When The Scapegoat Goes No-Contact From Their Narcissistic Family

When the scapegoat of a narcissistic family goes no contact, several dynamics within the family can shift, often intensifying the dysfunction:

1. Shift in Target: The scapegoat role is crucial in a narcissistic family because it allows the narcissist to project their flaws, anger, and frustrations onto one person. When the scapegoat leaves, the narcissist may redirect their abuse toward another family member, often the next most vulnerable person. This person might become the new scapegoat, taking on the blame and criticism that was previously directed at the original scapegoat.
2. Family Denial and Rewriting History: The family may go into denial about the scapegoat’s departure, refusing to acknowledge the reasons behind the no-contact decision. They might rewrite the family narrative, painting the scapegoat as the problem and justifying their departure as abandonment or betrayal, rather than acknowledging the abuse that led to it.
3. Increased Chaos and Dysfunction: Without the scapegoat to blame, the narcissistic family system can become more chaotic. The narcissist’s need for control and validation may cause them to escalate abusive behaviors towards others or engage in dramatic attempts to reel the scapegoat back in, using guilt, manipulation, or even smearing the scapegoat’s reputation within the family and social circles.
4. Temporary Unity: In some cases, the family might temporarily unite in an effort to bring the scapegoat back into the fold or to collectively vilify them. This can give the family a false sense of cohesion, as they bond over shared narratives that justify the scapegoat’s departure.
5. Long-Term Impacts: Over time, the absence of the scapegoat can lead to a destabilization of the family’s usual dynamics. The family might struggle to maintain their previous equilibrium, leading to either a breakdown in relationships or, in rare cases, a forced reckoning with the family’s dysfunction. However, true change within the family is unlikely without significant self-awareness and a willingness to address the underlying issues, which is often absent in narcissistic systems.

For the scapegoat, going no contact can be a step towards healing and reclaiming their identity outside of the toxic family environment, though it often comes with challenges, such as feelings of guilt or pressure to reconnect.