All Over A Trip I Refused To Take
Just when I thought all had become silent and I could live my life in some semblance of peace away from her (even though there were other narcs in my life), Rain planned a vacation trip to include all of her “friends”. I found out about it from the loud and annoying colleague at work. Rain had not told me anything about it, but the loud and annoying colleague assured me that I would be hearing something about it soon. Unlike me, the loud and annoying colleague visited with Rain and Snow quite often.
I would later hear from Rain three weeks before the trip was planned. I later came to realize Rain only contacted me in an effort to lower the price of the overall trip. I turns out that she had no intentions of originally inviting me but felt that she had no choice because of someone backing out of the trip somewhat last minute. She claims she did not originally include me since I did not like being in large groups because of my introversion. Although it is true that I am an introvert and hate crowds, I sensed that she had an agenda. I seems she did listen to me on some level, but only used this information for her benefit and to appeal to my emotions.
I pondered over the trip, but I am the type of introvert that discerns the energy I will have ahead of time. I already knew that I did not want to go on this trip. I already knew that I would not go. I had no energy to deal with narcissistic drama. I did not want to deal with Rain at all, and I especially did not want to be out of my comfort zone just to satisfy her needs. So when Rain came to me about the trip after I told her I would think about it, I told her that I did not want to go. I said “no”. If you have ever dealt with a narcissist, you know that the word “no” is one of the most offensive words to his or her ears. “No” means war!
Rain tried everything to twist my arm and change my mind about the trip. She attempted to use guilt and even shifted blame on me for bringing ruin to a wonderful trip. My response was that she should never give anyone so much power to ruin a trip just because the person decides not want to go. My response enraged her. She was soon calling others who were going on the trip about my unwillingness to go. Even the loud and annoying colleague tried to convince me to change my mind about the trip but to no avail. I was not going to be controlled by her or anyone else.
Because of Rain’s narcissistic rage against me, I was now more adamant about not going on the trip. She threw a temper tantrum that baffled me. She accused me of basically ruining everything and being a “party-pooper” because of my introversion. I was simply not going to be controlled, and because of my unwillingness to fall in line with her plans, she discarded me for six months! I knew I was discarded when her social media posts inadvertently mentioned me by proxy for being a bad friend. Social media posts were always her way to break her narcissistic supply down when the supply would not succumb to her way. It was always her way or the highway, and if one took the highway, she instituted a smear campaign like nobody’s business.
Needless to say, Rain discarded me for my refusal not to go on a trip that she only wanted me to be a part of at the last minute to bring down costs for her – not because she really wanted me to go. After I refused to go, her need for me to go on the trip became more about her need to control my decision to go. She had told an audience of others who were attending this same trip that I was going because that was her expectation. Since I did not meet her expectation, she had to “save face” with others. She cut me off, but in doing so, she was instilling fear into the others who might not have wanted to go on the trip either.
I will admit that in the beginning I was saddened to be discarded because Rain cut me off from communicating with her, but being without her drama was a blessing. So I quickly got over my sadness and moved on with my life. Yet, I was a bit baffled as to how easily it was for her to smear my name being that she claimed I was her best friend. Yet, the realization came to me that I was a best friend in name only for the benefit of her being able to lord those words over me to control me later.
It occurred to me over time that she frequently punished me for whatever reason by posting pictures of her and the loud and annoying colleague all of the time all over her social media. I think that this was her way of triangulating me with the loud and annoying colleague. Even before the loud and annoying colleague came onto the scene, Rain had only posted one picture of us together throughout the entirety of our “friendship”, and we had taken tons of pictures together. Meanwhile, Rain had pictures scattered across her social media taken with other “friends”. In fact, after scrolling her social media pages over, I could not find a hint that we were even friends. It could only be assumed that I was merely an acquaintance or just someone a part of her entourage of flying monkeys. I saw more pictures of her with people she claimed to hate than there were of me who she claimed to love dearly.
I later realized Rain used her social media page to love bomb, chastise, devalue, and discard everyone. Her acknowledgments and praises to others on her social media page were usually a clue to me that I was on her bad and naughty list. Even when I helped her move to her new place with no other help from anybody else, she acknowledged the efforts of others on social media but never acknowledged me. She acknowledged and showed appreciation to everyone except me while dogging them all behind their backs to me. Nevertheless, Rain discarded me all over a trip that I refused to be a part of, and it was only going to become worse six months after she discarded me because her discard of me had not affected me as she had hoped. Had this narcissist learned nothing about my introverted personality. I crave alone time. I crave silence. I hate drama.
Stay tuned for the continuation of this dramatic saga with Rain.
My Voice Unchained 