A Narc Study – Recalling Narcissistic Abuse – She’s Coming In Hot

• 

She’s Coming In Hot

I had no idea that despite now having a secure place to live with my brother since his wife had passed away that my mother was still scheming to get to me. By all accounts, I would think she would be set and past trying to control me. This was not the case. She continued to plan her arrival to my home nonetheless.

She’s coming in hot … fresh into my town … into my state with an excuse that the average person would not see as a manipulative ploy. Yet, some children of narcissists are quick to see any moves that a narcissistic parent makes as nothing short of sly and cunning. My mother had decided to have an excuse to bring her sick self to the closest hospital nearest my home when there are countless hospitals near her in her very own state!

My brother alerted me of her arrival. He believed that she was not as sick as she claimed to be because of recent conversations she had with him and others regarding me and my unwillingness to cooperate as the “perfect” daughter. My brother said that he overheard her talking with a relative expressing ways that she could live with me. The relative told my mother that no child turns away a sick parent, and if I did, then that prove that I was the most callous, unloving, and cruel child. My mother’s plan was then set to motion.

Along with a relative, my mother concocted her plan to travel to my state and have herself admitted into the hospital for an “illness”. When my brother alerted me of my mother’s plan, anxiety swarmed over me like bees attacking me with stings. My workplace was only a short distance away from the hospital, and I feared that I would receive a phone call from her via my place of employment. She had come into my territory. She was attempting to invade my life, and I did not like this at all. Anxiety soon turned into a mixture of hurt swelling into enormous anger.

Here She Goes Again

I checked my voicemail to find that my mother had called me multiple times from what was obviously a hospital room. She left several messages. I listened to enough of them to catch the normal pattern of her manipulative ways to reel me in like a fish on a hook. In her most dramatic “sickly” voice, she sounded as if she mustered up enough energy to express how ill she was in that moment. She explained the numerous tests that doctors were performing to find the cause of her illness.

Strangely, but just as I expected, the more messages I listened to, the less sick she sounded as she tried gaining an entrance into having me return her call. What was at first a sickly sounding voice very soon became the normal voice of a woman who was running out of ways to entrap me into her manipulative scheme. One of the last messages that I listened to basically told me her true motive. She said she wanted to live with me … that life with my brother was not as she would have imagined it to be because of his children. She knew that I would do a better job of taking care of her.

I was livid upon hearing her words from the last message I decided to hear. Take care of her?!?!? What?!?!? Really???? Despite how serious I knew that she was in that moment, I was angered by her audacity to believe that I had any responsibility to do anything for her. How dare her! She is a grown, healthy adult. She is a lying, manipulative queen of drama. She was not deathly ill. She had simply checked herself into a hospital in a totally different state passing at least three or four hospitals on the way to my area in the state where she resides.

Did she not think that I would be aware of her schemes? I was past the point of being dumbfounded by her actions. I was angry, but I was not going to stop my no-contact rule just to express it to her. Contacting her was what she wanted from me in the first place. I held firm to a code of silence to protect myself. Her messages told me all that I needed to know in terms of what was going on with her. I was not going to become involved in her dramatic attempts to cycle herself back into my life in such an intrusive way. I had been there and done that before, and if I caved in, I would only be more resentful. My life was already filled with enough narcissistic vampires who were intent on sucking the life out of me without me bringing my mother back into it. No way! Absolutely not!

What More Could She Invade?

I fearfully awaited my mother phone calls to my job, but fortunately those calls did not come. I think she recalls my last reaction to her about the importance of my job regarding her last display from many years ago when she showed up at my place of work to “put me in my place”, made a scene that profoundly humiliated me, and then told me that I did not deserve an apology. After that dramatic scene blew over and I had calmed myself down, I told my mother that I would relocate somewhere she would never be able to find me if she ever showed up or called my workplace again.

My mother knew that I meant it because my reaction to her was without a shred of emotion. I simply stated a fact that I would follow through on if she pressed me. I ceased speaking to her for a few years because of that public humiliation on the job I had at the time but not because I actually hated her or had any ill feelings towards her because of her actions but more because she is dangerous. I can not trust her. Now, I believe she knew after her hospital charade that my workplace for her shenanigans was off limits, but I still did not trust that she would oblige me. I did not trust her at all.

She Came In Hot But Left

I was relieved to know after two weeks of living on the edge of anxiety from day to day that my mother was released from the hospital and had return back home to live with my brother. After a few months, however, my brother was now frustrated with me was calling me incessantly for help with her. I refused and eventually cut contact with him after he purposefully placed my mother on phone calls so that she could talk to me.

My brother felt then (and still feels the same way now) that I should help out by taking my mother in to live with me so that he could have a break. On the very last conversation I had with him, I held firmly to my stance. I will not take her in, and if she needed help beyond what he could provide her, then he should have her removed and placed into a facility. However, there is nothing wrong with her. She’s just a manipulator set on getting her way and bending our wills to do so. I told my brother that he did not owe her anything. Had he never taken her in, then she would had no choice but to find her own place.

Despite my brother knowing all that I said to be true, he still wanted an easier way out. Standing up to our mother is no easy task. She is ruthless. She can be downright spiteful and vicious with her branding of words and insults towards us. So, I could understand his fears in taking a stand. At this point, he was concerned that my mother had already turned almost an entire community of friends and relatives against him. She made him out to be the most horrible son by what she called maltreatment of her as his mother. He was now fearful that his reputation was being ruined by our mother particularly when he is trying to make life better for his children in the face of their own grief over losing their mother.

As sympathetic as I feel to my brother’s plight, his business with our mother is his business. I will not involve myself because I know the end result. If he chooses to continue to live with her, then he has chosen to allow our mother’s control and manipulation of him to continue even if this is indeed not what he wants at all. He is miserable, but there is a way out. It just means cutting her off, and that is a place he has to be able to come to on his own. I cannot do that for him. It was hard enough for me to do so, but after having done so for years, I feel absolute freedom. It is a choice I would make again and again, but to outsiders, I know it appears cruel and unloving of me. So, I have no doubts what my brother may be going through as he ponders what to do about her.

My mother came into my area hot on my trails attempting to manipulate me into opening my home to her. She used the mask of sickness and a act that I just simply could not find within myself to even believe. None of her plans worked, and she was left to make the trek back to where she began to make other plans. At this point, she should just give up, but I know that she will not. In fact, my brother seems to believe she still has more up her sleeves where I am concerned and where gaining access to my home is concerned as well. She can bring it, but I’d rather she not.

If only this were never a problem, I would be good. If only we had an actual mother-daughter relationship. If only things with her could have been different. Find out in the next post, how this not so dynamic relationship actually began. Stay tuned for my next post …