Driving Lessons
One weekend, Mr. Charm wanted me to take him to pick up his car. He had apparently had car troubles and had to leave his car at the home of his surrogate parents. As was always the norm, Mr. Charm always drove when we went anywhere together. It was a preference for him not to have a woman drive him anywhere. He always had to be in control. He did not even want me to correct him with directions even when he was lost. If I was very familiar with an area and knew where to go, it did not matter to him because he did not want to hear me tell him anything. I was to take my place as a silent passenger.
However, on this particular occasion, he needed me to be the driver. He had another thing coming if he thought I was not going to be quiet in my own car. I suppose he had already prepared himself. He made a comment that he hoped he would not have to deal with too much sass on the way. I pretended not to hear him. I knew this was his way of controlling our conversation. He really did not want me to talk.
When dealing with narcissists, control is the object of the game they play. They will create an atmosphere of intimidation so that you will not want to talk because of fear. Yet, I was and am a pretty head-strong person when it comes to my space. My car is my personal space. I will not be handled in my own car. The way I see it, anyone is free to get out of my car and put their thumbs up for another ride. I knew he needed me, and it was my pleasure to drive for a change although he did not make it easy for me. He subtly devalued me and my driving skills every motion of the way.
On the way to pick up his car, we seemingly had great conversation and laughter. Even though I talked, he did talk a whole lot more. Those moments when conversation seemed good were also the times that I felt Mr. Charm became more of his true self with me. He would tell me a whole lot about himself and his life. I listened closely enough to discern, analyze, and fill in the missing gaps.
Although my focus was the highway, I was able to get in a few words here and there without feeling as if he was trying to shut me down. When I think about it, he was quite nice to me. In retrospect, I was helping him. So he was going to be nice to get what he needed from me. When we arrived to the destination to get his car, he was still quite nice to me, but it all changed on our way back even though he still needed my help.
On our way back, he wanted to follow me because I had the GPS to get us closer to an area that he was more familiar with before we parted ways to drive to our separate destinations. Little did I know that he was monitoring my driving skills the whole way back. When we stopped for a bite to eat, he filled me in on the issues of my driving. He did not like how I switched lanes, turned, slowed down, sped up, used my breaks, and a host of other ridiculous things. I listened but inwardly rolled my eyes.
He ridiculed me on not only who gave me a license but how I actually obtained my license in the first place. At first, I was bothered, embarrassed, and slightly offended because he talked loudly enough that others might have heard him, but then I snapped back at him that “I got you where you needed to be in once piece, didn’t I? So, now you complain? How about when we leave, I go faster and lose you?” He looked at me. I think he was attempting to figure out whether I was angry or simply being sarcastic. From my tone, he could tell. So we both laughed, but I could tell that it bothered him that I was not as insulted by his demeaning comments as he wanted me to be.
After that road trip, Mr. Charm had only ever ridden with me at least two other times, but they were quick runs. I do not remember if he had any complaints, but if he did, I clearly did not remember enough to have paid him any mind. As far as I was concerned, my driving skills should have been the least of his worries. He should have been more focused on his own, but narcissists never focus on their issues. Why would they when they perceived themselves as perfect even if their driving records do not mirror such perfection?
Stay tuned for more because there’s definitely more.
My Voice Unchained 