For Some Parents, Maybe Grandparenting Is Like A Chance To Make Parenting Their Children Right

When my siblings had children, we all took note of how quickly the attitudes of our parents changed towards us and their grandchildren. For the most part, their behaviors with us were somewhat the same, but they became the ever-doting grandparents with their grandchildren. It was strange. They actually seemed to be the parents we’d never had for ourselves. Our parents’ changed behaviors made my siblings and me stand in awe, and we were even just a tad bit envious that we’d missed out on so much of the “love”.

Not long ago, in a conversation with my dad, he revealed that he felt rejected by one of his grandchildren. He had sent the grandchild money as a way to help with college expenses, but instead of being grateful, the grandchild, returned his money in a letter with the words, “This is a disgust!” To say he was baffled by this reply was an understatement; he was crushed. I could hear the brokenness of concern within his voice.

As I tried to understand the reasoning for my dad’s grandchild’s rejection of his monetary gift, I gathered that his need to remain the stern disciplinarian of his home was the culprit. This particular grandchild was still holding a grudge over my dad’s unwillingness to be a more lenient grandparent like the grandchild’s other grandparent. Although even I saw this grandchild’s behavior strange, I realized that there had to be more going on with the grandchild below the surface.

Nevertheless, I could hear the disappointment and sadness in my dad’s voice, and I realized that his relationships with his grandchildren might have been a final chance at being a good parent, after perhaps failing at good parenting with my siblings and me. Maybe this isn’t what he thought at all, but the thought did occur to me, and I wondered. I wondered if that was the type of disappointment he might have felt about the way his own children’s lives turned out, but I don’t know.

I told my dad that perhaps he needed to give that grandchild space enough to figure things out on their own … that they’d eventually come around, hopefully. Yet, even if that grandchild didn’t come around, I told my dad that he needed to be okay with that grandchild’s choice even if it hurt. Interestingly, my dad agreed even though the facts didn’t make him hurt any less. He seemed to take it all in stride.

More interestingly, I gained a different perspective regarding parenting. Maybe grandparenting is a way for parents to make things right with their children. They can’t undo what has been done with their own children. So they do things differently with their grandchildren. They come to different realizations, and they’ve gained understanding through experience. Although, this may not be the case at all, it’s what came to my mind after the conversation with my dad, and it gave me perspective … and I felt a little less angry about the way I was parented during my own childhood.