Never Can Say Goodbye

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The Narcissist Can Never Say Goodbye

Back on July 4, I tweeted, “Sometimes removing a person from your life without warning is the best option. Too much time is wasted on explaining what they already know they’re doing to upset you.”

Narcissists never can say goodbye. They discard, but their discards are not always final. Since narcissists control the narratives of their lives and the lives of others connected to them, they also love having control of removing people in their lives as they wish. However, these are never complete removals because narcissists always find a way to hoover themselves back into the lives of those with whom they want to continue connections.

Narcissists throw people away like they throw away trash. This is a discard. Anyone narcissists believe they can discard is always someone they believe they can easily pick back up from amongst the trash. Thus, narcissists discard to only pick up again, and it does not matter how long their discards of people lasts. In fact, the narcissists I almost married waited over 20 years before contacting me out of the blue. Despite my refusal to marry him, I was basically a discard to him because he chose someone else over me since he had already been cheating on me behind my back. He only discarded me to return years later, but I stopped him in his tracks by shutting the door on him for good. Goodbye, Narc!

Needless to say, narcissists can never say goodbye. Goodbyes only come when victims of narcissists close the door, and even then, doors must remain shut because narcissists do not accept closed doors to them easily. Some do not accept closed doors from their victims at all especially without a fight. Victims of narcissists are the only way narcissists are able to maintain supply source, and if you are an excellent victim of supply, narcissists are never going to say goodbye. If you shut the door on them, they will knock to regain entrance. If you want them out of your life for good, make sure that door remains locked and make sure there is no way for them to regain entrance.

The Quote of My Anniversary

The quote I tweeted back on July 4th is symbolic to me. That quote marked the period of time that I had closed the door on my relationship with a narcissist I referred to as The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist. During that period of time, I was grieving the loss of what I had perceived as a good friendship. I was in deep thought, and it was during this deep thought about the times of this so-called friendship that I gathered my thoughts together and out came this quote.

The July 4th date is also symbolic because it is the anniversary of a narcissistically abusive episode that I will never forget. On this date, I was engrossed in a day of isolation with The Identity Thief over 15 years ago as she devalued me with her emotionally cruel and violent rage of unrelenting methods of silent treatments, stonewalls, and demeaning insults all because I defended someone that was once a mutual friend to both of us that turned into an enemy for her. In that situation with her, I found myself trapped and unable leave. She had planned it that way under the guise of an invitation to enjoy the city fireworks. In fact, we had planned this for weeks prior to what she referred to as a disagreement that I was mainly responsible for in the first place.

Nevertheless, each time this date rolled around, I would reflect on my life as it pertained to The Identity Thief and inspect for any change. There was no change … at least not for her. She never apologized even after we spent some time apart. It never occurred to her that her actions towards me on that July 4th so many years ago was even hurtful. It never occurred to her that her words and behaviors pierced the very core of my being. She talked and behaved in a way towards me that effectively tore down my spirit. Even her icy cold stare and mannerisms ripped through my soul.

I recalled wondering who this demon was that had overtaken my friend, but this was the narcissist in the flesh. I almost could not catch my breath after I returned home from that event, and for years to come, I dealt with post traumatic stress surrounding that day. I was dumbfounded when she would seriously invite me to other events years after this occurrence on this date. She always seemed confused when I would graciously decline, but I always detected that deep down she knew and took pleasure in knowing that she caused me such pain.

Even after I mentioned this incident to her years later, she drew a blank. She did not even remember. I had only mentioned it to her because her claims of always being a bigger person and apologizing when the need arises. I wanted to test her words, but it became overwhelmingly obvious that my pain was insignificant to her. She could not even muster up the will to care because she already had not cared from the onset.

One can never be sorry if they do not know what to be sorry for or if they do not know they should even be sorry. The Identity Thief was clueless to the pain she caused me, and if she was not clueless, she did not care. Even after being told about what she had done, she still could not accept accountability. Her words were “I did that?” But there was no apology, and even her question was not an acknowledgement. She was gaslighting me! So … she was not sorry then, and she certainly felt not sorrow after it was all revealed to her.

In truth, narcissists are never sorry. They never sincerely apologize. If they believe that an apology will appease you, they will mouth the words, but their hearts do not sincerely mean what they say. If they believe their words will keep you, then they will say what needs to be said. Otherwise, it is not wise to waste your time hoping for a sincere apology that you will never receive because narcissists just do not have apologies to give. The give no cares! They give nothing but heartache and a continuous cycle of unrelenting abuses until you decide enough is enough.

There Are No Goodbyes For Narcissists

I find the quote I tweeted to be incredibly significant to-date because I have been in the process of no-contact with The Identity Theft. I have removed her from my life, and as I did with The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist, I gave no notice. I simply stopped communicating and blocked almost all of her avenues of access to me. I sincerely did not want to waste time trying to explain what I believe these narcissists already know in the first place. Even if neither narcissist can admit nor see their wrongs, it no longer matters to me. I am done. My life with these narcissists is over.

Neither of them can say goodbye. All they can give me are controlled discards that leave me feeling as if I am not worth the skin that I am packaged within. There are no goodbyes for narcissists. They are cowards. Yet, I can say goodbye, and I can do so in very unique ways. My choice has been to say goodbye silently since my spoken words to them seem to have no power. I no longer want to waste time explaining to them the whys when they know the reason. Even if it might be that they do not know the reason, I would only render myself mute into a circular argument with them that they would fight hard not to let me win.

I do not want to waste my words. I do not want to relent and look back and wish I could have said this or said that. I have spoken enough. I have spoken enough all while they chose to chain my voice into silence. I now find that the best option is to use the power of silence against narcissists. So, I chose and choose to walk away silently. Unspoken words seems to carry more weight. But if need be, I am a voice unchained, and because I have sensed that The Identity Thief is not going to rest in the silence that I have chosen to give her, I will speak if need be, but for now, I rest in the power of my silence in shutting her out of my life. My silence is literally shaking the ground she stands beneath. Do you hear it rumbling? I do. I feel it.

Stay tuned for more.

6 comments

  1. Oh wow. I feel the rumbling under me huge. No contact with Covert Narc grandma who turned my child against me. She’s been coming for me, she’s quietly plotting right now after my attorney shut her down temporarily yet she’s on her way to ruin my family .. oh I feel it . She will never ever go away, and she’s really coming hardest for my child in 4 yrs at age 18. That is what keeps me awake at night. How do I keep that from happening? So so scary.

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    1. Wow! This truly sounds like a scary situation. Youth are very astute, however, more so than we often give them credit for or are often aware of in these circumstances. It may not even escape your child what this covert narc grandmother is up to. I cannot really tell you what to do in this situation, but I wonder how much your child is already aware of regarding what is going on. If you have not already found out how your child feels about this situation, this might be helpful. You will not be able to control what the covert narc grandmother attempts to scheme or even how your child reacts when he or she turns 18, but you can handle matters on your side now.

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      1. Thank you for your reply and great insight. Thank you. Quick background… my daughter is adopted age 13 now. Biological moms mom- bio grandma we allowed to be in her life .. unaware of who she is until 2016 when I began suffering some ptsd from that entire family of flying monkeys too. But… when my child was younger I always caught things wrong but my child didn’t see any of it . But at age 12.. the grooming her against me came into play so big time that my daughter changed so much, was horrific to me, she was so love bombed, total golden child big big , and says all my kid wants to hear, spoils, and then the sneaky secretive manipulation against me was in full force. She lied to my kid about her childhood , she did big big damage, it’s been a year and it’s still not good. She caused my child so much confusion , anger, anxiety , rage, and towards me. And I became the liar and All her trust to me and loyalty went yo grandma. Gone with me. She hasn’t been the same to me since. She has recovered a lot and things improve the longer she’s out if the picture. But.. I do not know how to explain any if this that’s age appropriate. I’ve tried a bit but all sud did was take it as I just don’t want her to see her grandma , and grandma did nothing wrong . I educate myself and read read read to be very careful. She will be seeing a therapist for sure, but she really needs some answers now.. I know it’s in her mind. I need to be honest 13 appropriate, but it’s hard.. she just thinks I’m the very bad guy in this for sure. Her bio grandma is the classic textbook covert Narc and her photo should be on every page about covert narcs. She just tried to take us to court , didn’t work… no PACA so she got screwed. I know. She lost her cookies about that. Hee kids.. my kids bio mom is her flying monkey coming for me too. Her ex husband too … We expect CPS any day. She blew up my email even blocked with just nonstop gaslighting hell. And very sneaky poor me very covert short messages k I have stayed silent and not responded in almost a year. But I need to get ny child so educated on this .. older of course.. and say something now too.. biut boy do I have to be careful. Theta already lure her with m Money, agree with her every word, praise bad grades.. well that was before end of contact. All checklists of what a toxic grandparents behavior, and covert Narcs .. I can check every single box. I was horribly abused by 6 of there family members since child was born until adoption was over.. until I woke up .. STOPPEED THE BULLYING AND STOOD UP RIGHT TO THEM ALL. AND THEN I BROKE WHEN I VERY QUICKLY LASY YEAR .. SAW MY KIDS RAPID DRASTIC CHANGE TOWARDS ME AND IN GENERAL, IT WAS SO NOTICABLE , AND I KNEW . SHE IS MANILPULATING HER AGainst me , lying to me worse then ever, amd she ans my daughter have big secrets. I stoppeed all contact fast. I was in trouble. I’m still in trouble. They will plan a run in to her somewhere, I bet they are lurking .. she needs do get to my daughter .. she’s her supply … her only supply! I am watching our backs.
        I can’t take hearing people use the word narcissist so lighting . Real Narcs and this abuse .. so many people have no idea how life altering this is and the serious life long damage these really sick people bring . I be been thinking about teaching her or giving her questions about manipulation Tactics.. love bomb tactics.. etc.. see if she can identify if I make like a test.. fun one.. just to start to see if she can recognize any of it,, then it can kinda lead into what has been the truth as she gets older and matures . But she wants to know why she can’t see her, call her.. etc..l it’s simply just a no right now, and We have issues that need to be sorted and it’s not in the best interest for any if us right now. She just gets mad at me . Crazy, you and your story, breaks my heart. I follow your footsteps.. silence.. they get not 1 word not ever from me. They are not welcome anywhere near my Family ever. But I have cameras around .. her family members are all narcs too, rude cruel.. so I do not put a thing past any. They will have me followed or probably alressy have, they’ve done it before to ex.s .. the Grandparents have.. they want control .. I’m the first ever to stand up to any of them… first to end contact .. and call out all the bullshit. So I’m sure they have many plans to disrupt my life.., more to come , gee can’t wait. I’ve healed so much but not enough , not until I have my child’s mind healthy again. Kills me what she did to her. Played victum .. had my child tell me I better do this and that fir grandma… aweful. It’s painful . It’s do hArd to undo this sneaky sickening crap .

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      2. Wow! I can only imagine the struggle with this narcissist. Yes! Keep that no contact at all costs. It sounds like this woman is relentless to get what she wants to the point of using her flying monkeys to influence and bully as well. It’s going to take being just as relentless to stand against her tactics. I’m glad you are getting your daughter into therapy, and it would be a great hope if it is a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. It seems like this covert narc grandmother is attempting to use her biological connection to your daughter as an entry way to maintain control in her life. No contact is the best resolution even though your daughter may not understand it. She is your daughter, and you have every right to protect her.

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      3. Thank you so so much. You have this exactly right . She is relentless, my child is very much her supply, she smothered me to death, couldn’t breathe, has massive control issues, undermined every boundary, complete liar but never takes fault, my child feels she must make her happy. My child is so fake around her, plays perfect . It’s creepy. Grandma had my kid believe she is such a victim that she would tell me for grandma, “ mom, you better let grandma go to all my soccer games! I want her at them all! Don’t block my grandma ever mom.” You make her cry. AHHH, ITS SO DISGUSTING. SHES DISPICABLE. SHE WOULD ALSO TELL MY DAUGHTER EVERY YEAR AGE 5 UP. This which my kid repeated to me constantly at 5! As my child starts to cry.. she says.. “ I don’t know what to do, if I should be with you or her for Christmas and my birthday ( as she’s bawling !) , grandma wants me to spend it with her and I want to be with both of you . I don’t know what to do. “

        Wanna talk about LIVID?! OMG.. SICKENING ! What child makes those decisions ? None! To even make her feel guilt and shame and sides is so sick. This is just 1 example that I documented. Thank goodness I have been documenting for years and gave every text she’s written from 2014- now. Her daughter , my child’s bio mom now is reaching my family accusing me of being on drugs after they of course are snooping high and low on social media for something to use to hurt me. Her ex filed for court on her behalf because he’s wealthy to try and claim they cant see her on bs lies, in which grandpa has never reached us to even see mykud! Major flying monkeys all 5 of her kids are. All grown adults, who are all have NPD, BIPOLAR, BRAIN GROWTH STUNTED, CANT TAKE CARE OF THRMSELVES, SNOBS, LIVE OF RICH DADDY. THIS ISTHE MOST EXTREME CASE OF A TRUE NARC FAMILY WITH MOM THE MAIN COVERT ONE, DAD THE GRANDIOSE NARC. THEY WERE NON STOP BOTHERIMG ME BUT MY ATTORNEY SENT THEM A LETTER SAYIMG “ Do not contact them again. You have been told to not contact them or their child . This is considered harassment. This is further evidence you do not respect any boundaries . You do not see your grandchild because of your inability to act appropriately around her and do not respect the boundaries of our parentage.” She’s amazing, did our adoption, she watched them drag it out two years to try to bankrupt us and bullied and harassed us 10-20 times a day. This was sent to her 1 month ago.oh I know she’s fuming . She’s silent since but oh she’s at home dwelling and planning , and recruiting , lying to everyone , scheming , playing victum.. to get everyone to do all her dirty work. She’s obsessed with my kid. She can’t stand not having control. I am so so lucky I had documented for so long.. felt things off , then was able to see through, start reading about toxic people until I hit covert Narc.. and I knew.. WOW. This is exactly who she is, she is a spitting image of ever single thing I read ! I’ve been getting myself educated for a long time. And I will never ever break the no contact. It was so hard but Now it’s been a year.. it feels amazing . And I know this silence KILLS HER. SHE CANT STAND IT. I have suffered from their Narc abuse for so long. I already am diagnosed with PTSD from Narc abuse. No way will I ever go back. Not a chance in hell. My daughter is gonna win this fight because I won’t let them ruin her life. This is horrific abuse. I wish this for not a soul , not ever. And I hope people see a sign and book it fast to save their life.

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      4. Good for you for keeping up with all the documentation! It sounds like staying away from that family is by far the safest way to protect yourself and your daughter. I wish you well on the journey to continued healing and freedom from narcissists and narcissistic abuse. Thank you for sharing part of your journey. 💙

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