The Loud and Talkative Narcissist

I work with a narcissistic coworker who insists on talking all the time. It’s not even simply talking; it’s loud talking. It’s the kind of talking that literally drains my energy. It’s such loud talking that I cannot help but overhear the conversations and either internally shake my head or roll my eyes in displeasure or laugh within myself at the stupidity that passes itself off as intelligence.

This coworker only ever talks to me if there is no one of like-mindedness to talk to or if I’m not within their devaluation stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Otherwise, I’m almost always within their devaluation stage because this coworker usually gives me the silent treatment, usually over-talks me if I do interject myself into their conversation (which I’ve only done three times), or usually makes sarcastic comments that might be directed towards me because I, more than often, choose to remain silent and work.

As a matter of fact, I decided very early on with this job not to interact too frequently with others because I could already discern that alliances among coworkers had long been formed, and that I’m most likely perceived as an outsider who shouldn’t be easily let in unless I can prove myself. This is not to say that everyone within the workplace behaves this way, but this is to say that I could easily see this as a part of the workplace culture.

I’d rather stay out of even the appearance of workplace drama. I don’t see a need to prove that I belong. So, I choose to go to work and only interact with others as it pertains to work. If I form a good alliance here or there, then good, but if not, I don’t sweat it because I’m not at work to make friends. Even when I choose to be friendly, I have to be certain not to allow the friendliness of someone else towards me to be mistaken as my being open to engaging in workplace drama.

The talkative coworker that I speak of has many of the nine narcissistic traits. They are one of the three people on the job that I consider to be a narcissist. In fact, this coworker talks so much they’ve basically shared what kind of person they are without me having to do any research. Additionally, this coworker thrives on attention and validation, and they work to be in control of others at all times. They are an incessant talker, and if they are not talking about any and everything, then they are always talking about somebody.

This coworker always talks down to others with condescension and sarcasm. At least three coworkers have expressed how this coworker can ruin a good work day for them because of their ability to slaughter them with negative words. I know from firsthand experience that this is true. From the first day I was introduced to this talkative coworker, who began as my supervisor/trainer, it didn’t take me long to realize that this was not the coworker I wanted to be around everyday. Their vibe is synonymous with bad energy, and being around them for prolonged periods frequently gives me a literal headache.

In fact, I dreaded going to work when I knew this coworker was on the schedule. I longed for those days when this coworker wasn’t scheduled on the days that I was scheduled to work. Currently, I’m fortunate that I only have to work with this coworker half the days that I work because if it were more than that I’d have to quit. In the beginning when this coworker began as my trainer, I didn’t have a regular schedule and I didn’t know theirs. So I was always feeling the tension and anxiety of having to be around them.

My anxiety levels were so out of control during my first month on this job because I didn’t want to have to deal with this coworker’s negative remarks towards me about my work performance even though I had just started the job. It was hard enough dealing with this coworker and their two other bully-manager friends because, at the time, they worked together to create an extremely toxic work environment filled with flying monkeys around them to fulfill their needs all while crushing the spirits of other coworkers who remained silent and/or wouldn’t easily submit to them.

For the most part, this coworker talks so much that the sound of their voice feels like a weight of oppression. Their talking vibrates so loudly that it literally gives me a headache. It’s as if their talking transmits some type of depressive waves into the atmosphere and changes frequencies of peace and calm into chaos and disorder.

I’ve literally seen this coworker turn up the volume of their voice and increase their conversations when managers and visiting managers are around as if they want to garner attention. In fact, I see this type of attention-seeking behavior as a form of this coworker’s insecurity on display. I do not get why this coworker doesn’t see their own behavior as negative attention, but the one thing I know about a narcissist is that any attention, even if negative, is good attention for them. All eyes and ears on them is always of value to a narcissist because it means they are the center of everyone’s attention.

Why do some narcissists insist on talking loudly?

Narcissists may insist on talking loudly for several reasons, which are often related to their desire for attention, validation, and control:

1. Attention-Seeking Behavior: Narcissists crave attention and admiration from others, and talking loudly can be a way for them to ensure that they are noticed and heard in social situations. By speaking loudly, they draw attention to themselves and assert their presence in the conversation.
2. Need for Validation: Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and seek validation and affirmation from others to bolster their fragile self-esteem. Talking loudly may be a way for them to assert their opinions and beliefs as superior to others, seeking validation for their ideas and perspectives.
3. Control and Dominance: Narcissists may use loud speech as a means of asserting dominance and control over others in social interactions. By speaking loudly, they can intimidate others, assert their authority, and ensure that their voice is heard above others in the conversation.
4. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy for others and may disregard the feelings and preferences of those around them. Talking loudly without consideration for others’ comfort or preferences is a manifestation of this lack of empathy, as they prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others.
5. Grandiosity and Self-Importance: Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self and may believe that their thoughts, opinions, and experiences are more important than those of others. Talking loudly can be a way for them to assert their perceived superiority and importance in social interactions.

Overall, talking loudly is a behavior that allows narcissists to assert their presence, seek attention and validation, exert control over others, and reinforce their grandiose sense of self. It may also reflect a lack of consideration for others’ feelings and preferences, as narcissists prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others.