My Final Meeting With The Identity Thief

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Hours Before Our Final Meeting

Just hours before the final meeting I would have with The Identity Thief, I would barely sleep. In fact, I may have slept for only a little over an hour. I had gone to bed late because I was anxious about what would happen. I did not even know what I was going to say. What does one say to a narcissist when the narcissist on listens to twist words around and project them back?

I was not even searching for closure this narcissist. I just wanted to confront her head on and be done and over with her. I simply wanted to say goodbye and let her hear those words echo from my mouth as she sat before me face to face. I did not want her to ever wonder about my silence. She would hear my words.

I had struggled through the night with a weighty dream. It was actually a nightmare, but I felt more awake than I was asleep. It was like one of those dreams in which I felt that I had dissociated from my body only slightly to be able to see my form lying on the bed. I did not feel as if I was floating. I could see through what was like my mind’s eye. It was weird.

Needless to say, I had a dream that a dark figure of sorts clasped onto my body while I lay asleep. This dark figure literally tried to engulf me by placing itself into my body. It did everything possible to hold onto me and possess me. Its weight suffocated me. I felt the pressure of it and could not breathe. I could not even move. I wanted it off of me, and I heard myself screaming out for it to get off of me and away from me.

I prayed hard upon awakening from this dream. Even as I awakened, I could still feel the impression of it laying its weight upon my body. My body was literally stiff from the experience. I had to jerk myself out of the fetal position. In fact, I could still feel the impression of the hands of this thing over my eyes as if it were trying to suppress my vision. I actually felt the faint signs of a massive migraine.

The touch of this dark figure felt like a burning sensation on my skin that I find hard to describe, but I knew as soon as I awakened that this form represented The Identity Thief’s fight not to release me. There were two other dreams that were similar to this that I had two separate days before, but those dreams were not as fatiguing and hard to endure as this one. Yet, they were bothersome nonetheless.

After praying against this this dark form, I attempted to get in another hour of sleep. I had only a few hours to before my meeting with The Identity Thief. Unfortunately, I was just able to fall into a momentary nap that lasted 45 minutes. Upon awakening for a second time, I proceeded to get myself ready for the meeting.

I had no plan. I had no words. I had no idea what to say. Just before I headed on the way, I said one final prayer asking that God to grant me the right words to release myself from this narcissist. I did not want to go around in a circular argument with her. I did not want to argue at all. I wanted to say what came out of my mouth and be done with it.

I wanted to be respectful of her, but I did not want to get into a round of her projecting her crap onto me. I also did not want to waste time listening to her attempt to coerce me or use things she knew about me against me. I wanted to meet for the purpose of one goal. I wanted to sever ties with the narcissist. I wanted to end my so-called friendship for good with The Identity Thief. Frankly, I never want to see her again.

Last Attempts To Postpone The Inevitable

I knew that The Identity Thief might pull a last effort to postpone what we both knew was going to happen. In fact, I expected her to be accompanied by someone. I had that strong feeling that someone else would be present so that the person’s presence might discourage me from cutting The Identity Thief off for good. I thought it was quite likely that The Identity Thief was sure that I would not bring her to a public place to kick her to the curb, but that is exactly what I had planned to do to her. I chose a mutual place to meet instead of riding to her home to ride with her because I did not want to be stuck with her, I wanted there to be less drama, and I wanted there to be less of an opportunity for her to succumb to something crazy.

I never felt danger, but I could not be too careful. I honestly did not know how she was going to react to my decision to revoke myself as her narcissistic supply. In fact, if the level of my experiences for the week dealing with things that I felt were associated spiritual attacks were any indication to the anger and fear she was feeling about letting me go, I had no idea what she was truly capable of against me. She claims to be a sharp shooter of various types of guns, and I was not interested in being a target. I was not planning on dying this day. I wanted to be free to live.

The Identity Thief and I Meet

So The Identity Thief and I met as planned, and it was awkward to say the least. There is no question in my mind that she knew what was going to happen. I could tell that she was physically bracing herself for the inevitable while hoping that things between us were no different and would remain the same. I could tell she knew she was about to lose me as narcissistic supply, but she was holding herself together to appear unaffected by it all.

I felt awkward too because I was not sure what to expect. Plus, just days before, she showed up at my house behaving frantically and acting as if she might have a panic attack all because she claimed she feared she might actually find me dead. I later made a joke about this to which she did not find funny at all, but I was like, “Now are you supposed to find me dead when I actually open the door?”

Anyway, I knew that she would have a connection with someone while we were at the restaurant to meet. I expected this to be the case. I was surprised that she did not show up with her husband, her mother, or a flying monkey friend. When we walked inside the restuarant, her new supply and “friend” was waiting for us.

She’s not even a believable liar. Since I let her choose where we would meet to eat, she chose a place where a new narcissistic supply source would be present. Although the supply source was unavailable to chat because she was actually working, the new supply actually did come over and greet The Identity Thief.

Not once did the new supply source ever lay eyes on me. Not once did The Identity Thief ever introduce me to her new supply, but I expected this since this is what The Identity Thief has always done in my presence. After all, I am insignificant, and she is just rude. She only told me the identity of the new supply after we were seated at our table.

Since I already knew a little history about her new supply, I was not at all surprised, but I felt that something was up in the way they both behaved as if they had a secret that I was being left out of on purpose. In that moment, I knew that no matter what happened or how it happened, I was severing ties with this narcissist on this day. I would not leave the meeting until I gave her my final goodbye. I was so sick and tired of her shady and destructive games.

The Identity Thief Wanted To Address The Elephant In The Room

As an introvert, I am not big on small talk. I find it to be a painful chore. So there was a lot of silence between us in the beginning after we were seated at our table. We spent time looking at our menus and people watching in silence. Inside of myself, I waited for the moment I knew I wanted to address the issue of severing ties with her. It was going to be difficult if her new supply continued to walk around us and talk to her, but I believed that was by design.

According to The Identity Thief, this was the first time she had ever been to that particular restaurant, and she had no idea that her new supply would be present. She claimed that it was the new supply’s first day on the job, but she had no clue until she was told this fact by the new supply when we entered the restaurant. I knew beyond any doubt that The Identity Thief was lying. She quipped about how it was such a wonderful coincidence. I smelled manure! I stared her in the eyes, and I could see she was lying, but she was adamant about convincing me. Instead of calling her on it, I remained silent and just let her quibble on.

Finally, she brought up what she called an elephant in the room as we waited for our orders. She felt that there was so much she wanted to talk to me about. She was really concerned about me. I had worried her. She wanted to know when I had shut my phone off and not accepted her calls, texts, or messages. She was already making shifting blame for my actions against her onto me.

I mentioned that we had not talked for over a month. I was curious as to when it occurred to her that I was in a no-contact mode if we had not talked in over a month. She was silent. I could see her searching over my head for words. I literally looked above me. I can be comical that way.

Then she mentioned how we were the types of friends that did not talk all that often. I called her bluff. I replied that we spoke often enough that there were no gaps between weeks for a long time. So I told her that I found it odd that suddenly out of the blue she believes my phone is off when it was not. I needed my phone to work, and she knew this.

She described how her text messages to me turned a different color which indicated my phone had to be turned off. She also mentioned how her calls to me went straight to voicemail. To her, my phone was off, and there could not possibly be any other reason. I was not argumentative at all. I was calm and simply stating the facts. I asked her if she could think of any other reason why she could not reach me. I was baiting her. She genuinely seemed not to get it, but then I thought maybe she did not want to believe nor accept that I had blocked her.

She was backtracking and then finally said that she had been away, and after she returned she wanted to catch up with me. I thought it interesting she failed to mention how I actually called her out on some crummy behavior she exhibited towards me prior to the month of silence. I told her that I figured that she was angry with me and was not wanting to address me about it at the time. I could tell she was about to twist things and project, and I immediately steered the conversation my way. I am the one discarding this time around, and I was not about to let her railroad me.

I told her that my phone was off to her because I was in a no-contact mode. I told her that I had purposefully blocked her. She was silent. I told her that we had gone several months before in the past, and she had never once saw a need to show up at my house before. She immediately became defensive but tried to keep her composure. I could see tears form on the top of her pupils, but I proceeded in my explanation.

I told her that I was flattered to know that she cared, but I wondered if she really showed up more out of the fact that she was afraid that I had abandoned her. She calmly said that she could see from my end how I might interpret her reaction that way, but she was more so concerned that something had happened to me.

Then she did what I expected her to do. She used everything I said in the past that were concerns of mine and used those concerns against me. She wanted to assure me that those concerns were her concerns. I knew she was a liar. She just could not be honest. Twist, twist, shift, shift, blame, blame, project, project!

She had come to me with her false persona and could not bare to present to me the person that I know her to be. She could not for one moment reveal herself behind that fake mask she was wearing. She presented to me that prideful posture she always has when she is showing elements of her disdain for me.

I showed no emotion the entire time, and I am grateful for that. BUT, I knew I was done with her, and I sensed that she knew it too, but she had to save face. She could not bear to appear as if she was wrong about anything. So I steered the conversation to the topic she feared and dreaded the most: the end of our friendship.

I told her that a lot of friendships have an end, and I am beginning a new journey without her. Her eyes formed tears, but they did not fall. I told her that I loved her like a sister despite the fact that we are not related to each other. I told her that there was nothing in my heart that could hate her for any reason. I had learned from her, and hopefully she had learned from me. I mentioned to her that parting ways does not have to be negative. It just means that this part of our journey in this life together is over.

It was obvious that she could not bare to be broken, and that was not my intent. Yet, it was my intent to sever ties with her in a safe place and in a safe way. The spot we were in was a safe place because although she had new narcissistic supply present by her design, whatever plan she thought would keep me from closing the door on her only made things a lot easier for me.

She would not dare react in a negative way in front of her new supply, and she would not dare embarrass herself with varying emotions. Although the tears formed in her eyes, she did not allow them to fall. So there were never any tears to wipe away. Her new supply was none the wiser either because she had no idea what was going on with us.

The Identity Thief did, however, try to divert, deflect, and project a lot onto me but in very subtle ways. I accepted none of it. She even attempted to assign the title of narcissist to me since she mentioned that we talked about narcissism a lot in the past. I just stared at her. I knew what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to label her. She wanted me to call her a narcissist. I did not. In fact, I did not address her character traits, and I did not shift, devalue, project, blame, or make excuses. I was giving her nothing!

She even tried to take my favorable qualities and make them negative. She addressed the fact that I have never struck her as the codependent type. She claimed that I am far too independent and rely on no one. I immediately discerned from her inflections and physical posture that she was devaluing me based on qualities that make me who I am.

I am single and have no choice but to be independent, but she claimed that I always seemed to be the type to never ask for help. It was only after I gave my reply that I realized that she was attempting to bait me into a circular argument. I stopped myself and her by simply saying, “I have lived and I have learned, and when I attempted to reach out to you before, you seemed to not hear me. You know me. You know me well. I will not ask for help when I have determined that the one I am asking does not give me indication that I will receive it. I will only ask once. I will not beg. That is one thing you should know about me.” She became silent.

She even asked me if there was anything wrong with her that made me think she was toxic? That was a trap question, but, instead of answering her, I asked her, “Would you really be willing to listen to me if I told you there was something toxic about you?” She said, “I would hope so.” “Really? Would you be prepared to hear me out now?”, I asked. She responded, “Well not here in a public place in front of all these people.” I said, “But we are having a deep conversation now about the end of this friendship, and you would not want to know?” That’s is when I laughed and shook my head. She was speechless.

It was already apparent to me that she could not receive any feedback from me – especially critical feedback that pointed out her inadequacies. She was already on defense, and my line of questioning caused her to literally grip herself from within. I saw her try regain her composure as she thought of what to say to me. She eventually told me that she did not understand me. She said she was confused because if she was not toxic, then why would I want to end our friendship. I stared her hard in the eyes in silence.

She believed that even if we moved on with our lives, she should still be able to contact me. I said, “No, we are done on our journey together, and I feel this strongly on my end.” She could tell that I was emphatic about it, but she was also insistent that I give her a better reason she could understand. I gave her analogies as examples that she attempted to upstage and dethrone, but she could see her attempts to sway me were futile.

Then all she could finally say was, “Well, the ball is in your court. I guess I will have to wait on you. I mean … I will be living my life like you will be living yours, but it feels weird that when I want to share some great news with you that I cannot do so.” (She was projecting blame onto me and responsibility for “controlling” the friendship. I knew that the interpretation to this was more about me being the reason our friendship was ending, but I accepted it. “Yes, the ball is in my court, and the game is over,” I said. My statement was final, and she could sense she felt the weight of it even though she seemed to be refusing to accept it.

I paid for our meal as a farewell, and she did not even thank me. I supposed I deserved no gratitude from her for dumping her as a “friend”. Even still, I hugged her goodbye, and she had no depth of feeling as usual. Absolutely no empathy! I told her that I loved her, but even I felt emotionless. I did not react to her with emotions at all, and I believe that was God’s gift to me. I had prepared for battle, and I attended this meeting in full armor.

I did love her, but I was tired. I was very tired. I even expressed this to her at one point. That I was not enjoying my life living amongst people who only seemed to take from me and offer nothing in return. She uttered the words “I love you too”, but robotically as she also mentioned the errands she needed to complete. I knew that she was unable to process this event, but that is not my problem. She is not my problem.

She got in her car and drove off, and I could see her rage contained. She did not even say goodbye to her new narcissistic supply, and I was certain that was because she had to conceal her emotions that my possibly burst to the surface and overtake her. As much as I loved her and thought about how much we shared over almost two decades, I knew it was merely an illusion. I would have to learn to no longer care, and that already felt hard enough to do.

Yet, once I got in my car, I knew I was free. I had gone to our meeting determined to do what I had planned to do, and I actually left feeling so free. The Identity Thief could no longer steal my identity. Even though I am sure she will still masquerade to other the qualities she gleaned from me, I take pleasure in no longer being a host that she can feed from anymore. I can finally say after long haul that I am the narcissistic supply that got away. I am My Voice Unchained!

Goodbye Narcissist!