The Dark Empath

A dark empath is a term used to describe someone who possesses high emotional intelligence and empathy but uses these traits for manipulative, self-serving, or harmful purposes rather than for good. Unlike traditional empaths, who use their sensitivity to help and heal, dark empaths understand emotions deeply but exploit them rather than uplift others.

Why Is This a Term?

This term emerged in psychology discussions because researchers noticed that not all people with empathy use it benevolently. In 2020, a study suggested that some individuals display narcissistic, Machiavellian, or even psychopathic tendencies while still having high cognitive empathy (understanding others’ emotions without necessarily feeling them). These individuals can charm, manipulate, and even harm while appearing emotionally attuned.

Key Traits of a Dark Empath:

1. Highly Perceptive – They can read people well, sensing vulnerabilities and emotions.
2. Emotionally Manipulative – Instead of using empathy to support others, they weaponize it to control situations or people.
3. Charming Yet Draining – Their presence may seem warm or engaging at first, but over time, interactions leave others feeling emotionally depleted.
4. Passive-Aggressive & Critical – Instead of overt cruelty, they often use subtle digs, guilt-tripping, or psychological games.
5. Drawn to Power & Influence – They use their empathic abilities to position themselves advantageously, sometimes at others’ expense.

Why Would an Empath Want to Be ‘Dark’ When They Are Supposed to Bring Light?

True empaths don’t seek to be “dark.” However, some people who claim to be empaths may actually be dark empaths—using their sensitivity for selfish or destructive purposes. Others might become “dark” after trauma, resentment, or emotional burnout, leading them to use their gift defensively rather than altruistically.

However, a true empath’s nature is to bring healing and light. If someone embraces “darkness” in their empathy, they may not be a genuine empath but rather someone who understands emotions without truly embodying compassion.

Some people use the term “dark empath” to justify retaliation against a narcissist, believing that using their emotional intelligence for revenge is a form of justice. This is often framed as “giving the narcissist a taste of their own medicine” or out-manipulating the manipulator.

Why Do Some Empaths Turn “Dark” Against Narcissists?

1. Hurt and Betrayal – After experiencing deep emotional wounds, an empath might feel justified in using their understanding of emotions to counteract the narcissist’s manipulation.
2. Desire for Justice – Many feel that narcissists never face consequences, so they believe they must “fight fire with fire” to level the playing field.
3. Empathic Burnout – Prolonged exposure to toxic individuals can lead to compassion fatigue, pushing some empaths into a more detached or even vengeful state.
4. A False Sense of Power – Some feel powerless in the face of narcissistic abuse, so adopting a “dark” persona gives them a sense of control.

The Danger of Becoming a “Dark Empath” for Revenge

• It keeps you entangled with the narcissist. Any focus on revenge means you’re still emotionally tied to them, which delays healing.
• It contradicts true empathy. A real empath seeks peace and healing, not further harm—even if they understand how to cause it.
• It can lead to becoming what you once despised. Over time, retaliatory behavior can shift your energy and mindset in ways that resemble the very narcissistic traits you’re trying to fight against.

A Healthier Alternative: Empowered Empathy

Instead of becoming a dark empath, an empowered empath sets strong boundaries, detaches from toxicity, and uses their wisdom to heal and move forward—not to harm. True power comes from walking away, thriving, and refusing to play the narcissist’s game.

From experience, I’ve seen people fall into this “dark empath” mindset after dealing with narcissistic abuse. Admittedly, I have, and I can honestly say, I don’t like the way I feel after the fact when I’ve fallen into this mindset. It can often be hard to not fall into a dark mindset in certain circumstances, but it’s best to simply walk away from these toxic situations instead of seeking ways to obtain revenge. Revenge gets one nowhere, except usually more trouble.

Many narcissistic individuals have purposefully wanted to provoke me and see me out of character because it has given credence to what they already think of me. By going “dark” on them, I only gravitate towards their low vibrational level of malicious intent, and I only entangle myself within the drama I want to stay away from in the long run. It’s never worth it to play the games of narcissists no matter how badly I think I want to see them reap karma. Even though it might be easy to be mean back to them, it’s never been worth it in my opinion.

Eventually, I just take myself out of a narcissist’s arena in favor of finding a safer space. I take the road of no-contact and eternal peace. I’d rather peace at all costs. I don’t think it warrants me growth in the long run to go dark. There is no light in darkness, and those in the dark don’t comprehend the light. Such dark behaviors are really no different and no less toxic than the dark behaviors of the narcissist.