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I Successfully Detached From The Identity Thief
The Identity Thief had to have seen this one coming, although she lied to mask it. I successfully detached from her although it was not easy. I had a battle in the spiritual realm everyday prior to our meeting, and I had no idea of what to expect. I was not looking for closure because in my experience narcissists never give closure. I was looking for relief, detachment, and the ultimate freedom from the Identity Thief’s narcissistic claws. I was ready to be gone and leave no trace of her in my life.
I Scheduled A Final Meeting
I was the one who scheduled our meeting. It would be a final get together before we parted ways. I am not sure what I envisioned when I set this date, but I was clear that I was going to let her know that our friendship was done. I had no idea of what to expect, but I knew for certain that she would come with a game plan of her own with attempts of sorts to deter me. However, I was a woman on a mission. I was getting out of this situation if only with my life.
I had not planned to schedule this meeting. It was a spontaneous action based on a plan of no-contact that I had instituted when the Identity Thief gave me a devaluing discard. My plan of no-contact went into effect when I noticed I had not heard from her in three weeks. Because I know her mode of operation, I knew that she was furious with me for failing to succumb to her plan of control.
I have a free will, and I will not be controlled by her or anyone else. That has been my spoken motto to her from day one. I suppose that was enough for her to attempt to prove that I was wrong. So in her attempts to fulfill whatever plans she had for me, she continued on with her ongoing cycle of narcissistic abuse year and year. I put up with it because I had reasoned with myself that I did not see her enough. To be discarded was cool as long as it meant that I could go about my life without having to deal with her.
Besides, throwing subtle blows at me to undermine the core of my being and casting me aside as if I did not matter has always been the best that she can do in her cyclic plan. This last time in her narcissistic cycle, however, I had put up with it enough. Inside of me there was a deep sigh of resolution that I was hopping off of her cycle to leave her alone by herself. I did not care who she found, but I was no longer going to be a part of her cycle or her life for that matter.
So when I dared to go no-contact and maintained that silence for six weeks, she finally took notice when she realized that I could not be reached to engage with her. In a wild occurrence even for her, she dared to show up at my home unannounced when she knows that is a great pet peeve of mine, and she made a grand display with tears that lacked depth of emotion to bring me back into her lair. Because I was stunned, I attempted to pamper her display of emotions that I knew were just a façade of what her presence in my home really meant. She really came trembling in fear because she believed I was taking away her narcissistic supply source.
So when I lifted my no-contact by allowing her to communicate with me afterwards, I was really setting the stage for a grand finale. I really had not intent of continuing on with the madness. I sincerely wanted out. I could not bare the thought of wasting anymore of my time in a fretful situation. I had reached the end of my rope, and I was desperate to cut myself away from her.
As much as it is often advised by many NPD therapists and coaches to not confront a narcissist, that has usually never been my method of ending my so-called relationships with one. In mostly all of my experiences, I have always confronted the major narcissists that held a strong place in my life. I confronted them head on when I have felt led to do so. Those that I maintained no-contact with actually recognized my message of slamming the door in their faces in other ways and simply moved on with their lives without ever bothering me. Those that attempted to hoover me just ended up with a double dose of a the door slam.
In this narcissist’s case, her frantic behavior is what led me to set up a time to meet together. I, myself, was even baffled by my own words when I heard myself utter a meeting to her. “Girl, what? A meeting? But why? You know what’s going to happen! You had better be prepared for a battle of twisted words with her!” But I proceeded because I knew in my heart that I had to confront this narcissist because she was not going to go willingly with silence. Only a face-to-face confrontation was going to make her see that I meant business with her.
Days Before The Meeting
I scheduled our meeting for three days after her arrival to my home. I figured that would give me enough time to figure out how to respectfully shut the door on her to be out of my life. I had no idea whether I was going to make it. Within minutes of her leaving my home, I had no idea what was ahead of me. Within the night, I became very ill. I awakened with a migraine that was nauseatingly terrible. Medicine did not even bring much relief. I had to even end work early to recuperate from it, and the day before was my actual day off.
The next days up until the meeting, I suffered through what many spiritual people refer to as witchcraft attacks or demonic attacks. Whatever you want to call them, I experienced them, and it was not the first time. So I knew what I was in for with them. I knew these spiritual attacks were for the purpose of keeping the trauma bond or soul tie between the narcissist and me secure. I did not want the bond. I was detaching myself. So it was clear to me that whether the Identity Thief consciously knew she was attacking me, I was experiencing these attacks because she did not want to let me go. I had the confirmation of her frantic crying to prove that or she would have had no reason to show up at my house.
In fact, I experienced so much coming against me within days before the meeting with the narcissist, that I almost called her to cancel because I felt somewhat fearful of what to expect. However, I knew that the more I prolonged this meeting, the more ammunition she would have to build against me. I wanted to get it all over with so that I could finally move forward in my life. Of course, it was hard to imagine at some points before the meeting if I would even have my life. I found myself almost being t-boned by a truck that pulled out of a side road and almost hit me. I almost had a huge Mack truck to side swipe me while I was sitting at a traffic stop. During my working hours for travel, my GPS system went haywire causing me to lose valuable time and money. Plus, I knew things were off with me because my mood was off. I felt irritated and angry for no reason. I had to literally take a chill moment to simply breathe and shed some emotions.
The night before our meeting, The Identity Thief and I planned where to meet. We decided on grabbing a bite to eat and just sitting to talk. She behaved as if all was okay in our world, but somehow I felt she knew the inevitable was going to happen. With all that was occurring to me, my cutting her off was something major. I really do not believe she was expecting what was coming. So I guess that explains her nice (idolizing) behavior. Based on our conversation the night before, which I kept brief, she really seemed to have no idea what was about to happen.
Yet, during the night, I was awakened by a hazy dream. It felt more like I was awake because I could actually see the form of my body curled up in a fetal position while sleeping. That is actually the way I was sleeping in bed. I saw a dark figure grab onto me. It was darker than the night. I literally curled up behind me, but instead of attempting to sleep next to me, it literally tried to inhabit my body to become as one with me. It latched onto almost every organ in my body, and I fought and screamed to get it off of me. As I was waking up, I could see it loosen its grip on me as I turned to speak to it. It held on tight, and I knew the figure represented the Identity Thief. That’s when I woke up with my body feeling as if the dark figure was still attempting to latch on.
I checked the time. It was 4:52 AM. I had only just closed my eyes around 3 AM. I had not gotten any sleep. I was very aware that the position of my body was sore from stiffness because I had been held down in a fetal position unable to move. The weight of the dark figure had overtaken me to keep me from moving. The entire weight of this thing was exhausting. It had literally clasped its hands around my eyes and across my head leaving me with the feeling that bands were wrapped tightly around my head. It felt like the weight of a migraine being lifted when I opened my eyes. My eyes adjusted to focus on the darkness in my room.
When I was able to sit up in bed, I cried. I cried loudly. Then I started speaking out into the dark. I feared that I would never be free, but I had to be free. I was taking the only step I knew. I was going to confront this narcissist, and I was going to be free. My silence had spoken loudly to the narcissist and to whatever darkness that possessed her. Spiritually, she was fighting me. The darkness of the narcissist was fighting me.
I spoke audibly into the darkness. “You cannot hold me. You have no power over me. What power you believe you have, I take it back. I will be free. You can not have me. I am not your power source. I will be free. By God, I will be free. He protects me. I will be free. It does not matter what what you do or say, I will be free. I will walk away with my freedom today. I am prepared for battle. I am prepared to fight for my freedom. I will be loosed from you today! Even if I do not walk away alive, I will walk way with my life. You will inhabit me.”
Then I prayed. I prayed that whatever chains that I was bound by to this narcissist would be broken. I was done. I could not go on like this anymore. I was desperate, and I do not believe I had ever been this desperate before. I had taken the step to go no-contact, and that was a remarkable one. In the past, I had always accepted The Identity Thief’s discards and remained silent. Yet, I had never ever induced a silence of my own. This time around, I took the ball and placed it in my court. I took the power, and I used it. I used it to free myself.
My voice was unchained. but I used my voice in silence, and it spoke volumes so profound to her that she must have heard it subconsciously and realized that this time around her silent treatment and discard against me had backfired. This narcissist plays to win, but I do too. I know a good shot when I see one, and I decided that I would take it for my win this time. Furthermore, I was plain exhausted and did not want to spend another year, let alone a decade, having to deal with her narcissistic traits. It was going to be my turn to make sure I said what needed to be said at this meeting with her. The problem? I had no idea what I was going to say.
Stay tuned for what happened next.
My Voice Unchained 