it off, but over time, it became suffocating. It felt like she wanted to erase me and wear my skin.
Eventually, I had to cut her off to protect my sanity. I thought that was the end of it — until I stumbled across her online one day. There she was, commenting on a post, using the same familiar tone and phrasing. Then I found her vlog — one that mirrored my own blog’s beginnings — and in one of her videos, she talked about me, though not by name. She said, “Some people you just have to leave alone.”
She didn’t mention the part about trying to replace me, about competing with everything I did. She presented herself as the victim, not the one who caused harm. Seeing that stirred something inside me — not sadness, but anger. Bitter anger.
And then, as if the universe wanted me to confront all my unfinished emotions, another ghost from my past appeared — a flying monkey from a former workplace. The sight of her brought back memories I’d rather forget — the betrayal, the plotting, the feeling of being unsafe, even poisoned. Literally. I realized how much pain I had survived — and how much I still carried.
Facing the Bitterness Within
When these memories resurfaced, I felt that old bitterness bubbling up: How could they? Why did they get away with it? Where’s the justice?
But I also recognized something else — I didn’t want to live in that space anymore. I didn’t want to let their cruelty shape the condition of my heart.
So, I’ve been learning to face it head-on.
I journal. I pray. I talk to myself with compassion. I remind myself that surviving their abuse was not a sign of weakness, but strength. I can acknowledge what happened — the betrayal, the heartbreak — without letting it define my future.
Recognizing the Signs
If you’ve ever been through something similar, here are some signs that you might still be carrying bitterness from narcissistic abuse:
- You still replay the past in your mind, trying to rewrite what happened.
- Seeing them “happy” or “successful” still stings.
- You struggle to trust new people because betrayal feels too close.
- You find yourself fantasizing about them finally realizing what they did.
- You still identify yourself primarily as a survivor of their abuse.
- Joy feels foreign — as if it’s unsafe to feel it.
- You feel guilty for not being “over it” yet.
These are not signs of failure — they’re signs that you’ve been deeply hurt, and that your soul is still in recovery.
Choosing Healing Over Bitterness
Bitterness is a heavy weight. It doesn’t just keep you connected to the narcissist — it also keeps you from stepping fully into your freedom.
I don’t want to live with that weight anymore. I want to live in peace.
So, I keep returning to this truth: The Lord prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies. He anoints my head with oil; my cup overflows. (Psalm 23)
Even when people plot evil, God redeems. He restores what was stolen. And in that restoration, I find peace — not by denying the past, but by refusing to let it define my joy.
Final Thoughts
Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about pretending it never happened. It’s about acknowledging what did — and still choosing to be free.
I’m still learning. I still have moments where the sting of betrayal rises up. But I also have moments of victory — every time I choose peace over hate, compassion over revenge, and forgiveness over bitterness, I reclaim a little more of my power.
My Voice Unchained 