Resignation refers to a state of acceptance or surrender. As an effect of narcissistic abuse, resignation is when the victim feels powerless to change their circumstances or escape the abusive relationship.
Resignation is a psychological response characterized by a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and defeat in the face of ongoing manipulation, control, and mistreatment by the narcissistic abuser.
At different periods of my life, I have resigned myself to taking steps back and to claiming defeat. I suffered serious wounds as if I had been in a battle. In essence, though, I had been in a battle. Dealing with narcissistic abuse (or any form of abuse) has often felt like I was going to war because I often found myself fighting against a formidable opponent.
I learned very early – even in childhood – that my battle isn’t against a narcissist or any other human. My battle is often against myself and the powers and principalities of a dark world. The battle is so strong that sometimes I feel like giving up, and I have actually done so on a number of occasions.
In fact, I’ve resigned myself to pausing in the current realm of my life. I stopped myself from pursuing what I thought was a great goal – becoming a therapist. I grew tired of dealing with narcissists and their abuse. I figured that this was my life’s lot, and I desperately wanted to get away from it. It began with my discontent within my previous career of nearly 30 years.
I came to the end of my wits when dealing with narcissistic relationships within my professional life, and decided to resign from my job. Around this same time, I was also growing tired of dealing with narcissistic relationships within my personal life. At some point, I began cutting myself away from toxic relationships. I even ended my own therapy because I had grown tired of never reaching a point of being able to deal with the core root of my issues during therapy sessions.
I wanted a clean slate, and I wanted nothing to do with my old life. I am thankful for a time of reprieve away from the toxicity to gain clarity. That was the time of the pandemic. I gained a fresh new perspective. I realized I wanted to be healthier, and my aging was only going forward. So, because I didn’t want to waste any more time on nonproductive relationships or activities, I closed the door on a lot of things and people.
I went no-contact from long time, so-called friendships with three narcissists, and I fortified the bonds of closing myself off from narcissistic family members as well. I also cut myself away from former colleagues whom I only began to realize weren’t truly ever my friends. I was tired. I was completely worn out. I had been in a long time battle, and I was beaten down in a mire of depression and anxiety. I felt broken. I felt resigned. I was done.
In many ways, I became compliant by adopting a passive stance within those toxic relationships with narcissists until I couldn’t resist remaining in such an awful state of suffering. Resignation from these relationships began long before I cut myself away from them, however. For self-preservation, I disconnected from those relationships. I numbed myself to the pain and trauma of the abuse I suffered in an effort to cope with the overwhelming stress and turmoil of putting up with them.
I loss motivation for the things I believed I was passionate about only to realize I was simply going through the motions of what others expected of me and what I expected of myself. I no longer found joy in what I believed I wanted to do. I gave up. I felt apathetic. I lacked energy and enthusiasm to continue on with my pursuits. I didn’t care about my future. I felt like it was all over.
I grew accepting of the mistreatment I endured because I somehow thought it was what I deserved because I’d experienced it for so long. I resigned myself to the belief that narcissistic types were all that I was ever going to deal with in my life. I convinced myself that things would never change. In many ways, they haven’t changed even though I’ve chosen to resign to a different type of life.
For a time, I found solace and peace in hiding myself away. Even now, I think that the new job path I’ve chosen is a great departure from where my gifts might actually lie, but I don’t necessarily know. There are days when I feel that someone’s condescension towards me on my new job is a clear sign I am not where I am supposed to be and that I am merely hiding myself away from where I truly belong. Yet, the truth of the matter is, I no longer have any idea where I really belong. So, I feel that I’ve retreated myself away until I can figure things out.
The resignation I feel as an effect of narcissistic abuse reflects the profound psychological impact of prolonged exposure to manipulation, control, and mistreatment. It is a coping mechanism that allows me to survive in the face of overwhelming adversity. However, resignation can also perpetuate a cycle of victimization that can prevent me from achieving continued healing and recovery from the abuse. But still I rise. I rise to go another day.
I recognize my resignation for what it is, but right now, I am content to embark upon a different path. Right now, I just can’t do it. I can’t finish the requirements needed to become a professional licensed therapist because I don’t want to finish. I’ve resigned myself to simply being and existing. Narcissistic abuse is complex, and the journey to healing and empowerment is ongoing. I am a survivor, and I continue to live in survivor-mode. I thrive when I can, but I still battle the effects of resignation daily. Yet, I am hopeful that one day things will change.
In fact, I need things to change, and I try when I feel I’m not too far gone within a state of resignation.
My Voice Unchained 