A Narc Study – Recalling Narcissistic Abuse – Ownership

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Ownership

Ownership came to me when I bought my first home. It was a most monumental event for me, but as with other monumental events in my adult life, I felt that I could not share this exciting news with my family. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, then you will probably understand my reasons for keeping the events of my life a secret.

I lived in my new home for almost two years before sharing that I was a homeowner with my dad. Once I told him about my news, I swore him to secrecy. Since my parents have been divorced for years, it was no problem for my dad to keep quiet about my news. Plus, my parents are not on speaking terms when they do not have to be because my mother literally hates my dad.

I waited another year before my mother found out about my home ownership. I did not tell her. One of my siblings told her when my nieces and nephews came to visit me. They were all too excited to share with my mother the details about the layout of my house. After all, they were visiting me in another state. So they were excited, and I had not seen my family in a very long time. I was still keeping no-contact with my mother.

Tested Regarding Ownership

It did not take long before my mother decided that she was not missing out on the benefits of home ownership. After all, she believed that her children should be extensions of her. Forget that it was actually my home. Forget that I am the one who is actually paying the mortgage. My mother does not care about any of that. She only cares about how what I have and own benefits her.

For years, I avoided my mother’s telephone calls to uphold having no-contact with her. Occasionally, I would feel bad about not acknowledging her at all. Usually these feelings would occur when I would receive messages from “friends” on social media. These “friends” would always tell me that I will have a lot of regrets if something happened to my mother.

Yet, in my heart of hearts, I regret nothing. I feel nothing. It is what it is for me. Yet, I love my mother. I often just do not like that it seems that I am being cruel to her when I am actually protecting myself. People who have not experienced narcissistic abuse or have no clue of my personal struggles just do not get it. So for birthdays and holidays, I would keep up with sending my mother cards and flowers. After a while, I halted from doing any of this because I would soon learn that no-contact means absolutely no contact at all when dealing with a narcissist.

After some time, however, I had no choice but to tell my mother that I did buy a home. She saw a picture that a social media “friend” literally took a screenshot of when I had posted a brief picture of myself standing in front of my home. The person was not even my friend but was the friend of one of my friends who actually saw it and shared it. Then the friend of my friend took a screenshot of my house and showed it to my mother. The picture was not even up on my timeline for long before I decided to delete it. I did not delete it fast enough though.

Needless to say, the picture of my home was added motivation for my mother to begin crafting a dramatic plan to acquire my home’s occupancy. Let me tell you that this mother of mine was relentless. She literally stopped at nothing, left no stone unturned, and did all that she possibly could to become a living part of my home. I had a terrible battle on my hand, and all I could see was the past with her methods to control me and how I did not want to repeat it. The battle was on!

Find out how this battle unfolds in my next post.